Sporto

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Sporto
Monster ID 1356
Locations The Hallowed Halls
Hit Points 75% of Monster Defense
Attack Player's Moxie+2
Defense Player's Muscle+2
Initiative 60
Meat 24-36
Phylum dude
Elements None
Resistance  ?
Monster Parts head, arm, leg, torso, adam's apple
Drops
surgical tape, folder (sportsballs), stepmom's booze, twisted-up wet towel
Manuel Entry
refreshedit data
sporto You're fighting a sporto

This hulking monstrosity is a member of the KOLHS Lacrosse Team. People often use the term "built like a brick house" to talk about beautiful women, but in this case it means "sturdy, broad, hard to knock over, and would hurt you if you punched it."

And, of course, "unlikely to be felled by a hyperventilating wolf."

Hit Message(s):

She hits you with a lacrosse stick. You're a bit cross about it. Ooh!

She puts you in a headlock and gives you a noogie. Ooh!

She gives you a wedgie, which is both painful and humiliating. Ooh!

She whips a lacrosse ball at you, and it leaves a circular bruise on your <arse>. Ooh!

She hip-checks you into the lockers, making a you-shaped dent. Ooh!

She throws an elbow, and you fail to give her elbow room, so you get hit in the <groin>. Ooh!

Critical Hit Message:

She scoops you up in her lacrosse net, swings you over her head, and whips you down the hall and into the bank of lockers opposite. You now have a deep sympathy for those poor lacrosse balls. Ooh!

Miss Message(s):

She hip-checks you at the lockers, but you check yourself before you hit them.

She tries to get you in a half-nelson, but kind of half-asses it.

She whips a lacrosse ball at you, but you're used to dodging balls because of your history playing dodgeball. Wait, what did you think I was going for there?

She tries to hit you with a lacrosse stick, but you cross away from it.

She throws an elbow, but you give her ample elbow room.

She tries to give you a wedgie, but you avoid getting wedged.

Fumble Message:

She needs to carb-load before the next lacrosse meet, so she stops to go pound a protein smoothie and a few energy bars. (FUMBLE!)


After Combat

Meat.gifYou gain 24-36 Meat. (average: 30, stdev: 2.83)*
Wettowel.gifYou acquire an item: twisted-up wet towel (5% chance)*
Surgicaltape.gifYou acquire an item: surgical tape (15% chance)*
Wine2.gifYou acquire an item: stepmom's booze (15% chance)*
Folder1.gifYou acquire an item: folder (sportsballs) (10% chance)*

Occurs at The Hallowed Halls.

Notes

References

  • For those who were never exposed to fairy tales as a kid, "unlikely to be felled by a hyperventilating wolf" refers to the wolf and the brick house in The Three Little Pigs.