Spooky hobo
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| Spooky hobo | |
|---|---|
| Monster ID | 692 |
| Locations | The Ancient Hobo Burial Ground |
| Hit Points | 500 |
| Attack | 350 |
| Defense | 315 |
| No-Hit | 360 |
| Initiative | 100 |
| Meat | None |
| Phylum | hobo |
| Elements | spooky |
| Resistance | None |
| Monster Parts | arm, head, leg, torso |
| Manuel Entry | |
| refreshedit data | |
You're fighting Giancarlo "Reaperman" Benedict, Who Sings Nursery Rhymes in a High-Pitched Voice While Delicately Caressing a Straight RazorYou pause to consider the great number of open graves in the Hobo's Graveyard. What could have caused all of these dead hobos to reanimate into horrible undead creatures? Some kind of sorcery? you wonder aloud.
"Naw, <son/Lady>, tain't nothin' so complicated as sorcery," says a voice behind you. You turn to see one of the hobo zombies, grinning. "We're just wanderers, y'know? Never could stay in one place when we was alive, ain't surprisin' that bein' dead didn't stop us neither."
"Well, that makes a kind of sense, I guess," you say.
"Ayup. Oh by the way, GRAAAAAAAAAAGH."
A hobo pulls himself out of a grave next to you. "Lookie what I can do, <son/Lady>!" he says. "Since I am dead, I can take off my head to recite Shakespearean quotations!" He pops off his head, holds it in front of him, and says "Alas, poor Yorick, I knew him well."
"Well," you say, "technically, it's 'alas, poor Yorick. I knew him, Horatio... Aieee!"
You know, it's never a good idea to piss off the undead.
You sit on a nearby gravestone to rest, and start to pour a fotie out on the ground in respect for the dead.
A half-decomposed arm bursts out of the ground and grabs your leg! A rotting skull pops out next to it and (after coughing out a mouthful of dirt) growls, "Consarn it, what the hell d'you think yer doin' wastin' perfectly good booze like that? You think that stuff just grows on trees like cigarettes? You need learned a lesson, <boy/girl>!"
Suddenly, a booming, disembodied voice echoes all around you, making you wish you had brought a change of underwear. "Darkness falls across the land," it entones. "The midnight hour is close at hand. Hobos crawl in search of blood, to terrorize y'all's neighborhood."
"Well," you say, "you had me really scared until you said 'y'all's'. I mean, seriously." You chuckle and turn to go, running smack into an undead hobo. Y'all's had better get ready for a fight.
As you sneak through the ancient hobo burial ground, you hear something go whizzing past your ear and crash into the brush in front of you. You spin around and see a hobo behind you, holding a sizable rock in his hand. "What was that for?" you ask. Then you notice that the hobo has dead, empty eyes and his skin is gray and decomposing.
"The soil of a hobo's heart is stonier," he says. "A hobo grows what he can... and tends it."
The hobo advances on you, tossing the rock in one hand. Freaky!
Hit Message(s):
He grins widely, his decaying lips cracking, and whistles a jaunty tune. Creepy! Argh! Oof! Ouch! Ouch! (spooky damage)
He whistles, and a gaunt dog with glowing red eyes comes bounding up. It howls an unearthly, sepulchral moan. Brrrr. Ouch! Ooh! Eek! Oof! (spooky damage)
He carves a hobo sign on the ground. The sign glows brightly and the ground shakes as a tentacle emerges and smacks you. Spooky! Argh! Argh! Ouch! Oof! (spooky damage)
He cooks up some spooky hobo stew, complete with unidentifiable hunks of gristle. When it splashes you, it tastes of chicken. Wait a minute... Eek! Ouch! Ugh! Ouch! (spooky damage)
He lumbers toward you. Speaking of lumber, he just smacked you upside the head with a railroad tie. Ow! Argh! Oof! Ouch!
A ghost train rumbles through the graveyard and passes straight through you. It's icky, cold, and unbearably spooky. Eek! Argh! Argh! Ow! (spooky damage)
He pops up behind you and says, "thanks for the ride, lady." You run as hard as you can, but when you stop, you feel an icy hand on your shoulder. "Thanks for the ride, lady." Gah! There's no escape! Eek! Ouch! Ugh! Ugh! (spooky damage)
He tries to grin maliciously at you, but he lacks lips.
He whistles for his dog, but his dog hasn't become a zombie yet. It's sad, really.
