Teddy Borg

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Formula for absorbption frequency and experience loss.
Teddy Borg

We are Teddy Borg.
Human, prepare yourself for

Absorbs enemy attacks for you

Ability: Absorbs damage at the cost of weight

Throne/Bjorn: Combat Initiative +20%, sometimes does 15-25 Sleaze Damage

Hatchling: Teddyborg.gif teddy borg

Familiar-Specific Equipment: Smallcase.gif teddy borg sewing kit

Arena.gif Ultimate Cage Match Scavenger Hunt Obstacle Course Hide and Seek
Olive.gifOlive.gifOlive.gif Olive.gifOlive.gif Hardcorex.gif Olive.gif

Mumming Trunk Abilities:

+15% Meat Drop 4-5 MP +3 Muscle statgain +15% Item Drop +4 Mysticality statgain 18-20HP +2 Moxie statgain
Hardcorex.gif Hardcorex.gif Staggers* Hardcorex.gif Hardcorex.gif Deals damage & 10% Delevel* Hardcorex.gif
*Hover for details
Dasboot.gifCannot breathe underwater
Combat Messages
  • Regular message(s)
    <name> leaps in front of you and bears the brunt of your foe's attack. A bunch of stuffing gets knocked out of it.
  • Enthroned in the Crown of Thrones:
    Before <he> can scream, <name> fires a yellow laser beam at <him> for 15-25 damage
  • Bjornified in the Buddy Bjorn:
    <name> pops up over your shoulder, and fires a yellow laser beam directly into your foe's mouth, for 15-25 damage.
  • With lucky Tam O'Shanter equipped:
    <name> winks underneath the Tam O'Shanter. Or maybe it's just blinking, you can't really tell with that weird optical implant.
  • With miniature gravy-covered maypole equipped:
    <name> marches robotically, yet adorably, around the maypole.
  • With wax lips equipped:
    Since <name> has rejected emotion as irrelevant, its wax grin comes off a bit insincere.

Arena Messages

  • When entered in an Obstacle Course:
    <name> has a tough time with the mud pits in the obstacle course, because he keeps soaking up the mud instead of running through it.


  • Every time the teddy borg blocks an attack it absorbs the full damage of the attack, and loses some experience. At higher weights, the teddy borg can absorb several attacks before losing a pound.


  • "We are Teddy Borg" and "awwwssimilation" refer to the Borg from Star Trek, who are known for saying "We are The Borg. You will be assimilated. Resistance is futile."
  • The absorbing damage aspect comes from the Super Nintendo game EarthBound, in which you can buy teddy bears at various shops to act as proxy party members, absorbing enemies' attacks during battle. After taking enough damage, these bears tend to "turn into a pile of fluff" and no longer act as possible targets.