|Locations||The Slime Tube|
|Monster Parts||blob, pseudopod|
You search the Slime for stuff to loot. You see a genuine Pork Elf shield, but before you can grab it, a Slime blob hurls it at you like a particularly deadly frisbee.
You slide down the tube and land in a blob of Slime. With a sickening shploort, the Slime pulls you out of itself and prepares to beat the stuffing out of you.
You slide down the tube and trip, falling ass-over-giant-pissed-off-Slime-blob. Wait, what?
You hop down the tube and land in front of a wave of Slime, poised to attack the next sucker who comes down the tube. Oh, snap, that's you.
You slide facefirst down the tube. Fortunately, you land on something soft. Unfortunately, that something soft is a pissed-off blob of Slime.
You hop into the Slime and begin searching for stuff to loot. You spy an antique spear that'd be worth a decent amount of meat, but you don't get time to examine it closely, due to it being hurled at your head by a Slime blob.
The slime extrudes a 300-page notebook, and gives you a nasty cut on the <ear> with each page in turn. It'd be boring, if it didn't hurt so much. Oof! Ugh! Ouch! Argh! Oof! Ugh!
The Slime extrudes a basketball, very quickly, at your head. Ouch! Ouch! Ugh! Ooh! Ouch! Ouch! (slime damage)
The Slime wraps a pseudopod around your neck and squeezes until you see bright sparkly lights. Oof! Ouch! Oof! Eek! Ow! Ow! (slime damage)
The Slime extrudes a bowling ball, and elects to strike you with it rather than sparing you. You should have split before it did that. Oof! Ugh! Ooh! Ouch! Argh! Eek! (slime damage)
The Slime extrudes a particularly offensive framed photograph, and shows it to you. Ooh! Oof! Argh! Oof! Eek! Argh! (sleaze damage)
The Slime extrudes a grinning skull, but you don't worry when the skullhead is in front of you.
The Slime tries to hit you with a discarded golf club, but misses. It should have used the nine-iron.
The Slime tries to punch you, but its pseudopod lacks the surface tension and falls apart when it hits your face.
The slime extends a pseudopod with a massive bastard sword on the end of it. It swings the sword at you, but ends up severing the pseudopod instead. It twitches with an approximation of embarrassment.
The Slime drops the bowling ball it was going to throw at you, and philosophizes about strikes and gutters.
The Slime swings a bowling ball at you, but puts a pseudopod over the line, and declines to enter a world of pain by marking it a strike.
The Slime swings a tennis racket at you, but misses, so its love means nothing.
The Slime swings a baseball bat at you, but misses by a country mile. Steeeerrriiiike!
The Slime fumbles the sword it's carrying and slices its own pseudopod off. It extrudes another, but it's a little embarrassed. (FUMBLE!)
|You acquire an item: medium slimy cyst (2.2% chance)*|
|You acquire an item: slimy fermented bile bladder (5.2% chance)*|
|You acquire an item: slimy sweetbreads (4.6% chance)*|
- Possible avatars for the slime are:
- Names are randomly generated as "<adjective> Slime <noun>".
- The adjective is one of: belligerent, furious, menacing, rampaging
- The noun is one of: blob, construct, glob, mass
- The first miss message is a reference to the They Might Be Giants song, "Where Your Eyes Don't Go".