| There are some vague or non-exact figures and information on this page. Some spading is required.
|Hit Points||Scales with player stats|
|Attack||Scales with player stats|
|Defense||Scales with player stats|
|Monster Parts||head, arm, leg, torso|
A Crimbo elf pushing a little cart wheels it up to you and starts laboriously assembling a taco. "Crunchtabulous™ shell, .5 ounces pipin' hot cheese-fried refried beans, 3 ounces chipotle-dijon angus meat, four shreds of spicy cotija queso cheese, 2 tablespoons poblano jalapeño ranch pico de gallo sauce," he mutters, as he places each ingredient in the shell. "Crunchtabulous™ shell, .5 ounces pipin' hot cheese-fried ref --"
"Hey, aren't you a Crimbo elf?" you ask.
"Aw, dangit! You made me lose my place! Every Taco Dan's Taco Stand taco must be made to his exacting Taco Dan's Taco Standards! You're gonna cost me my job!" the elf shouts, and waves a ladle at you menacingly.
He sprays poblano jalapeño ranch pico de gallo sauce in your eyes. It stings. Ooh! (hot damage)
He smacks you in the <calf> with a Crunchtabulous™ shell. The crunching sound you hear isn't the shell, it's you. Ugh!
He spreads some pipin' hot cheese-fried refried beans on your <giblets>. It's like napalm, only delicious. Ow!
He sprinkles you with spicy cotija queso cheese. Some of it wafts into your mouth and lodges in your trachea. Ugh!
He sprays poblano jalapeño ranch pico de gallo sauce at you, but you point out that "pico de gallo" is already a kind of sauce, so it's redundant.
He tries to smack you with a Crunchtabulous™ shell, but it falls apart in his hands.
He tries to spread some pipin' hot cheese-fried refried beans on you, but you're a smart enough human bean to dodge.
He tries to sprinkle you with spicy cotija queso cheese, but you point out that "queso" means cheese, and "cotija" is a type of cheese.
He takes his five-minute break, as authorized by Taco Dan's Taco Standards manual, before continuing the fight. (FUMBLE!)
|You acquire an item: Taco Dan's Taco Stand Chimichangarita|
|You acquire an item: Taco Dan's Taco Stand Flier|
|You gain some <substat>.|