Tammy's Platform

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Tammy.gif

Tammy appears in Tammy's Offshore Platform during Crimbo 2019.


  • On first visit:
"Ahoy there, landlubber!" calls a small, gruff voice as you climb aboard the platform. The voice belongs to a very short man in a long navy peacoat, with a bristly black beard and a knit cap pulled down over his ears.. "Who's this boarding my vessel?"
"Oh uh, I'm <Player Name>," you say. "Sorry if I'm intruding, I was just looking ar-- oof! Okay, well, I wasn't expecting a hug, but sure. Pleased to meet you, Mr. ...?"
"Ha ha, fooled you!" Tammy pulls off the fake beard and pops her long pointy ears out from under her cap. "It's me, silly! How do you like my salty old seadog disguise?"
"Well, it's certainly unexpected," you laugh, and return the hug. "What are you doing out here, Tammy? What's with this platform?"
"Oh, it's an old peppermint oil drilling platform. Got decommissioned ages ago, when plant-based substitutes were discovered. And what I'm doing out here is tracking those dumb jerk dolphins that screwed up our Crimbo last year!"
"The who that did what now?"
"The dolphins! The ones that set up a fake orphanage to steal all the toys we made for the orphans! I guess it's not surprising that you don't remember, what with one thing and another." She waves a hand dismissively. "Anyway, this year the yuletide turns! We're gonna teach those rotten dolphins the true meaning of Crimbo! Which is don't mess with Crimbo, jerks!"
"I'm not sure Abulela Crimbo would agree with you there..."
"I've got some other elves covering for me at the factory, so she won't even know. And anyway, what's more Crimbo than rescuing a huge load of stolen toys and stuff? When we haul back that huge sack of stolen goods, she'll be like 'Ho ho ho, it's a Crimbo miracle!'"
"Well..."
"Come on, <Player Name>, I need your help with this! Pleeeease??"
"Aw, don't make those big puppy-dog eyes at me, Tammy. All right, I'm in."
"Hooray!" Tammy claps her hands with glee. "I knew you wouldn't let me down! Here, take this!" She hands you what looks like an antique brass diving helmet connected to a large beige scuba tank. "This will let you stay underwater much longer than usual -- the tank is filled with oxygenated eggnog, which will fill up your lungs and exchange oxygen into your bloodstream much more efficiently than a regular scuba tank."
"Uh," you remark.
"Ha ha! Your face just turned nearly the same color as the eggnog! Don't worry, <Player Name> -- it sounds bad, but once you get used to it it's totally fine. I assume! Anyway, there's a gingerbread reef nearby, and the drilling platform's sonar has picked up some dolphins skulking around there. Why don't you go check it out, and I'll see if I can track their movements to a more specific location."
New Area Unlocked
Bigmap.gifGingerbread Reef, in Tammy's Offshore Platform.
Noghelmet.gifYou acquire an item: oxygenated eggnog helmet
  • On subsequent visits:
Tammy is currently studying some sea charts with a furrowed brow. Best leave her alone until tomorrow.
or
Tammy has a big headset on, and is squinting at a sonar monitor. Maybe you shouldn't interrupt her until tomorrow.
or
Tammy is scowling as she pushes little plastic dolphins around on some kind of tactical map. You probably shouldn't bother her until tomorrow.
or
You don't see Tammy around -- she must be back at Crimbo Town, keeping up appearances. Maybe try back tomorrow.
or
Tammy isn't here -- she must be making sure she gets seen around the factory, so Abuela Crimbo doesn't find out what she's up to. Maybe try back tomorrow.
  • After rollover on December 15th:
"Hi, <Player Name>!" Tammy smiles when she sees you. "I don't have any new intel on the dolphins today, but I can refill your eggnog tank for you!"
"Swell," you say.
"I found a couple drums of peppermint oil in the hold, would you like me to mix some in? Kick it up a notch?"
"Thanks Tammy, but I probably shouldn't put raw peppermint oil directly into my lungs."
"Well, if you're sure! Good luck out there!"

