Spider conspirator

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Spider conspirator
Monster ID 1280
Locations The Gourd
Hit Points 25
Attack 22
Defense 18
No-Hit 32
Initiative 50
Meat 12-18
Phylum bug
Elements None
Resistance  ?
Monster Parts head, leg, abdomen, thorax
spider web, spider web, wad of spider silk
Manuel Entry
refreshedit data
spider conspirator You're fighting a spider conspirator

This spider is like no other you've ever seen.* The shiny black carapace is pretty standard, but it's also wearing a necktie, and several pairs of sunglasses, and one of those little in-ear speakerphones. Which is particularly strange, because spiders hear with the hairs on their legs, and don't actually have ears as such. It waves two of its legs at you and the Gourd as it runs forward, chattering and hissing angrily. You don't speak spider, but if you had to guess, you'd say it's ordering you to get out of its way so it can haul the Gourd off for some unspeakable purpose. Or maybe it is speakable; you don't know, because like I said, you don't speak spider.

* Well, apart from any others you might have fought while protecting the Gourd. They all look pretty much the same as each other. They don't look like any other spiders you may have encountered elsewhere, is my point.

Hit Message(s):

It bites your <shoulder>, sucks out the blood, then fills in the empty space with venom. Which is considerate, from a certain point of view. Argh! Oof!

It pulls six pistols out of... somewhere, and fires them all at you. Only one hits, but that's plenty, you know? Argh! Ugh!

It bites your <calf> with its venomous fangs. Venom nom nom. Eek! Ouch!

It fires a glob of webbing at you, then beats the hell out of you while you're tangled up. Argh! Ooh!

Critical Hit Message:

The spider grabs you with two legs and holds you down while simultaneously punching you in the stomach, mouth, nose, and throat. Ow! Ugh!

Miss Message(s):

It tries to bite your <kidney>, but misses and accidentally bites its own tongue. Fortunately for it, it's immune to its own poison. Still must suck, though.

It pulls out six pistols, but doesn't manage to hit you with any of them. Maybe next time it should try shooting them at you instead.

It starts to bite your <neck>, then pauses and asks when you last had a shower. The nerve!

It fires a glob of webbing at you; fortunately it misses, because ew! That stuff comes out of a spider's butt! You don't want that on you!

Fumble Message:

The spider gets an urgent message on its earpiece, and becomes very confused because, like I said, it doesn't have ears. (FUMBLE!)

After Combat

Meat.gifYou gain 12-18 Meat (average: 15, stdev: 1.58)*
Web.gifYou acquire an item: spider web (??% chance)*
Web.gifYou acquire an item: spider web (??% chance)*
Thicksilk.gifYou acquire an item: wad of spider silk (??% chance)*

Occurs at The Gourd.