Spatula of Despair
|Spatula of Despair
|A Kitchen Drawer
Too dull to be a knife, too flat to be a spoon, too solid to be a fork, the spatula is the kitchen implement most likely to fill you with existential ennui.
Unless, of course, you're using it to scrape every last drop of delicious cake batter from a bowl. But let's assume, for now, that you're not.
It scrapes your <ear> like it's trying to scrape cake batter off a bowl. Ow!
It hits you in the fibula. Despite the agreeable sound of "fibula spatula," it hurts. Ow!
It pokes you in the lower back with its handle. The pain is almost too much for you to, uh, handle. Ugh!
It slaps you with its flat part. It leaves a spatula-shaped welt. Ow!
It smacks you with the spatula part, thwaps you with the handle part, then rubs really fast across your arm and gives you a friction burn. Eek!
It tries to scrape your <eye>, but is too soft to really do any damage.
It tries to hit you in the fibula, but you tell the fibula spatula, "boo."
It tries to poke you with its handle, but you're too hard to handle now (gets around).
It tries to slap you with its flat part, but you dodge like a red-headed step child.
It tries to convince itself that it wants to attack you, but sabotages itself because it has a desperate fear of success. (FUMBLE!)
|You acquire an item: Artist's Spatula of Despair (25% chance)*
Occurs at A Kitchen Drawer.