Talk:Player Hit Messages

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The old, boring "You hit for X damage" messages in monster fights have been augmented with more specific messages based on your weapon and the monster you're fighting.

Discuss!!  :)

Discussion

Based on limited research so far, it looks like the player hit messages change with the weapon you use but not by location/monster (except for some gender terms). I tested with the star boomerang at four locations: the Icy Peak, the Lair of the Ninja Snowmen, the Goatlet, and the Menagerie Level 3 and eventually got the same seven (Australian themed) messages at each location. I briefly tested with the chrome crossbow at the Icy Peak and got a completely different set of messages. Are others experiencing similar results? --Gymnosophist 00:31, 13 September 2006 (CDT)

  • I concur. I predict that this will be handled by adding a "Hit Messages" section to each weapon page. --Jonrock 00:35, 13 September 2006 (CDT)
  • There are some monsters (such as the 1335 Haxx00r) that can generate monster-specific hit messages (You hit the HaXx0r in his baXx0r for X damage.).
    • As well as (You kick your opponent up 20 notches. BAM!) for the Knob Goblin Master Chef. Perhaps someone should make an area for those messages to go. --Venturboy 14:34, 13 September 2006 (CDT)
    • Actually, this may work with just utensils, or perhaps it works when fighting any sort of chef (I got it against the zombie chef). --Roguemagus 19:58, 18 November 2006 (CST)
  • Something interesting...knives generate a flawed attack message (the weapon name is supposed to go where it has the damage total)...but the batblade is also generating batblade specific messages. So

perhaps each weapon has messages related to the general type of weapon, as well as specific weapon messages.--Foggy 00:57, 13 September 2006 (CDT)


Would something like the following help organize things at all? It could them be easily put in/copied to a spreadsheet and sorted by item/type/etc. as necessary. --JRSiebz (|§|) 01:24, 13 September 2006 (CDT)

Weapon Type Hit Message Confirmed By
item type text player
item type text player
  • Seems like most weapons also still have the old regular message. You hit him for X damage. (untill now I had the drywall axe and the wand giving this msg) --Twopeak 04:35, 13 September 2006 (CDT)
  • Generic or not? If the weapon's hit message contains the name of the weapon, I think it is a 'special message' for that weapon. -- Jayzabala 04:53, 13 September 2006 (CDT)
    • I don't think that can be trusted. The Knives have several shared messages that all substitute the specific weapon name for <knife>. And there are plenty of other special messages that do not contain the actual weapon name but only something that is a clear reference. --Jonrock 14:32, 13 September 2006 (CDT)
  • I'm getting "You aim and fire. You miss, but the bolt ricochets off a nearby wall (or tree, if you're outdoors,) and hits it for..." with the carob cannon and the cerebral crossbow with a porquoise bracelet equipped. I'll check some non-crossbows in a day or two, but it seems to me like a not-fumbling message, since it's not listed with the crossbows. --CateranLlama 01:43, 2 October 2006 (CDT)
    • Actually, that's one of the generic crossbow messages - take another look. --Gymnosophist 01:50, 2 October 2006 (CDT)

Weapon Message Typing Method?

It's probably obvious by now, but I expect that the attack messages are based on what a weapon's type is, not what specific weapon you're using.

i.e. A staff has different messages than an instrument, which has different messages than a sword, which has different messages than a sword...

Only items with unique or rare weapon types should really need to be investigated in depth (i.e. Automatic Catapult, Rediculously Overelaborate Ninja Weapon, Asparagus Knife...). There may be exceptions, but it'll probably be based on different weapon 'types' for that specific weapon that override the more general one. We'll see.

I'm using a Cerebral Crossbow right now, and I'm getting all of the regular Crossbow messages, without anything new or special about them. Nothing monster-specific as of yet. -Fatmus 00:50, 13 September 2006 (CDT)

Exceptions to "messages are by type"

The seal-clubbing club generally gives the same messages as the gnollish flyswatter (both are weapon (1-handed club)), but it seems that only the former gives this additional message:

  • You pretend that [it]'s a seal, and club the crap out of [it] for X damage.

So even though messages are generally by type there still may be some special cases. Or I could be wrong... --Jonrock 00:59, 13 September 2006 (CDT)

I think the seal-clubbing club message isn't unique for the seal-clubbing club, but rather for the SC class. I got this message weilding a batblade as a Seal Clubber. --Ralan
If the messages can also depend on player class then they're even more complicated. I got that seal-clubbing-club message while wielding it as a Pastamancer. --Jonrock 11:56, 13 September 2006 (CDT)

Knob Goblin elite polearm (2-handed polearm) and ninja mop (2-handed implement) differ only on this message:

  • You use your Knob Goblin elite polearm to hit [it] in the armpole. Er, arm. It does X damage.

--Jonrock 01:09, 13 September 2006 (CDT)

The ninja mop is apparently now a polearm.--Foggy 07:37, 13 September 2006 (CDT)

Hmm... that's a good point. My guess is that there's a 'base' set of attack messages provided by the 'main' weapon type, plus a few weapon-specific messages.

On that note, is the special message for hitting l33t h4xx0rz the same regardless of what kind of weapon you're using? The monster-specific messages may work the same kind of way, adding to the possible messages as well.

(And thanks for moving this to where it should be, whoever was willing to do so.) -Fatmus 01:13, 13 September 2006 (CDT)

Yes, the h4xx0rz message comes up, regardless of weapon.--Foggy 01:22, 13 September 2006 (CDT)

OK, Now What?

Heres me, just wondering if we will start to put the weapon-specific attack messages in the item description. i_am_evil23 5:59 14 september 2006

Probably, but not quite yet. I'd like to wait until we have a little closer to 100% confidence in just what are generic messages and what are weapon specific messages - it'll be a lot harder to straighten out mistakes once people start abandoning this page. But yes, let's talk about how to implement the weapon messages in the Wiki. It does indeed seem obvious that weapon specific messages should go in a new section in the item page. I think they'd fit well in-between the Notes and References sections, perhaps in a section called "Hit Messages". I suppose that the few monster specific messages that here are should go in the Notes section for that monster. The generic weapon type (swords, etc.) messages should probably go in either the Sword category page, or the Sword page, depending on whether or not we keep the individual weapon categories (see discussion). I'm not sure what to do about the super-generic message You hit <it> for X damage. Finally, I'm not sure if there is interest in preserving the Data section of this page somewhere so that all messages can be seen together (as is done with the KWE Fight Messages). --Gymnosophist 03:59, 14 September 2006 (CDT)

