Sporto
| Sporto | |
|---|---|
| Monster ID | 1356 |
| Locations | The Hallowed Halls |
| Hit Points | 75% of Monster Defense |
| Attack | Player's Moxie+2 |
| Defense | Player's Muscle+2 |
| Initiative | 60 |
| Meat | 24-36 |
| Phylum | dude |
| Elements | None |
| Resistance | ? |
| Monster Parts | head, arm, leg, torso, adam's apple |
| Manuel Entry | |
| refreshedit data | |
You're fighting a sportoThis hulking monstrosity is a member of the KOLHS Lacrosse Team. People often use the term "built like a brick house" to talk about beautiful women, but in this case it means "sturdy, broad, hard to knock over, and would hurt you if you punched it."
And, of course, "unlikely to be felled by a hyperventilating wolf."
Hit Message(s):
She hits you with a lacrosse stick. You're a bit cross about it. Ooh!
She puts you in a headlock and gives you a noogie. Ooh!
She gives you a wedgie, which is both painful and humiliating. Ooh!
She whips a lacrosse ball at you, and it leaves a circular bruise on your <foot>. Ooh!
She hip-checks you into the lockers, making a you-shaped dent. Ooh!
She throws an elbow, and you fail to give her elbow room, so you get hit in the <solar plexus>. Ooh!
She scoops you up in her lacrosse net, swings you over her head, and whips you down the hall and into the bank of lockers opposite. You now have a deep sympathy for those poor lacrosse balls. Ooh!
She hip-checks you at the lockers, but you check yourself before you hit them.
She tries to get you in a half-nelson, but kind of half-asses it.
She whips a lacrosse ball at you, but you're used to dodging balls because of your history playing dodgeball. Wait, what did you think I was going for there?
She tries to hit you with a lacrosse stick, but you cross away from it.
She throws an elbow, but you give her ample elbow room.
She tries to give you a wedgie, but you avoid getting wedged.
She needs to carb-load before the next lacrosse meet, so she stops to go pound a protein smoothie and a few energy bars. (FUMBLE!)
 | You gain 24-36 Meat. (average: 30, stdev: 2.83)* |
 | You acquire an item: twisted-up wet towel (5% chance)* |
 | You acquire an item: surgical tape (15% chance)* |
 | You acquire an item: stepmom's booze (15% chance)* |
 | You acquire an item: folder (sportsballs) (10% chance)* |
Occurs at The Hallowed Halls.
Notes
- This monster scales to your stats plus 2 (total capped at 200), plus +ML.
- The folder (sportsballs) presumably only drops if you have an over-the-shoulder Folder Holder equipped.
References
- For those who were never exposed to fairy tales as a kid, "unlikely to be felled by a hyperventilating wolf" refers to the wolf and the brick house in The Three Little Pigs.
