Sloppy Seconds Cocktail

Sloppy Seconds Cocktail
Monster ID	1567
Locations	Sloppy Seconds Diner
Hit Points	75% of Defense
Attack	Player's Moxie+5
Defense	Player's Muscle+5
Initiative	0
Meat	None
Phylum	weird
Elements	sleaze
Resistance	None
Monster Parts	garnish, glass
Drops bottle of rum, bottle of vodka, bottle of tequila
Manuel Entry
refreshedit data

 You're fighting a Blended-Strawberry Ultra-Tequila Sleazy Nipple

You almost trip over a huge booze glass on the ground. The thing is almost the size of an aquarium, and it's filled with gelatinous muck. "Ugh! That looks disgusting!" you say, involuntarily.

"You're no prize yourself," the drink mutters, and launches a drinking straw at your eye.

or

You hear creaking from the ceiling panels overhead, and look up, puzzled. Then a burbling, grotesque voice says, "time to get your drink on!" A big glass bowl full of booze and malice drops through the ceiling, narrowly missing you on the way down. It lands on spiny drinking-straw legs and skitters toward you.

or

You pass a little too close to the counter, and one of the hurricane glasses full of fruit-and-rum-based foulness leaps from behind it, skittering at you on tiny spiny legs as it attempts to drink you through its straw.

or

You sense something go whizzing past your nose and spin around to see a tiny glass cup shatter against the far wall. "What the crap was that?" you say, your heart racing. You turn back to see a huge booze glass full of a burbling, swirling liquid, with two moldy strawberries for eyes.

"That was a warning shot," it says, and tries to slap you with a pseudopod.

Hit Message(s):

It extrudes a pseudopod and slaps you wetly across the butt. Gross, man. Ugh! Oof! Eek! (sleaze damage)

It hurls a shot glass full of unidentifiable gick at you, and some of it gets in your mouth. Oof! Eek! Ugh! Oof! Ow! Ow! (sleaze damage)

It launches a drinking straw at your eye. You dodge, but the straw lands in your mouth instead, filling it with nasty cocktail. Argh! Argh! Ooh! (sleaze damage)

It launches some ancient, rotting maraschino cherries at you. They smack unpleasantly against your cheeks and mouth. And you thought those things were gross when they were fresh... Oof! Ow! Argh! (sleaze damage)

It spits a wad of curdled whipped cream at you. It collides wetly with your <ear>. Sick, dude. Ouch! Oof! Eek! (sleaze damage)

It tips over and spills a little cocktail on the floor. You slip on it, fall, and end up with your face pressed against curdled cream and rotted fruit juice. Eek! Argh! Ooh! Ugh! Ugh! (sleaze damage)

Critical Hit Message:

It leaps into the air, extrudes a pseudopod to swing from the overhead lighting, and drops onto your head with a crash. That hurts plenty, but then it tips over and pours itself into your mouth, filling your throat with gross novelty cocktail.

Miss Message(s):

It spits a wad of curdled whipped cream at you, but your blood is uncurdled enough that you can still dodge.

It hurls a shot glass at you, but you dodge the shots fired.

It launches a straw at you, but you avoid grasping at it.

It tries to slap you with a pseudopod, but you're not a pod person.

It launches some ancient, rotting maraschino cherries at your temple, but you shirley dodge.

It tries to spill a puddle on the floor for you to slip in, but you whack it with a newspaper and tell it to do that outside.

Fumble Message:

It tries to light itself on fire for hot attacks, but doesn't have high enough proof to stay lit. It hops behind the bar to look for some 151-rum or something to stiffen itself with. (FUMBLE!)

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After Combat

• If on the appropriate quest from Taco Dan:

You mop up some of the muck your foe left behind and stick it in your cocktail sauce bottle. It'd be pretty grisly, except your opponent was mostly fruit juice and rum.

or

You mop up some squeezings from your defeated foe and put them in your cocktail sauce bottle.

or

You suck up some of your foe's life-essence with your cocktail sauce bottle.

You acquire an item: bottle of vodka (15% chance)*

You acquire an item: bottle of rum (15% chance)*

You acquire an item: bottle of tequila (15% chance)*

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Occurs at Sloppy Seconds Diner.

Notes

• This monster scales to your stats plus 5 (total minimum 10, maximum 11111?), plus +ML.