  • As for the You hit <it> for X damage message, that and other info need to go onto a "fighting" or "combat" page explaining everything in the battle sequence. See Talk:Run Away. As for the weapons categories, I'd like to keep them, especially after these new developments. As new section with weapon specific messages would be fine along with links to the pages for that weapon group's generic messages, unless you want to do something like the zap group templates and have some weapon group templates to easily add/adjust weapon group messages.--Dehstil (t|c) 17:31, 14 September 2006 (CDT)
    • I don't think templating is a good idea, because that will create excessive confusion about which page is supposed to contain the References information for any given message. I think it's best if weapon type pages gather the "generic" messages so that there's only one References section on that page for those messages. It's probably better if those pages are not Category pages, so that they will be easier to search for and link to, but that's a minor issue. --Jonrock 21:58, 14 September 2006 (CDT)
    • I'd prefer to stay away from templating as well. It prevents the normal user from easily being able to add to the page. --Foggy 07:12, 15 September 2006 (CDT)
  • I'd like to see the messages for specific weapons, btw, go above notes. They're more relevant about the use of the item in-game, whereas by the time we get down to notes and references, we're dealing with less direct information. Does that make sense?--Foggy 11:35, 15 September 2006 (CDT)
    • No, not to me. Frequently the Notes section contains important information whereas the attack messages are just eye-candy. --Gymnosophist 12:14, 15 September 2006 (CDT)
    • I see how you mean "relevant", because they are so special/peculiar to that particular weapon, but that doesn't equate to "important" or "useful". I think putting Hit Messages below Notes is more functional. In fact, I think the same about combat adventure pages as well, and I'd like to see Occurs At and Notes bumped up in those as well. --Jonrock 17:29, 15 September 2006 (CDT)
    • I can see your point of view, and think it could work on a number of pages. But take a long at something like seal-clubbing club. The notes are pretty lengthy, and I feel like putting weapon-specific messages could lose them on the page, given how far they'll be. Ultimately though, I can drop this concern, in the name of getting the messages put on the weapon pages.
      • You're right - there a lot of crap in the club notes. But for every club, there's a, say, Turtleslinger or two that doesn't need to have it's more important information buried. Besides, even with the club, I would say that both the bulk of the notes and the weapon messages are equally "useless", so we should give precedence to the notes, which, more often than not, have important information. Another way of putting it is that not only do I not mind that weapon-specific messages could be lost on the page, but I prefer it that way!  :) I should confess that I have an ulterior motive in wanting to keep the Notes section fairly elevated in the item page - I'm on a mission to unbury the Notes section on other types of pages, as I've begun to discuss here. The important Notes section for the Comma Chameleon is buried so deep that it takes a preposterous 22 "page-downs" to get to the Notes section! That section contains information that should be at or near the top of the page. And I'll bet you that at least half of the people that go to the Violet Fog page never find the link to the Violet Fog Map page, which is absolutely indespensible to navigating the fog. At any rate, as you can clearly see, I have a strong preference for putting the most important information as near the top of the page as possible. --Gymnosophist 10:52, 16 September 2006 (CDT)
  • Contributions to this page are trickling off, so I think it would be best to come up with a plan for "How to indicate, on an item page or on a weapon-type page, that the hit messages are not fully confirmed" and bite the bullet on the migration. --Jonrock 14:52, 19 September 2006 (CDT)
    • I think it's because everyone's been so caught up with the new content. Speaking of which, I've added all the new Manor weapons. Instead of messing around with "hit messages are not fully confirmed", I'd like to try pure, unadulturated bribery - if we get close to finishing up the untested Swords, Staves and Utensils, we can start adding the messages to the weapon pages. Any takers? --Gymnosophist 14:43, 25 September 2006 (CDT)
      • Pathetic. You want to bribe me, try "OK, if you find a new message for this weapon, you get first crack at writing its References." Besides, there will always be new weapons, so since a procedure will be needed anyway, why not set it up and test it now? --Jonrock 19:27, 25 September 2006 (CDT)
        • The bribe wasn't directed at you, but it's good to know that you're incorruptible.  :) I'm not sure that we actually need a such a procedure; you'll note that we don't have any such procedure for any other aspect of the Wiki, and I think that that's not such a bad thing. Let's just wait a bit to see if we get some action... --Gymnosophist 20:06, 25 September 2006 (CDT)
          • OK FINE I BLEW EIGHTY ADVENTURES WAVING A POOL CUE AT THINGS I HOPE YOU'RE HAPPY. Also, I'd consider the "staff messages depend on monster head/feet" to be well-confirmed at this point, so I started a little chart at the end of that section. Unfortunately, I couldn't come up with anything that has feet but no head, so there's a challenge that remains open. --Jonrock 22:18, 25 September 2006 (CDT)
            • You hustler, you!  :) --Gymnosophist 22:31, 25 September 2006 (CDT)

I'm leaning towards a "Messages" or a "Combat Messages" section just below notes where applicable. Any explanatory text goes in italics. See toy space helmet or MagiMechTech NanoMechaMech for examples. Hopefully we can get these where they ought to be sometime in the near future? After cleaning up after all the crimbo edits of course.--Dehstil (t|c) 17:47, 10 December 2006 (CST)

  • Sounds like no one is against this, but no one is willing to go and put all the messages where they should be. If no one gets to it, I'll start putting some of them up in the near future..--Dehstil (t|c) 22:15, 14 December 2006 (CST)
  • Ok, did a small section. Comments before doing the rest?--Dehstil (t|c) 17:14, 15 December 2006 (CST)
    • Looks good to me... I'll start working on it as well (probably not until tomorrow) when I get some time... --Gleezus 17:23, 15 December 2006 (CST)
    • Ok, alphabetized what was done so far, not really necessary, but eh.--Dehstil (t|c) 00:13, 17 December 2006 (CST)
  • Just finished what was left. All of them should be alphabetized correctly. Now we need to get to adding all of the references...--GoldS 17:08, 18 December 2006 (CST)
  • The task of adding those won't be under threat of stagnating. Sometimes, too many references get added; well, at least poor references.--Dehstil (t|c) 17:24, 18 December 2006 (CST)

Looks like this is all up to date now. Further testing in in a few places could help, maybe. The question now is: How much of this should be on the main namespace article now, instead of the placeholder message?--Dehstil (t|c) 18:16, 18 December 2006 (CST)

Verification Questions

The submitted data is a bit haphazard, and some of these questions remain open:

  • For each set of weapon messages, which ones depend on the monster having a head/heads or legs/feet?
  • When a weapon has messages that are not "generic", are the weapon-specific messages instead of or in addition to the generic messages?
  • In all of my testing, I've always gotten the weapon type messages in addition to the weapon specific ones. --Boba Feta 23:03, 26 September 2006 (CDT)
  • When a weapon says "None so far", does that mean that it does get all of the generic messages? There's no indication of how this is being tracked.
  • I took that to mean that it only got the weapon type ones (assuming there were any) and there were no weapon specific ones, and I updated the wiki accordingly. --Boba Feta 23:03, 26 September 2006 (CDT)
  • Are there any more messages that only occur in certain weapon/monster combos?

--Jonrock 16:17, 26 September 2006 (CDT)

Custom Items

It was said on the Jick and Skully show earlier that none of the custom items have special messages. -GG Crono 23:50, 6 November 2006 (CST)

Data

  • Please alpha sort new additions. Thanks!! Please don't add references yet - they're just clutter at this point.
  • We're getting closer, but we still have lots of staves and swords to test, as well as some more utensils. --Gymnosophist 01:07, 17 September 2006 (CDT)
  • I have gotten Bahy to agree to test the fetus-smashing club. He says he will do so as soon as he gets out of HC, in about three days. Kenpo karate boy 19:23, 21 September 2006 (CDT)

...weapon

Tested: ridiculously overelaborate ninja weapon (all ...weapons tested)

  • Generic damage message:
  • You hit <it> for X damage.
  • You manage to hit <it> in both elbows simultaneously, doing X damage.
  • You accidentally drop the ridiculously overelaborate ninja weapon, but <it> trips on one of the chains and hits <its> head on one of the blades, suffering X damage.
  • You wrap one of the chains around <its> neck and then hit <it> in the nose with one of the blunt parts. It's not graceful, but it does X damage.
  • You hit <it> with two blades, two chains, and three staff segments, doing a total of X damage.
  • You hit <it> with three blades, a chain, and half of a staff segment, doing a total of X damage.

Accordions

Tested: Rock and Roll Legend, stolen accordion (all accordions tested)

  • Generic accordion messages:
  • Your legendary accordion skills prove too much for <it> to handle, and she suffers X damage.
  • You play a song on your accordion. The resonant frequencies deal X to your opponent. It's the resonant frequencies, not the quality of your playing. Honest.
  • You belt out a tune on your accordion. <It> winces, suffering X damage.
  • You play a tune on your accordion, dealing X damage to your opponent's eardrums.
  • Rock and Roll Legend only:
    You play a song on the accordion. Your opponent tries to cover <its> ears, but accidentally bangs <its> elbow, suffering X damage.
  • You roll out the barrel. The barrel of PAIN. You do X damage.
  • You play a haunting melody on your stolen accordion. Even though half the keys are missing and the bellows leak, it still does X damage.
  • You give up on clever tune-based attacks and just whack her with one end of your stolen accordion for X damage.

