That Explains All The Eyepatches

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That Explains All The Eyepatches
That Explains All The Eyepatches

You see a gang of pirates in the corner, playing some kind of game where they toss little miniature arrows at the wall. "Avast!" you say, making sure to speak proper pirate, "what be ye bilge rats doin'?"

"'Tis a game called darrrts," one of the pirates says. "See, we nailed the eye of a bull to the middle of this circle, and we're tryin' to hit it by throwing these darrrts. Every time ye miss, ye have to take a drink. The winner gets to take a drink of this bottle of Cat a' Tonic. It's the pirate's best friend ye see, because it fortifies ye against the effects of the cat o' nine tails."

"Huh," you say. "So is the game any fun?"

"It's the best kind of fun, mate," he replies, "because not one of us has hit it yet. Do ye want to try it?"

You step up to the line and pick up a handful of darrrts. Since you've never played before, you'll have to rely on your gumption, drive, and desire to succeed -- or, y'know, you could just cheat.


Carefully throw the darrrt at the tarrrget

You close your eyes and hold the darrrt ready to throw, concentrating until your consciousness has extended to the very tip of the darrrt. You throw the darrrt and guide it with your inner eye, but it stubbornly refuses to fly straight. Or straighten up and fly right. So you extend your mystic sensibilities and subtly shift reality until the tarrrget lines up with the darrrt, rather than the other way around. The darrrt pierces the bull's eye with a squishing noise you'd just as soon never hear again.
"Ye hit the tarrrget! And on yer first try! It's almost as if ye were cheating," a pirate says, his hand on the hilt of his cutlass. "But I'm willing to give ye the benefit of the doubt. Maybe it's just because you're more sobarrr than we arrre. Here, have a draught of the Cat a' Tonic."

You knock back the shot he offers you, gagging a little. It tastes like some of the more unpleasant things that come out of a cat, but you feel great when you've swallowed it. Partially because no one is making you swallow any more of it.

You gain 3 Drunkenness.
You gain (100%-200% of <mainstat>) in Fortitude, capped at 300.
You gain (200%-300% of <mainstat>) in Magicalness, capped at 400.
You gain (100%-200% of <mainstat>) in Chutzpah, capped at 300.
  • Otherwise:

You close your eyes and hold the darrrt ready to throw, concentrating until your consciousness has extended to the very tip of the darrrt. You can actually feel the distance between you and the tarrrget, the air currents that would influence the darrrt's flight, even the slight differences in barometric pressure for which you'll have to adjust. You confidently fling the darrrt.

"Ow, me eye! And I only had the one good eye! Arrrrgh!" You open your eyes and see that the darrrt grazed the edge of the tarrrget, ricocheted across the barrr, and hit a tipsy pirate in the far corner. Man, you really thought you could feel it... but it looks like you're about to feel a pissed-off pirate's pummeling.

tipsy pirate This monster is a Pirate -- (edit metadata)
Tipsypirate.gif

Pull one over on the pirates
  • If you are a Moxie class:

You take a deep breath, and hold the darrrt like you're about to throw it. "Okay, guys, here I go -- hey, is that Jerry Garcia riding a motorcycle, juggling tacos?" you ask, pointing to the other side of the room. While everyone's attention is diverted, you run up to the tarrrget and put the darrrt square in the bull's eye. You make it back to the line before the pirates turn back around.

"Ye hit the tarrrget! And on yer first try! It's almost as if ye were cheating," a pirate says, his hand on the hilt of his cutlass. "But I'm willing to give ye the benefit of the doubt. Maybe it's just because you're more sobarrr than we arrre. Here, have a draught of the Cat a' Tonic."

You knock back the shot he offers you, gagging a little. It tastes like some of the more unpleasant things that come out of a cat, but you feel great when you've swallowed it. Partially because no one is making you swallow any more of it.

You gain 3 Drunkenness.
You gain (100%-200% of <mainstat>) in Strongness, capped at 300.
You gain (100%-200% of <mainstat>) in Mysteriousness, capped at 300.
You gain (200%-300% of <mainstat>) in Smarm, capped at 400.
  • Otherwise:

You take a deep breath, and hold the darrrt like you're about to throw it. "Okay, guys, here I go -- hey, is that George Carlin riding a motorcycle, juggling tacos?" you ask, pointing to the other side of the room.

The pirates look at you, nonplussed. "Who be George Carrrlin?" one of the pirates asks. "And, for that matter, what be a motorcycle? Quit yer stallin' and throw the darrrt!"

You take aim and let fly as best you can, but the darrrt doesn't hit the bull's eye. Or the tarrrget. Or the wall next to the tarrrget. It thunks into the floor a few feet in front of you.

The pirates are so busy laughing at you that they can barely hand you your punitive shot of liquor.

Shot.gifYou acquire an item: shot of rotgut

Throw hard and hope for the best

You step up to the line, gripping the darrrt so hard you almost break it in half. You figure that, like most problems in life, this one is best addressed with a show of brute force. You take a few practice swings, then hurl the darrrt at the tarrrget as hard as you can.

"Well," one of the pirates says, "I not be so sure ye hit the bull's eye, but given that the entire tarrrget, and half of the wall behind it, is floatin' in the drink now, we can't really say fer sure. Why don't ye go ahead and have a sip or two of the Cat a' Tonic, and follow it up with a healthy dose of not kicking any of our arses, savvy?"

You knock back the shot he offers you, gagging a little. It tastes like some of the more unpleasant things that come out of a cat, but you feel great when you've swallowed it. Partially because no one is making you swallow any more of it.

You gain 3 Drunkenness.
You gain (200%-300% of <mainstat>) in Strongness, capped at 400.
You gain (100%-200% of <mainstat>) in Enchantedness, capped at 300.
You gain (100%-200% of <mainstat>) in Cheek, capped at 300.
  • Otherwise:

You step up to the line, gripping the darrrt so hard you almost break it in half. You figure that, like most problems in life, this one is best addressed with a show of brute force. You take a few practice swings, then hurl the darrrt at the tarrrget as hard as you can.

Since you were concentrating so hard on the force of your throw, though, you forgot to let go of the darrrrt. It makes a swift arc (arrrc) through the air, still clenched in your fist, and embeds itself in your upper thigh.

The pirates, entertained by your antics, motion for the bartender to give you your punitive shot of liquor.

Shot.gifYou acquire an item: shot of rotgut

Occurs at Barrrney's Barrr.


References