After rollover on December 16th:

"<Player Name>! Great news!" Tammy waves excitedly as you climb up onto the old peppermint oil platform.
"You've decided to go back to Crimbo Town before Abuela Crimbo figures out where you've disappeared to?" you ask, hopefully.
"Ha ha, no silly! I was able to trace the movements of some of the dolphins after you messed them up in the gingerbread reef, and it turns out there's a bunch of them hiding out in an old sunken ship!"
"Oooh. I do like a sunken ship..."
"I know, right?? I think it's the old wreck of the H. M. S. Kringle -- it was a cargo ship that used to move Crimbo goods to regional distribution centers, before it sank years and years ago. The accident was chalked up to bad weather, but I bet those rotten dolphins were actually responsible for that, too! I hate them so much!"
"Okay, well--"
"So much!!"
"Right, I hear you," you say, patting her on the shoulder. "I'll go check out the wreck. Why don't you go run around Crimbo Town with a clipboard for a while, so Abuela doesn't realize what we're doing, okay?"
New Area Unlocked
Bigmap.gifThe Wreck of the H. M. S. Kringle, in Tammy's Offshore Platform.
  • After Rollover on December 17th:
Tammy waves at you and gestures that she's on the phone, so you wander around the deck of the peppermint oil-drilling platform, looking at old OSHA warning signs. There's a lot of posters warning about the dangers of drinking raw peppermint oil ("THIS IS NOT LIQUID CANDY") and one that says "Sucked-on Candy Canes are Extremely Sharp!" with an iconographic picture of an eye about to get stabbed by one.
Eventually Tammy runs up. "Sorry about that! I've been having to coordinate the toy factory long-distance, so Abuela won't get suspicious!"
"Okay, well, I don't think that ruse is going to hold up forever," you say.
"Yeah, I know," she says, making a :/ face. "Still! It just means we have to crush these rotten dolphins harder and faster!"
"..."
"Since it didn't seem like the Kringle was their main hideout, I'll keep looking. Why don't you go beat the heck out of a few more of them while you're waiting?"

After rollover on December 18th:

"Hi Tammy," you say. "How's the hunt going?"
"Shhh! Keep your voice down!" she says, flapping her hands at you urgently.
"What? What's wrong?"
"There's a big old-growth kelp-holly forest right below this platform, and I've just discovered that it's practically swarming with dolphins! "
"Whoa, really?"
"Yes! The overgrowth kind of messes with our sonar, which is why I didn't realize before. Also I didn't bother to check, because, like, how crazy would that be? But anyway, I'm worried they might hear our plans, although I don't actually know how well sound travels underwater."
"I see. I guess."
"One thing's for sure though, we've definitely got those evil creeps now! We're gonna bust them up good and we're gonna find their boss and bust him up good and then those fishy jerkwads will know not to mess with Crimbo!" She smacks a tiny fist into her other palm.
"Okay, well, try to keep your cool, okay?" you tell her. "I'll go check things out."
New Area Unlocked
Bigmap.gifThe Impenetrable Kelp-Holly Forest, in Tammy's Offshore Platform.

After rollover on December 19th:

"Hi, <Player Name>," Tammy says, warming her hands on a mug of hot cocoa. "I haven't tracked the dolphins to their overlord yet, but don't worry -- it's only a matter of time." She pulls a flask out of her pocket and pours a little something into her mug.
"What's that?" you ask.
"Oh, just a little pick-me-up to help me keep my edge."
"...That isn't peppermint oil, is it?"
Tammy laughs. "Ha ha, no! You can't drink raw peppermint oil!"
"Okay, whew."
"This is peppermint-flavored everclear."

After rollover on December 20th:

"<Player Name>! Great news!" Tammy says, bouncing up and down excitedly.
"Did you find the dolphin boss?" you ask.
"No, not yet. Whoever he is, he's a real slippery jerk. Slipperier than usual for a dolphin, I mean. No, look at this! I found an old harpoon gun in a storage locker! Now you've got some real firepower!" She hands you a vintage (though freshly cleaned and oiled) harpoon gun. "Should be plenty of ammo too, since I managed to sneak a couple elves out of the factory to sharpen up some peppermint stakes for us."
She gestures to an elf, who is sitting on the floor, sucking on the end of a peppermint stick three feet long and two inches across. He waves, and says something muffled.
"Huh," you say. "Well, okay! I've certainly never been one to scoff at free weaponry, no matter how unusual."
Peppergun.gifYou acquire an item: peppermint harpoon gun

After rollover on December 21st:

When you arrive at the oil platform, Tammy is studiously scanning the horizon with a pair of binoculars.
"Any news, Tammy?" you ask.
"Not yet, sorry <Player Name>. All that holly-kelp or kelp-holly or whatever really messes up our sonar. So I figured maybe I should go back to basics and use these two good eyes that nature gave me? Like, maybe I'll spot some dolphins headed in a certain direction or something and that'd give me a clue? No luck yet, though," she says glumly.
"Well, don't worry. I'm sure you'll figure it out soon."
"Yeah, I hope so." She presses a lever on her binoculars, and a wheel on the top rotates. "Ooh! The Eiffel Tower! Things are looking up already!"