Autopult

Tested: automatic catapult (all autopults tested)

  • Generic damage message:
  • You hit <it> for X damage.
  • If you believe you didn't hit for X damage, then nothing is cool.
  • You fire five or six shots from your automatic catapult for X damage, feeling like a very lucky punk.
  • You try not to breathe as you fire a barrage from your automatic catapult for X damage.
  • Hey, kids. Rock and roll. Nobody tells you not to hit for X damage, baby.
  • You let loose a barrage from your automatic catapult, hitting <it> for X damage.

Axes

Tested: 7-Foot Dwarven mattock, denim axe, drywall axe, heavy metal thunderrr guitarrr, rubber axe, wooden axe (all axes tested)

  • Generic axe messages:
  • You make a dumb joke centered around the phrase "and my axe," and then hit <it> with your <axe> for X damage.
  • You axe <it> a question. Specifically, "What does it feel like to have just been hit for X damage?"
  • You use your <axe> to give <it> a cloven foot, dealing X damage in the process.
  • You axe <it> a question. Namely, "would you like to be hit for X damage?" Apparently, the answer is "yes."
  • With one swift blow, you cleave <its> skull, dealing X damage.
  • You use your axe to give <it> a cloven foot, dealing X damage in the process.
  • None so far
  • None so far
  • None so far
  • You play a lightning fast Malmsteen-esque MEEDLY MEEDLY MEEDLY riff. Your opponent writhes and takes X damage.
  • Your heavy metal thunderrr guitarrr goes SKREEDLY MEEDLY MEEDLY WEEEOW SKRRRRANG for X damage.
  • You play a song by Maiden. MAAAAIIIDEN! Your opponent sustains X damage from head-banging-induced whiplash.
  • You smash your perfectly good guitar against <it>. If <it> thinks <it> won't take X damage, <it> has got another thing coming.
  • None so far
  • None so far

Banjos

Tested: stone banjo, Disco Banjo (all banjos tested)

  • Generic banjo messages:
  • You pick out a ditty on your banjo. <It> winces, suffering X damage.
  • You grin and pick out a tune on your banjo. The resultant sound waves deal X damage to your opponent.
  • You pick out a wicked little ditty on your banjo. Your opponent attempts to duel you, but fails, sustaining X damage.
  • You grin, shuffle your feet, and pick out a ditty on your banjo. <It> covers his ears, but is unable to avoid taking X damage from the aforementioned ditty.
  • A tune rolls out of your stone banjo, stoning <it> for X damage. <It> shouldn't feel so all alone, though.
  • You plunk out "I will Survive" on your banjo. It sounds horrible, but if you keep hitting for X damage like this, it's bound to be prophetic.

Confirmation Needed

Needs confirmation: which messages just say "banjo" and which messages use the actual name of whatever <banjo> you're wielding? --Jonrock 19:58, 13 September 2006 (CDT)

I've gotten the first, second, and fourth generic banjo messages, and they all just say "banjo". --Thatkidsam 15:27, 23 September 2006 (CDT)

Boomerangs

Tested: star boomerang

Need to test: ratarang

  • Generic boomerang messages:
  • You throw the boomerang at <it>, dealing X damage. Then the boomerang flies back and you catch it. Oi!
  • You throw the boomerang at <it>, but miss. Luckily, it hits <it> on the way back, dealing X damage.
  • You hit for X damage with your boomerang. Crikey! (R.I.P. Steve Irwin)
  • You fend off the drop bears long enough to throw your star boomerang for X damage.
  • You hit with your star boomerang for X damage. G'day, mate! Well...for you, at least.
  • You throw another shrimp on the barbie. And by "shrimp," I mean "boomerang," and by "on the barbie," I mean "at your opponent." You do X damage.
  • You hit him coming and going with your star boomerang. Bonzer! SPLAT! BARF! ZOT! WHAMMO! (Buggy: No damage listed)

Bows

Tested: bubble bauble bow, slightly peevedbow (all bows tested)

  • Generic bow messages
  • You arrow <it> for X damage. (Hahah.)
  • You hit for X damage with the bow. Take a bow!
  • Baubles, bangles, and beads assist you in hitting <it> for X damage.
  • You don't bungle or boffle the bauble bow - in fact, you shoot and hit for X damage.
  • You take careful aim, not distracted by the shiny baubles or the popping bubbles, and hit for X damage.
  • You fire another somewhat annoying volley from your slightly peevedbow, hitting for X damage.
  • You know what really grinds my gears? When someone shoots me for X damage with a slightly peevedbow.
  • You let loose a volley of peeves from your slightly peevedbow, hitting <it> for X damage.
  • You know what I hate? Taking X damage from a slightly peevedbow. I'm sure your opponent feels the same way.
  • You fire a bolt from your slightly peevedbow, hitting (and annoying) <it> for X damage.

Can

Tested so far: can of fake snow (All cans tested. Note: Can of Maces is a club)

  • Generic damage message:
  • You hit <it> for X damage.
  • You coat <it> with fake snow. <it> looks appropriately festive, and takes X damage.
  • You spray <it> in the eyes for X damage. Merry Crimbo!
  • You spray <it> for X damage.
  • You spray <it> with fake snow. Since <it> isn't too bright, <it> takes X points worth of cold damage.
  • You toss the can of fake snow at <it>, bonking <it> on the head for X damage. Then you run forward and pick up the can. Merry Crimbo!

Clubs

Tested so far: Bjorn's Hammer, can of maces, clown hammer, diamond-studded cane, flaming crutch, frozen nunchaku, Gnollish flyswatter, heteroerotic frat-paddle, homoerotic frat-paddle, kneecapping stick, seal-clubbing club, skeleton bone, spiked femur, stainless steel shillelagh, Unionize The Elves sign

Need to test: fetus-smashing club, Gnollish nunchaku, Mafia violin case,

  • Generic club messages:
  • You viciously bludgeon <it>, dealing X damage.
  • You club <it> like there's no tomorrow, doing X damage.
  • You give your opponent a nasty case of club elbow. By which I mean you club <its> elbow for X damage.
  • You club <it> upside the head for X damage.
  • You deliver a Pesci-esque blow to the back of <its> head. X points worth of blood ooze out of <its> ears.
  • You pull a Tonya Harding, hiring a random passerby to hit <it> in the knee with your club for X damage.
  • You hit <it> in the ear with your club, dealing X damage. That had to hurt.
  • None so far
  • None so far
  • Replaces the usual "WHACK! BAM! ZOT!" messages with "SQUEAK! SQUEAK! SQUEAK!"
  • None so far
  • Unknown
  • None so far
  • None so far
  • None so far
  • Unknown
  • None
  • You realize <it>'s been naughty, and paddle <it> for X damage. Gah, I feel dirty just for saying that.
  • You accidentally turn your homoerotic frat-paddle sideways as you swing, bruising <its> spinal cord for X damage.
  • You smack <it> with your homoerotic frat-paddle. <It> doesn't say, "thank you sir, may I have another?", but you give <it> one anyway, for X damage.
  • None so far
  • Unknown
  • You pretend that <it>'s a seal, and club the crap out of <it> for X damage.
  • None so far
  • None so far
  • None so far
  • None so far

Crossbows

Tested so far: asbestos crossbow, basic meat crossbow, bubblewrap crossbow, can cannon, cardboard crossbow, carob cannon, cerebral Crossbow, chrome crossbow, clockwork crossbow, curdflinger, dense meat crossbow, dripping meat crossbow, eXtreme meat crossbow, goulauncher, hot cross bow, Kentucky-fried meat crossbow, linoleum crossbow, projectile icemaker, repeating crossbow, savory crossbow, star crossbow, starchy crossbow, styrofoam crossbow

