| There are some vague or non-exact figures and information on this page. Some spading is required.
|We are Teddy Borg.|
Human, prepare yourself for
Absorbs enemy attacks for you
Ability: Absorbs damage at the cost of weight
|Ultimate Cage Match||Scavenger Hunt||Obstacle Course||Hide and Seek|+15% Meat Drop 4-5 MP +3 Muscle statgain +15% Item Drop +4 Mysticality statgain 18-20HP +2 Moxie statgain Staggers* Deals damage & 10% Delevel* *Hover for details
|Cannot breathe underwater|
- Regular message(s)
- <name> leaps in front of you and bears the brunt of your foe's attack. A bunch of stuffing gets knocked out of it.
- Enthroned in the Crown of Thrones:
- Before <he> can scream, <name> fires a yellow laser beam at <him> for 15-25 damage
- Bjornified in the Buddy Bjorn:
- <name> pops up over your shoulder, and fires a yellow laser beam directly into your foe's mouth, for 15-25 damage.
- With lucky Tam O'Shanter equipped:
- <name> winks underneath the Tam O'Shanter. Or maybe it's just blinking, you can't really tell with that weird optical implant.
- With miniature gravy-covered maypole equipped:
- <name> marches robotically, yet adorably, around the maypole.
- With wax lips equipped:
- Since <name> has rejected emotion as irrelevant, its wax grin comes off a bit insincere.
- When entered in an Obstacle Course:
- <name> has a tough time with the mud pits in the obstacle course, because he keeps soaking up the mud instead of running through it.
- Every time the teddy borg blocks an attack it absorbs the full damage of the attack, and loses some experience. At higher weights, the teddy borg can absorb several attacks before losing a pound.
- "We are Teddy Borg" and "awwwssimilation" refer to the Borg from Star Trek, who are known for saying "We are The Borg. You will be assimilated. Resistance is futile."
- The absorbing damage aspect comes from the Super Nintendo game EarthBound, in which you can buy teddy bears at various shops to act as proxy party members, absorbing enemies' attacks during battle. After taking enough damage, these bears tend to "turn into a pile of fluff" and no longer act as possible targets.