Stuffing Golem

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Stuffing Golem
Monster ID 315
Locations Appears about every 30 adventures on Feast of Boris
Hit Points 75% of Player HP
Attack Player's Buffed Moxie - 3
Defense Player's Buffed Muscle - 3
Initiative 100
Meat None
Phylum construct
Elements None
Resistance None
Monster Parts head, arm, leg
Drops
single-serving herbal stuffing (below level 7), herbal stuffing (level 7 and above)
Manuel Entry
refreshedit data
Stuffing Golem You're fighting a Stuffing Golem

This is a golem composed entirely of bread cubes, herbs, and celery soaked in turkey broth. At least it doesn't have apple slices in it -- man, that's nasty.

Hit Message(s):

It slices your <head> with its celery claws. With celerity. Argh! Argh! Ow!

It slams one heavy, soggy-bread-fist into your <leg>. It's like being hit by a truck made out of wet sponges. Eek! Eek! Ooh!

It beats the stuffing out of you, which is fairly ironic. Ow! Oof! Ooh! Ugh! Argh!

Critical Hit Message:

It hits you with the top of a stove. Where did it even get that thing? Eek! Ugh! Ugh!

Miss Message(s):

It scratches at you with its celery claws, but they've gone limp. You tell him to wait a half hour and try again.

It kicks you with one leg, but soggy bread is not the most effective weapon.

It tries to beat the stuffing out of you, but has to stop and ponder the irony.

Fumble Message:

It rears back a fist to hit you, but a wandering hippy eats the fist. Like, wow, man. That hippy was, like, really hungry, man. (FUMBLE!)


After Combat

Smallcas.gifYou acquire an item: single-serving herbal stuffing
Casserole.gifYou acquire an item: herbal stuffing
You gain some <substat>.

Occurs on the Feast of Boris at normal adventure locations.

Notes

References

  • "Celerity" means quickness, or swiftness of motion.
  • The critical hit message refers to Stove Top stuffing, the first variety of instant stuffing.
  • The miss message involving celery going limp is a reference to the male sexual refractory period.