Need to test: arse-shooting crossbow

  • Generic crossbow messages:
  • You aim and fire. You miss, but the bolt ricochets off a nearby wall (or tree, if you're outdoors,) and hits <it> for X damage.
  • You let loose a bolt (not to be confused with loosening a nut) and <it> him for X damage.
  • You try to be fancy and fire off three bolt at the same time. It doesn't work very well, and only one of them actually hits. <It> hits for only X damage and makes you look quite foolish as well.
  • There's a quiet "plink" sound as your bolt hits <it> for X damage.
  • You dive for cover, and everything goes into slow-motion as you shoot <it> for X damage in midair. It's all very dramatic.
  • You get ready, you aim, and you fire your <crossbow name> at <it>, hitting for X damage
  • Only against creatures with heads:
  • Oh no, you shot Marvin in the face! Provided that this monster's name is Marvin. In any case, it did X damage.
  • Only against creatures with legs:
  • You shoot <it> in the shoulder, dealing X damage. Man, that's gotta hurt.
  • If it's "shoulder," wouldn't it be a creature with arms? --Serena 00:00, 11 May 2008 (CDT)
  • Only against creatures with wings:
  • You clip <it>[sic] wing with the crossbow, dealing X damage. Maybe next time you could clip his nails, instead.
  • Characteristic unknown (only against creatures which are not resistant to physical damage?? Does not occur against the chalkdust wraith, but then again I can't get it to occur against the pooltergeist either. Does occur against bats.):
  • You shoot <it> in the gut for X damage. Harvey Keitel wanders by, and says "Along with the kneecap, the gut is a most painful area a guy can get shot in." Your opponent nods in agreement.
  • Does this only occur with monsters that drop "guts" i.e. catgut or batgut? --Serena 23:59, 10 May 2008 (CDT)
  • Unknown
  • None so far
  • None so far
  • None so far
  • None so far
  • None so far
  • None so far
  • None so far
  • None so far
  • None so far
  • None so far
  • You let loose a dense, meaty bolt at the dense, meaty monster. <it> takes X points of damage.
  • You prove you're not dense or meaty by letting a dense, meaty bolt fly, hitting <it> for X damage.
  • None so far
  • None so far
  • None so far
  • None so far
  • None so far
  • None so far
  • None so far
  • None so far
  • None so far
  • None so far
  • None so far
  • None so far

Custom Monster Message?

  • You clip he wing with the crossbow, dealing X damage. Maybe next time you could clip his nails, instead.
Received when fighting a P imp and a W imp in The Deep Fat Friars' Gate using a Chrome Crossbow. Note the typo. --Aquatopia 14:06, 13 September 2006 (CDT)
  • I've seen that message with a star crossbow, against 2 G imps and with a linoleum crossbow against 2 L imps.--UglyPanda 13:04, 14 September 2006 (CDT)
  • I got that with a clockwork crossbow against a G imp. --A civilian 20:03, 14 September 2006 (CDT)

happens vs. all enemies with wings, like imps and bats --Killerrabbit 15:27, 29 May 2007 (CDT)

Disco Ball

Tested so far: disco ball (all disco balls tested)

  • You twirl your disco ball above your head. <It> violently shake shake shake, shake shake shake, shakes <its> booty, sustaining X damage.
  • You swing your disco ball and disco-dance up a storm, doing an infernal X points of damage to your bewildered opponent.
  • Blinding light reflects off your disco ball, blinding your opponent for X damage. And that's the way (uh-huh, uh-huh) you like it (uh-huh, uh-huh).
  • You beat <it> soundly with your disco ball, doing X damage. They'll need an extended stay at the YCMA to recover, but at least it's fun to stay there.
  • You smack your disco ball into his head, doing X damage. At this rate, <it> has little chance of (ah, ah, ah, ah) stayin' alive.
  • You smack <it> in the head with your disco ball, and don't stop 'til you get enough. Enough damage, that is. X points' worth, to be precise.
  • You smack <it> with your disco ball. Waterloo! <It> couldn't escape if <it> wanted to, and sustains X damage.
  • You twirl your disco ball above your head. Your opponent starts to panic! Then <it> runs blindly into a wall, sustaining X damage.

Euphemisms

Tested so far: flaming juggler's balls (all euphemisms tested)

  • Generic euphemisms messages:
  • You hit <it> for X damage.

Flails

Tested so far: duck-on-a-string, lucky ball-and-chain, spooky bicycle chain, wiffle-flail, vampire duck-on-a-string (all flails tested)

  • Generic flail messages:
  • You hit him for X damage.
  • While using a vampire duck-on-a-string against a Weapons-Assembly Elfborg, I received this message (though I think it's a generic critical hit for flails).
    • "You wrap the flexible part of your weapon around its neck and squeeze 51 points' worth of breath out of it. CRITICAL HIT! BIFF! KERBLAM! BARF! SPLAT! SOCKO! KERBLAM! WHACK! ZAP!"
      • Also, also... is "points' worth" proper grammar?--Gleezus 16:24, 18 December 2007 (CST)
        • Absolutely. The points in aggregate possess the damage. Feel free to add your findings to the article and the weapon page, once you've confirmed whether it's generic or not. --Bagatelle 17:04, 18 December 2007 (CST)
  • You do some fancy flailwork with your duck-on-a-string. Ho! Ha-ha! Guard! Turn! Parry! Dodge! Spin! Ha! Thrust! <It> takes X damage.
  • You flail at <it> with your duck-on-a-string, hitting for X damage. Isn't it just too damn real, one white duck on a string?
  • You flail wildly with your duck-on-a-string. The string wraps around <it> and the duck bonks <it> in the nose.
  • You shout, "DUCK!" and smack <it> with the duck-on-a-string. You both enjoy a good laugh, as <it> takes X damage.
  • You smack <it> with your duck-on-a-string. <It> quacks up for X damage.
  • You flail wildly with your lucky ball-and-chain, doing X damage. Now <it> is forty years gone.
  • You shake your tiny fist and swear you weren't wrong, then hit with your lucky ball-and-chain for X damage.
  • You ponder the time bomb in your mind, then hit with your lucky ball-and-chain for X damage.
  • You decide you're sick of <it> and all his rattlin' on, and hit with your lucky ball-and-chain for X damage.
  • You throw away your baby doll, then hit with your lucky ball-and-chain for X damage.
  • You deliver a spooky smackdown with your spooky bicycle chain, doing X damage and covering <it> in spooky grease (which is the spooky word).
  • You flail wildly with your spooky bicycle chain, leaving scratches and grease-marks all over <it>. Oh, and doing X damage.
  • You hit for X damage with your spooky bicycle chain, adding this foe to the chain of fools you've already defeated.
  • You manage to do X damage with the bicycle chain. It's hard to use a bicycle chain as a weapon, but it beats using the whole bicycle.
  • You smack <it> with the spooky bicycle chain for X damage. A bicycle chain's a weird weapon, but it works better than the bicycle shorts you tried before.
  • You smack <it> like this, you smack <it> like that, you smack <it> with your wiffle-ball flail. (Buggy: No damage listed)
  • You swing your wiffle-flail. The wiffle-ball flies erratically and smacks <it> for X damage.
  • You waffle on whether to wiffle, then decide you will and hit for X damage.
  • You whip the wiffle flail at <it>, smacking <it> right between the eyes for X damage.
  • You whirl the wiffle-flail around your head, then whip <it> with it for X damage.

Vampires don't deserve their own hit messages

  • I didn't get a single message for the vampire duck-on-a-string. Is something wrong?--Roguemagus 19:28, 5 December 2006 (CST)
    • I'm getting the following messages as of today. The third one looks like it should have a <part> after <its>. --Emtu 15:25, 14 December 2006 (CST)
      • Vampire duck, won't you cluck, and bite for X damage? Vampire duck, won't you cluck, won't you cluck?
      • You dig through the ditches and burn through the witches and slam it in the back with your duckula, for X damage.
      • You smack <it> with your vampire duck-on-a-string. The duck sinks its fangs into <its>, draining X points' worth of precious, precious ichor.
      • You flail at <it> with your vampire duck-on-a-string, hitting for X damage. Isn't it just too damn real, vampire duck on a string?
      • You shout, "DUCK!" and smack it with the vampire duck-on-a-string. You both enjoy a good laugh, as it takes X damage.
      • You count X damage points as the vampire duck sinks its fangs into your opponent. Good night out there, whatever you are.
    • I found another one.--Stardf29 15:19, 15 December 2006 (CST)
      • You swing the vampire duck-on-a-string at <it>. Its dark wings flap in the night, inspiring X points' worth of terror in your opponent.