After rollover on December 22nd:

Tammy is fussing with a table full of bubbling chemistry equiment and vintage electronics, along with two other elves in goggles and lab coats. "What's all this?" you ask her.
"Oh! You're just in time!" she says, waving her arms excitedly as the other elves rush to move the glassware out of her reach. "We figured out how to fix the problem with the sonar and the holly-kelp stuff!"
"Really? That's great!"
"Yeah! We just had to exercise a little good ol' elven ingenuity! See, the problem is basically that the sonar blips lose power as they travel, so in order to penetrate the kelp, we need to move the emitter closer, yeah?"
"I don't know much about sonar, but I guess that makes sense, sure."
"So, we distilled a bunch of sonar blips into a potion you can drink, and then you can say them underwater, from right inside the forest!"
"...That makes somewhat less sense. Also, what?"
"Magic potion!" she says, waving the bottles at you. "Drink it and do some violence so we can find the dolphin hideout!"
Potion24.gifYou acquire 3 bottles of liquid SONAR

After rollover on December 23rd:

"<Player Name>! You did it!" Tammy runs up and hugs you excitedly.
"Did I? What did I do?" you ask.
"With the stronger readings from those sonar potions you presumably drank, we were able to track the dolphins' movements in the kelp-holly forest! We know where their boss's hideout is!! Here, I drew up a map you can use to get there! It's time to show those dolphins the meaning of Crimbo spirit! Permanently!"
"You know, Tammy... I'm don't think Abuela Crimbo would agree with you about the meaning of Crimbo spirit."
"Well, for one thing, Abuela Crimbo doesn't have to find out. And for a second thing, those dolphins are naughty. Do you what used to happen to naughty children, back in the old days?"
"Err... they got coal in their stocking?"
"I mean older than that." Tammy's eyes are practically on fire. "They got thrown in a sack and beaten with sticks!"
"Whoa..."
"Before that, they were kidnapped and eaten by ogres! You think Abuela Crimbo is a traditionalist? This is the real old school!"
"Okay, okay!" you say. "I get it. I'll go take out the dolphin boss, while you try to relax and be a little less scary, okay?"
Tammy takes a deep breath. "Okay. Okay, yeah. I should put in some time at the toy factory anyway. Come back tomorrow to tell me how things went, okay?"
Map.gifYou acquire an item: map to Dolph Bossin's hideout

After rollover on December 24th:

"<Player Name>! <Player Name>! You're back!" Tammy is hopping up and down, unable to contain her excitement. "Did you win? Did you beat the boss dolphin? Where are the toys??"
"Yeah, well... about that," you sigh, and hand her the note that Dolph Bossbin[sic] gave you.
Her big eyes fill up with tears as she reads it. "They... they were real orphans? Dolphin orphans? Oh my gosh... and I... I was so..."
Then she looks at the back of the note, and all her tears instantly boil off into puffs of steam. "WHAT!?"
You take a look at the back of the paper:
Hey dryasses:
Dolphins eat their parents.
You guys are SUCKERS!
Ha ha,
--The Dauphin
"Oh, that's kind of a relief," you say. "We nearly learned a lesson."
"ARGH!!"
"Aw, don't take it so hard, Tammy," you say. "C'mon, let's get you back to Crimbo Town, you'll feel better with some cookies in you."
"BUT--"
"We got to see each other and have a weird adventure, and that's probably the important thing or whatever, right?" You pat her on the head.
"I guess you're right," she pouts. "But I better never see another dolphin as long as I live!"

On subsequent visits:

You finished the quest! There isn't anything else to do here, except maybe get tetanus from messing around on a rusty old oil-drilling platform.

Notes