He carves a hobo sign on the ground. Huh, so that's what the sign for "brrraaaains" looks like.
He cooks up some spooky hobo stew, but you decline to join him for a bite.
He lumbers toward you, but you jack away.
A ghost train rumbles through the graveyard, but you play chicken with the train, and win.
A ghostly car rumbles through the graveyard, endlessly reliving the night some drunken teenager drove it off a cliff. The hobo wanders over to clean its spectral windshield. (FUMBLE!)
He coughs loudly, and maggots spray everywhere. Gross!
 | You lose X hit points. (spooky damage) |
He peels his face off, revealing the naked skull underneath, and screeches at you. All the color drains from your body and your hair stands straight up in a comical fashion.
| You lose X hit points. (spooky damage) |
He tells you a scary ghost story. It's not as spooky as the one about the bees, but it still freaks you out reasonably well.
| You lose X hit points. (spooky damage) |
He sneaks around behind you and yells "Boo!" Your heart skips a beat, and not in a romantic way.
| You lose X hit points. (spooky damage) |
He asks you to guess how many fingers he's holding up, and then shakes his bindle at you. It takes you a moment to catch his meaning, but you're thoroughly creeped out afterwards.
| You lose X hit points. (spooky damage) |
He tells you he has the heart of a twelve-year-old boy. Then he tells you where he keeps it. *Shudder*
| You lose X hit points. (spooky damage) |
He grins at you -- a malevolent, evil grin, so evil that it pierces you to your very soul. Man. You're gonna have to wash your soul off.
| You lose X hit points. (spooky damage) |
His eyes go black, his jaw unhinges, his head spins around, and a flood of split-pea-soup jets out of his mouth. You don't get any on you, but it's freaky, nonetheless.
| You lose X hit points. (spooky damage) |
He asks if you want to meet his brother, and before you can answer, he pulls a jar of formaldehyde from his bindle. Freaky, man.
| You lose X hit points. (spooky damage) |
 | You acquire an item: Asleep in the Cemetery (.1% chance)* |
 | You acquire an item: comfy coffin (.1% chance)* |
 | You acquire an item: hobo nickel (15% chance)* |
| You acquire an item: Let Me Be! (.1% chance)* |
 | You acquire an item: spooky bindle (.1% chance)* |
| You gain 88 <substat>. |
Occurs at The Ancient Hobo Burial Ground
Notes
- Hobos have a chance to use special attacks which are guaranteed to hit regardless of how high or low your Moxie is. These attacks do a great deal more damage than normal attacks and don't seem to interact with defensive abilities such as saucespheres or Hero of the Half-Shell. They can be distinguished from normal hits by the lack of sound effects that follow the message.
- All elemental damage is reduced to 1; hot and stench are subsequently doubled to 2.
- The name, image, and introduction text of this monster are all randomly selected:
- Names follow the pattern of: Spooky Title + First Name + Spooky Nickname + Last Name + Spooky Occupation
- Images are randomly any of the following:
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References
- The first introduction about roaming even after death could be a reference to a line in the Metallica song "Wherever I may Roam" that says "My body lies but still I roam"
- The third introduction about "do you think [booze] grows on trees like cigarettes?" refers to a line in the hobo anthem "The Big Rock Candy Mountain" about cigarette trees.
- The fourth introduction is taken from Michael Jackson's song "Thriller" (namely the Vincent Price narration in the middle).
- The fifth introduction ("the soil of a hobo's heart is stonier") references a line in Stephen King's Pet Sematary.
- The message about the heart of a twelve-year-old boy is another quote from Stephen King, who jokingly said in an interview that he kept one in a jar on his desk.
- The special move involving split-pea-soup references a famous scene in The Exorcist.
- The miss message about playing chicken with the train is a reference to the song "I Play Chicken With The Train" by Cowboy Troy.
- The message about the ghost story refers to the Yuletide story "The Tale of the Mysterious Beekeeper".
- The hobo who can "take off his head to recite Shakespearian quotations" references Jack Skellington from The Nightmare Before Christmas who spoke the exact same lines.
- The same intro references Shakespeare's 'Hamlet', specifically the oft quoted words "Alas, poor Yorick. I knew him, Horatio." but is often misquoted as "Alas, poor Yorick. I knew him well."
- "Thanks for the ride, lady" is a line from the movie Creepshow 2.