Guitars

Tested: acoustic guitarrr

Need to test: Crimbo ukulele

  • You play an acoustic version of a rock-and-roll ballad. <It> tries to hold up a lighter in tribute, and burns <it> self for X damage.
  • You play an acoustic version of a country-and-western song. <It> gets an achy, breaky heart and takes X damage.
  • You play an acoustic version of a heavy metal song. It's not the greatest song ever, but it's certainly a good tribute, and just hearing it makes <it> take X damage.
  • You play an acoustic version of "American Pie." Around verse eight, <it> falls asleep and smacks <its> head on a rock for X damage.

Knives

Tested: asparagus knife, batblade, Cloaca-Cola-issue combat knife, Dr. Hobo's scalpel, huge mirror shard, ice sickle, sabre teeth, star stiletto (all knives tested)

  • Generic knife messages:
  • You use your <knife> to cut like a knife. But it feels so right. To you, that is, not to your enemy, who takes X damage.
  • You indulge in a little hack 'n' slash with your <knife>. The hacking doesn't seem to be very effective (and you really should see a doctor about that), but the slashing does X damage.
  • You stab wildly with your <knife>. Your form is sloppy, but fortunately stabbing isn't really an exact science. You manage to deal X damage. (Used to have a minor bug - the damage number was reported instead of the weapon name as well as in the right place.)
  • The pain of being dumped right before the prom cuts like a knife, but not as effectively or literally as the cut you make with your asparagus knife. You do X damage.
  • You do a little stabbity-stabbity with your asparagus knife, dealing X to your opponent, as well as making his/her/its blood smell funny.
  • You smack <it> with the flat of your batblade for X damage. Holy angry welt, batblade!
  • You poke several holes in <it> with your batblade, for X damage. Holey opponent, batblade!
  • You stab <it> with your Cloaca-Cola-issue combat knife. You can't beat the feeling of having just stabbed <it>, and <it> can't help taking X damage.
  • You shout "Cloaca-Cola is it!" and stab <it> with your Cloaca-Cola-issue combat knife for X damage.
  • You slash <it> with your Cloaca-Cola-issue combat knife, making him catch the wave (the wave of mutilation, that is) for X damage.
  • You make a bix "X" on <it> with your scalpel. X never, ever marks the spot, but in this case, it marks the spot where you did X damage.
  • You slash with your scalpel, and <it> chooses to step forward rather than dodge. <It> chose...poorly, and takes X damage.
  • You slash <it> with the scalpel, taking X points of <its> precious hit points. Looks like there is nothing <it> can possess that you cannot take away.
  • You reflect moonslight off the huge mirror shard, blinding <it> for X damage.
  • You reflect on the combat at hand, then stab <it> for X damage. Get it? REFLECT?
  • You slash <it> with your it , reaping X damage. Since your opponent isn't Mary, <it> now fears you.
  • You slash <it> with your ice sickle for X damage, Comrade
  • You administer X points of frozen, sharp damage with your ice sickle. It's much more effective than the pop sickle you were using earlier
  • You slash <it> with your ice sickle, reaping X damage. Which means at some point you must have sown X damage
  • You use the sabre-teeth to masticate your opponent for X damage. Stop snickering; it means "to chew."
  • You stick the sabre-teeth in your mouth, then sink them into your opponent's jugular. Eww! A mouthful of blood! At least you did X damage.
  • You stab <it> with your stiletto for X damage. What a heel!
  • You stab <it> with your star stiletto for X damage. It's certainly no ghetto stiletto.

Pistols

Tested: grease gun, potato pistol

Need to test: toy ray gun

The toy ray gun that can be made in the future Crimbo area falls under this category, and I believe I have managed to find a message specific to it.

You play a little laser tag with <it>, leaving a smoking hole in <its> chest to indicate you're no longer "it." Your opponent takes X damage.--Sailorbowser 15:41, 14 December 2006 (CST)

Here's some more: You fire a "laser" at your "opponent," hitting him for X damage.

You give him some overly aggressive laser eye surgery. Not only did you do X damage, there's no way his insurance is going to cover it.

You indulge in a little laserblasting with your toy ray gun, waltzing around with it for a while before shooting your opponent for X damage.--Mister Shiggedy 20:04, 14 December 2006 (CST)

  • Generic damage message:
  • You hit <it> for X damage.
  • Generic pistol messages:
  • None so far

I've got a message that would fall under this category. You shoot him for X damage. You consider asking him some questions, but decide to do it later.--Sailorbowser 02:30, 6 December 2006 (CST)

  • You tell <it>, "you're the one that I want (to take X points of damage), ooh, ooh, ooh, honey."
  • You fire a lightning-fast blob of grease from your grease gun. <It> takes X points of automatic, systematic, hydromatic damage.
  • You fire a big blob of grease from your grease gun. <It> is now hopelessly devoted to taking X points of damage

Here's a grease gun message. You hit <it> with a blob of grease for X damage. Pain is the word, is the word that you heard...--Sailorbowser 02:33, 6 December 2006 (CST)

Here is another one. Your grease gun fires with a resounding "chang chang, changity chang she-bop." <It> takes X points of damage.--Sailorbowser 02:37, 6 December 2006 (CST)

  • You think <it> is looking hungry, so you serve up some potato pellets, for X starchy damage points.
  • You fire a potato pellet, which bugs your opponent for X damage. You potato bug, you.
  • You fire either a potato or potahto pellet, hitting <it> for X damage.
  • You deliver a healthy dose of starchy pain to your opponent, hitting for X damage.
  • You fire a potato pellet from your potato pistol. It doesn't make a hole perpendicular to anything, but it does hit for X damage.

Polearms

Tested so far: antique spear, bill bec-de-bardiche glaive-guisarme, grave robbing shovel, halfberd, Knob Goblin elite polearm, ninja mop, rusty grave robbing shovel, wholeberd

Need to test: Grimacite glaive

  • Generic polearm messages:
  • Ho! Ha-ha! Guard! Turn! Parry! Dodge! Spin! Ha! Thrust! You do X damage.
  • You grab the end of your <polearm>, hold it out in front of you, and spin around in a circle, hitting <it> twice for X damage (total). You feel vaguely like a martial-arts-adept turtle.
  • You plant your <polearm> firmly at your feet, then use it to brace yourself for a flying kick! You do X damage.
  • You spin your <polearm> over your head all kung-fu style, then whack <it> with both ends, consecutively, doing X damage.
  • You step close to <it> and spin your <polearm>, whacking <it> six or seven times for X damage.
  • None so far
  • M'sieur, you heet with your bill bec-de-bardiche glaive-guisarme for X damage. Hoh hoh hoh.
  • You hit with whatever that pointy thing is on the end of whatever this ridiculous weapon is, doing X damage.
  • You hack with the pointy thing on the end of your bill bec-de-bardiche glaive-guisarme, then slash with the other pointy thing, for X damage.
  • You hit with your bill bec-de-bardiche glaive-guisarme for X damage. Quels dommages!
  • You smack <it> with the blunt end of your bill bec-de-bardiche glaive-guisarme for X damage. You then tell <it> to go away, or you shall taunt <it> a second time.
  • None so far
  • You deliver a half-assed attack with your halfberd, which hits <its> whole ass for... I was never good at fractions, so let's just say X damage.
  • You hit twice as hard with your halfberd, to make up for the deficit, and do X damage.
  • You use your Knob Goblin elite polearm to hit <it> in the armpole. Er, arm. It does X damage.
  • None so far
  • You slash <it> with the rusty shovel. <It> takes X damage and should probably get a tetanus shot.
  • You stab <it> with the pointy end of the shovel for X damage. Can you dig it? I knew that you could.
  • You spin the wholeberd and make a wholeass (and successful) attempt to smack <it> with it. You do X damage.

Radio

Tested: ga-ga radio (all radios tested)

  • Generic damage message:
  • You hit for X damage.
  • The sound waves from your ga-ga radio show your opponent a crazy little thing called PAIN, for X damage.
  • You realize the show must go on, and hit with your ga-ga radio for X damage.
  • Since you don't have a gun to put against <its> head, you use the sound waves from your radio to hit for X damage.
  • The sound waves from your ga-ga radio knock <it> to the ground. <It> bites the dust.
  • You walk warily up to it, with your brim pulled way down low. Then you raise your brim and do X damage with your radio.

--'Brim message' found while fighting Mimic. Did Jick and co. add new Attack Messages? Jayzabala 00:41, 20 September 2006 (CDT)

Sack

Tested: sack of doorknobs (all sacks tested)

  • Generic damage message:
  • You hit <it> for X damage.
  • You whip a cheap aluminum doorknob out of your sack of doorknobs and throw it at <it>, hitting <it> right between the eyes for X damage.
  • You throw several doorknobs from your sack of doorknobs, proving that you're smarter than your weapon and hitting for X damage.
  • You whip a heavy brass doorknob out of your sack of doorknobs and throw it at <it>. <It> fails to dodge, proving <it> is dumber than your weapon and taking X damage.
  • You whip a lead-painted doorknob out of your sack of doorknobs and throw it for X damage. It's sweet, like lead paint is sweet. (I bet it is, too.)
  • You whip a cut-glass doorknob (like from grandma's house) out of your sack of doorknobs and throw it at <it>, doing X damage.

Saucepans

Tested: 5-Alarm Saucepan, 17-alarm Saucepan, saucepan (all saucepans tested)

  • Generic saucepan messages:
  • You tip your <saucepan> over and pour out a saucepan-full of PAIN. Specifically, X damage's worth.
  • You tip your <saucepan> over and pour out the PAIN. Even though it's a saucepan, not a little teapot, it tips and pours just fine. He suffers X damage.
  • Your <saucepan> makes a satisfying CLANG as it rebounds off of your enemy for X damage. You feel briefly like a stereotypical comic strip housewife.
  • You saucily swing and smack with your <saucepan>, doing X points of non-salubrious damage.
  • Your <saucepan> swishes saucily through the air, caroming off of your enemy for X damage.
  • You pour the scalding-hot contents of your 5-Alarm/17-Alarm Saucepan over your enemy's head, doing X damage. The saucepan automagically fills back up again. Handy!
  • You tip your saucepan over and pour its scalding-hot contents out on your foe. Then you see the saucepan doesn't have anything in it, and just hit <it> with it instead, doing X damage.

Slingshots

Tested: slingshot, Turtleslinger (all slingshots tested)

  • Generic slingshot messages:
  • You pull back and let fly with your <slingshot>, feeling vaguely like a metaphorical kid fighting a metaphorical giant. You hit <it> right between the eyes for X damage.
  • You administer the slingshot maneuver with your <slingshot>, shake-and-baking <it> for X damage.
  • You take careful aim, pull back, and let fly with your <slingshot>, feeling vaguely like a turn-of-the-century naughty child. You hit <it> between the eyes for X damage.
  • You sling a rock from your slingshot at <it>. You miss by a country mile, but you hit the window behind <it> and some of the glass shards hit for X damage. We did mention the window back there, right?
  • You sling a rock from your slingshot at <it>, feeling vaguely like you're back in Sunday School. You hit <it> between the eyes for X damage.
  • You sling a furious snapping turtle from your Turtleslinger, which latches onto <it> for X damage.
  • You sling a furious loggerhead turtle at <it>, which comes to loggerheads with <it> for X damage.
  • You sling a furious box turtle from your Turtleslinger, which boxes <its> ears for X damage.

Custom Monster Message?

Anyone else willing to try using a Slingshot in the Castle in the Clouds in the Sky and confirm the possible monster-(type?)-specific message I got there? -Fatmus 15:27, 16 September 2006 (CDT)

Yeah, I just spent some time there with a slingshot and got two messages that were originally in the turtleslinger category and one that's not mentioned yet, which is the one I assume you mean: -Boba Feta 13:59, 16 September 2006 (PDT)

  • You sling a projectile from your <slingshot> and hit the giant right between the eyes! He staggers and falls back in a religiously significant way, taking X damage.

Spears

Tested: giant needle, Gnollish autoplunger, Gnollish plunger, pitchfork, plexiglass pike pike, wooden stakes (all spears tested)

  • Generic damage message:
  • You hit <it> for X damage.
  • Generic spear messages:
  • You jab <it> in the eye with your <spear>, dealing X damage. There's <spear> in your eye!
  • You poke <it> with the pointy end of your <spear>, then hit <it> with the blunt end. All told, it deals X damage.
  • You poke <it> with the giant needle, creating some warm-sounding, analog pain. You do X damage.
  • You do a little remixing with your giant needle, scratching <it> for X damage.
  • You've seen the needle use the man, so you use the needle to poke <it> for X damage.
  • You needle <it> for X damage. Did you really need to?
  • You drop that beat like a bad habit and scratch <it> for X damage.
  • You turn the exhaust pipe on your Gnollish autoplunger around, enveloping <it> in a cloud of thick smoke. The ensuing coughing fit does X damage.
  • You shift your Gnollish autoplunger into second gear and thrust it forward, plunging the crap out of <it>. Not literally, though, ironically enough. Anyway, you do X damage.
  • You rev up your Gnollish autoplunger and thrust it forward, battering <it> for X damage.
  • You rev up your Gnollish autoplunger and thrust it forward, leaving a line of hickeys across <its> chest. (Buggy: No damage listed)
  • You grip your Gnollish plunger tightly and thrust it toward <its> face. The plunger suctions on, then detaches with a satisfying THWOK! Your opponent takes X damage, and gets a funny-looking hickey.
  • You swing your Gnollish plunger through the air, trying to keep the rubber end as far from your nose as possible. It sticks to <it> with a satisfying thwok for X damage.
  • You swing your Gnollish plunger through the air, thwapping <it> on the arm with it for X damage. Unsanitary!
  • You grab the bell end of your Gnollish plunger (wincing slightly), and smack <it> with the handle for X damage. Now go wash your hands.
  • You attach your Gnollish plunger to <its> forehead, then pull it off with a satisfying thwok. <It> takes X damage, and gets a very silly-looking hickey.
  • (Only when fighting a Gnollish Plungermaster.) You engage in an exhaustive duel with the Plungermaster - thrusting, parrying, and doing fancy footwork. Finally, you land a solid blow for X damage. Looks like he's the Plungerstudent now.
  • You pitch the pitchfork at <it>, forking <it> for X damage.
  • You stab <it> with your pitchfork. Hay! That did X damage!
  • You spear <it> with your pitchfork for X damage. Later, to balance things out, you're going to have to fork something with a spear.
  • You fork <it> with the pitchfork for X damage. Thank goodness it wasn't a pitchspoon.
  • You stab it with all three tines of your pitchfork for X damage, feeling briefly like the king of the sea.
  • Your motives, as well as your weapon, are transparent as you hit <it> for X damage.
  • You slash <it> with the razor-sharp pike at the end of your pike for X damage.
  • You leap into the air, grab your toes, do a somersault, and thrust forward with your pike as you land. You spear <it> for X damage.
  • You smack <it> with the pike at the end of your pike. It's clear that the fishes are not so delicious, but actually quite painful. You do X damage.
  • You spin your plexiglass pike pike, bonking <it> with the butt end and slashing with the sharp, fishy end for X damage.
  • You prepare your stakes with a delicious marinade, grill them lightly, then plunge them into <it> for X damage.
  • You realize there's a lot at stake in this combat, so you stake your claim on victory by staking <it> for X damage.
  • You feel a little weird about stabbing someone with a pair of wooden stakes, so you pretend they're the ground next to a tent. That makes it easier to stab <it> for X damage.
  • You make like a vampire slayer and stab <it> with your stakes for X damage. Unlike a vampire slayer, though, you don't start making out with <it>.
  • You raise the stakes on this combat by raising your stakes above your head and slamming them down on <it>. <It> takes X damage.
  • NOTE: there are no special 'spooky vampire only' messages with the stakes.

Staves

Tested so far: 25-meat staff, asbestos staff, basic meat staff, big stick, bow staff, bubblewrap staff, cardboard staff, chrome staff, clockwork staff, crowbarrr, dense meat staff, dripping meat staff, eXtreme meat staff, flypaper staff, giant cheesestick, giant discarded plastic fork, glistening staff, hairy staff, Kentucky-fried meat staff, linoleum staff, meatspout staff, pool cue, poutine pole, ram stick, ram-battering staff, rib of the Bonerdagon, savory staff, smoldering staff, soylent staff, spooky staff, spooky stick, squeaky staff, star staff, starchy staff, styrofoam staff (all staves tested)

  • Generic staff messages:
  • You deliver a serious wound (to the tune of X damage) with your staff. You hope <it> doesn't get a staff infection. Actually, come to think of it, you hope <it> does. (Note: The words "doesn't" and "does" do not change, even if you are fighting a plural monster, such as the Irritating Series of Random Encounters.--CaptainUberBass 16:30, 18 October 2006 (CDT))
  • You examine your staff to figure out which end is the business end, then you hit <it> with the business end of your staff for X damage.
  • You speak softly, then clobber <it> with your big stick, dealing X damage.
  • You twirl your staff around like a giant baton, and then hit <it> with it like something you'd hit with a giant baton, doing X damage.
  • Only against creatures with heads:
  • You grab your staff by one end and swing it like a really unwieldy baseball bat, hitting <it> in the head for X damage.
  • You smack <it> upside the head with your staff, doing X damage and making a loud crunch.
  • Only against creatures with feet:
  • You hit <it> in the foot with the end of your staff, and when <it> starts hopping on one foot, you hit <it> in the other foot. <It> falls on his ass, sustaining X damage.
  • You stick your staff between <its> ankles, tripping <it> and dealing X damage.
  • None so far
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"Hit him in the other foot" Message

There's a rumor on the KOL forums that the "hit him in the other foot" message only occurs versus monsters that have feet. Can anyone confirm or deny? --Jonrock 13:54, 13 September 2006 (CDT)

"your weapon and the monster you're fighting" i think it is. i spent about 20 adventures in the bat-hole and it didn't give me it, go to the castle in the clouds and get it in 2. i_am_evil23 6:02 14 September 2006

Swords

Tested so far: asbestos sword, balloon sword, bamboo bokuto, basic meat sword, broken sword, bubblewrap sword, buffalo blade, bugbear-smiting sword, cardboard katana, cardboard sword, cardboard wakizashi, chrome sword, clockwork sword, dense meat sword, dripping meat sword, eXtreme meat sword, flaming cardboard sword, Frost™ brand sword, grass blade, icy-hot katana, Kentucky-fried meat sword, Knob Goblin scimitar, linoleum sword, lupine sword, muculent machete, pestoblade, pixel sword, ridiculously huge sword, savory sword, shuddersword, Spirit Precipice, star sword, starchy sword, styrofoam sword, suede shortsword, Super Magic Power Sword X, sweet ninja sword, sword behind inappropriate prepositions, sword of static, time sword, tiny ninja sword, two-handed depthsword, vorpal blade, white sword,Tropical Crimbo Sword

Need to test: Bigger Bugfinder Blade, Bugfinder Blade, Crimbo sword, Radio Free Foil, Totally Gay Claymore

  • Generic sword messages:
  • You slice, dice, and then re-slice <it> for X damage.
  • You whirl around and cut <it> right across his midsection, doing X damage.
  • Only against creatures with heads:
  • You clobber <it> in the forehead with the hilt of your sword, dealing X damage.
  • You slap <it> on the forehead with the flat of your blade, dealing X damage (and producing a satisfying thwap sound.)
  • Only against creatures with legs:
  • You slice <it> across the <giblets> for X damage.
  • You hamstring <it> for X damage. Mmm, ham. And... mmm, string.
  • You poke <it> in the shoulder, dealing X damage.
  • None so far
  • None so far
  • None so far
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  • Unknown
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  • None so far
  • None so far
  • None so far
  • None so far
  • None so far
  • None so far
  • None so far
  • It chops up with the animal for X damage!
  • The monster is struck very for X damage by the hand which was opened.
  • The collision for the monster for X damage!
  • The extreme shock where your opposite person X damage is given it copes!
  • Your opposite person who has your weapon for X damage powerfully is broken!
  • You do some seriously sweet ninja stuff with your ninja sword, including temporarily severing <its> arm for X damage.
  • You hit for X damage. Sweet ninja sword (ba bum bum) good times never seemed so good...
  • Gives only the generic sword messages, but, as per the nature of the sword, sprinkles inappropriate prepositions throughout the generic message text.
  • None so far
  • None so far
  • None so far
  • None so far
  • None so far
  • None so far
  • One-two! One-two! The vorpal blade goes snicker-snack, through and through <it> for X damage.
  • None so far

Throwing Spear

Tested so far: prehistoric spear (All throwing spears tested.)

  • Generic damage message:
  • You hit <it> for X damage.
  • prehistoric spear only:
    Eegah! Looks like you hit <it> for X damage with a well-tossed spear.
    You shout, "tonga nala tonga!" and hurl your prehistoric spear at <it>. The spear spears <it> like Britney, doing X damage.
    You throw your caveman spear at <it>, doing X damage. Lets hope no one unfreezes any caveman lawyers to sue you for that.
    You throw your prehistoric spear at <it>, beating <its>[sic] ass back into the Pleistocene for X damage.
    You throw your prehistoric spear at <it>, raising <its> spear factor by X points.

Umbrellas

Tested: little paper umbrella, titanium assault umbrella (all umbrellas tested)

  • Generic damage message:
  • You hit for X damage
  • Generic umbrella messages:
  • You stick your <umbrella> up <its> nose and open it, doing X damage. Now you know why it's bad luck to open an umbrella inside your nose.
  • You pretend that you're a bartender making a fruity girl drink, and that <it>s eye is a maraschino cherry. <It> takes X damage, and seriously... ow.
  • You poke <it> with the toothpick end of the little paper umbrella, doing X damage.
  • You smack <it> repeatedly with the tiny umbrella. <It> falls over laughing and sustains X damage.
  • You poke <it> with the point of your titanium assault umbrella. <It> gets the point, and also X damage.
  • You smack <it> up one side and down the other with your titanium assault umbrella, doing X damage and feeling like a hysterical old lady.
  • You open the titanium assault umbrella, put it over your shoulder, and do an a cappella version of "Three Little Maids From School." <It> takes X points worth of confusion.
  • You open the titanium assault umbrella in front of you and spin it, hypnotizing <it> until <it> falls over, taking X damage.

The "Ella. Ella. Ay, ay, ay, ay." text, and Rihanna reference, is being edited in & out of the titanium assault umbrella page pretty frequently - But the reference isn't mentioned anywhere else - Should it be on this page, or on the umbrella category page?--ArgghFW 12:11, 8 February 2008 (CST)

Utensils

Tested so far: basic meat spork, cheap plastic bottle opener, chopsticks, corn holder, eggbeater, filthy pestle, Gnollish pie server, Gnollish slotted spoon, huge spoon, iron pasta spoon, jack flapper, Knob Goblin melon baller, Knob Goblin spatula, Knob Goblin tongs, Knob Goblin tongs, Mjolnir Jr., oversized pizza cutter, Pasta of Peril, pasta spoon, portable corkscrew, shiny butcherknife, spork, star spatula (all utensils tested)

  • Generic utensils messages:
  • You cook up some pain for your opponent. X damage worth, to be exact.
  • You kick your opponent up X notches. BAM!
  • Only against creatures with head(s):
  • You slap <it> upside the head with the business end of your <utensil>, doing X damage.
  • Only against creatures with feet:
  • You swat <it> on the <throat>, doing X damage.
  • None so far
  • None so far
  • None so far
  • None so far
  • None so far
  • None so far
  • None so far
  • None so far
  • None so far
  • None so far
  • None so far
  • None so far
  • None so far
  • None so far
  • None
  • None so far
  • None so far
  • You use your pasta spoon to give <it> a spoonful of sugar, to help the medicine go down. And by "medicine," I mean "whoop-ass," which does X damage.
  • You whack <it> with the back of the pasta spoon, flashing back briefly to your grandma's kitchen. You do X damage.
  • None so far
  • None so far
  • None so far
  • None so far

Wand

Tested: Wand of Nagamar (all wands tested)

  • You wave your Wand of Nagamar at <it>, and BOTH ARMS transform into BRA MOTHS. They flit away to search for a lingerie store, while <it> is disarmed for X damage.
  • You wave your Wand of Nagamar at <its> THICK TORSO. KITSCH ROOTS spring out of <it>, whipping <it> in a decidedly retro, campy fashion for X damage.
  • You wave your Wand of Nagamar at <its> UPPER THIGH, which transforms into a HIPPER THUG. The thug wanders off to find a groovier locale, and your opponent takes X damage.
  • You wave your Wand of Nagamar at <its> LEFT WING (not to get political), which transforms into a WET FLING. <It> crashes to the ground for X damage.
  • You wave your Wand of Nagamar and <its> UGLY HEAD turns into a HUGE LADY. <It> falls beneath the weight and takes X damage.
  • You wave your Wand of Nagamar and <its> SLIMY TAIL turns into A LILY MIST. The pleasant smell of lilies fills the air as <it> takes X damage from being de-tailed.
  • Against the Naughty Sorceress Only(?):
  • You hit her for X damage.

Whips

Tested: cool whip, dishrag, gnauga hide whip, hippo whip, penguin whip, yak whip (all whips tested)

  • Generic whip messages:
  • You whip <it> into shape. That shape being "pretty bad." <It> takes X damage.
  • You make like a globe-trotting archaelogist and whip <it> for X damage.
  • You give the past a slip, and crack that whip on <it> for X damage.
  • You prove you're smart as a whip by whipping <it> for X damage.
  • You whip him with your cool whip, whipping up X points of really neat, groovy, and hip PAIN.
  • You crack your cool whip at it, doing X points of totally awesome damage.
  • You snap the dishrag, hitting <it> for X damage. You have a brief flashback to gym class, and that weird teacher who wanted to make really sure you all showered naked.
  • You remember your junior high P.E. class and snap <it> with your dishrag for X damage.
  • You crack the gnauga hide whip, givigng the past a slip and doigng X damage.
  • You deliver a tough, stignging smack with your gnauga hide whip, doigng X damage.
  • The hippo whip makes a thick, meaty sound as it smacks across it for X damage.
  • You give <it> a fat, hearty smack with your hippo whip, for X damage.
  • You compose an opus of pain with your penguin whip, doing X damage.
  • The crack of a whip and the slight odor of herring indicates that you've hit with your penguin whip for X damage.
  • You get tired of <it> talking back, and smack <it> with your yak whip for X damage.
  • You deliver a healthy yak smack to <it> for X damage.
  • You whip him with your whip. He seems to enjoy it, which skeeves you out, but it does do X points of damage.

Yo-yo

Tested: lead yo-yo (all yo-yos tested)

  • Generic damage message:
  • You hit <it> for X damage.
  • You shred <it> like a red-head shreds a cello, ma. You do X damage.
  • You shoot-the-moon with your lead yo-yo, hitting <it> for X damage.
  • You let fly with the lead yo-yo, doing a quick around-the-world (around the world, around the world) for X damage.
  • You do an over-the-shoulder with your lead yo-yo, barely missing your shoulderblade before hitting <it> for X damage.

Weaponless Combat?!?

Should there be mention somewhere on the wiki (if there is I couldn't find it) that if no weapon is equipped the character will randomly attack with either "Fists of Fury", "Forehead of Fury", or "Feet of Fury"? There does not appear to be any special attack message, just generic "you hit for X damage"... Any thoughts?

Note - Having a hat equipped does not change "Forehead of Fury" damage like Headbutt. --Gleezus 10:25, 23 September 2006 (CDT)

Yes, thoughts:
You poke it for X damage. Since this isn't the Book of Faces, you don't wait for it to poke you back. BOOF! WHACK! BIFF!
(That's just one example. And there's only one exclamation, rather than three.) DoubleU 22:11, 11 May 2011 (UTC)

I just got a message I haven't seen before: An image of a trophy followed by " New attack damage record!" - I'd assume it had something to do with the Kung Fu Fighting instrinsics that were active (all 4)- the hit message was the foot clan invitation, but a quick google around didn't turn up that damage record message. I forgot to cut and paste the damage breakdown itself (I think it was 40 regular,20 spooky,10 cold), but aside from possibly being the max possible under the circumstances, it wasn't that huge. Poor weretaco never had a chance. --Noskilz 20:39, 17 May 2011 (UTC)

  • Just happened again the conventional damage was 42, and it was a critical hit, not a regular hit, so if there's a special critical hit message page, it probably belongs there.--Noskilz 20:56, 17 May 2011 (UTC)
That message is from the Valhalla revamp. The game now keeps track of your highest melee/spell hits and unlocks a buyable (karma) starting item once you hit the right number. --Lordebon 20:45, 17 May 2011 (UTC)

Monsters That Have Their Own Messages

  • Your attack severs the bar's arm, effectively violating his second amendment rights. You commie. You do X damage, Comrade. (linoleum sword, wooden stakes)


Fumble

Are there any special messages when fumbling with a weapon?

Actual article

Do we have enough information to turn this into an actual article, instead of just a talk page? --TechSmurf 23:12, 7 March 2007 (CST)

  • Actually, we do, but what should be said on the actual article?
  • Perhaps the messages each weapon does, and alist of weapons with custom attacks, then list the actual attacks of the weapons page --Co678 15:00, 17 July 2007 (CDT)
  • Should we archive this page? It's sorta silly to have attack messages in a billion places, depending on whether it's generic or custom (category page, this article, this article's talk page, the actual weapon page). --Bagatelle 17:04, 18 December 2007 (CST)


Has adding a References section been considered? Because I think I've spotted a couple. --VIolet84 07:54, 11 June 2011 (UTC)

New ones

I noticed that I'm getting what I think are unlisted club messages, with the seal-clubbing club:

You use your seal-clubbing club to usher it into the exclusive "I Just Took 34 Damage" club.
You compare it to a kiss from a rose on the grey. Then you introduce it to a kiss from your club on its face (for 35 damage).
You pretend it's a Christmas Seal, and festively club them for 34 damage.
You realize you're never gonna survive unless you get a little crazy, so you crazily bash it with your seal-clubbing club for 34 damage.

And more with the saucepan:

You saucily whack it with your saucepan, doing X salacious damage.
You start a saucepandemic of pain, furiously swinging it until you've taken X damage from it.
You use your saucepan to dent its brainpan, doing X damage.
Your saucepan makes a satisfying CLANG as it rebounds off of your enemy for X damage. You feel briefly like a stereotypical comic strip housewife.
You channel a housewife from 1950's comic strips and whack it with your saucepan for X damage.

It's a bit indeterminate whether these are unique to the regular saucepan or all of them, right now, so I didn't add them to the article. --Starwed 04:58, 10 February 2008 (CST)

  • try Clubs and Saucepans for all your generic hit messaging needs. the festive club message seems new, as are three of the saucepan's. --~~

So I forgot to equip a weapon at the start of an Avatar of Boris run recently, and found these unarmed close combat messages.

You're feeling a little punchy, so you punch it for 1 damage.
You poke it for 1 damage. Since this isn't the Book of Faces, you don't wait for it to poke you back.
You give it a couple of knuckle sandwiches with relish. Er, I mean, you relish giving it a knuckle sandwich, for 1 damage.
You kick it in the most groin-looking parts of it you can find, doing 2 damage.
Just like the baker works because he kneads the dough, you kneed it for 1 damage.
You get no kick from champagne, but you give it a couple of kicks for 1 damage.

My presumption is they got stuck in sometime around Kung-Fu Hustler, but I've never seen them before at all. A clannie claims he's seen them there for a while, but that's not helpful evidence. Just thought y'all would like to know.

--Chyld 20:32, 6 March 2012 (CET)