Shifty, the Thief Chief/Old

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First task

Shifty looks you over as you approach. "So, you want to join the Department, do you? Well, to gain access to the various perks we offer, you'll have to succeed in a series of tasks, each more difficult than the last.
The first one is simple -- we're going to play a straightforward game of 11-Card Monte. If you can find the Queen, you have passed the test."
Play the Game (1)
  • Failing the test:
Shifty quickly moves the cards around on the table, seemingly at random. When they come to rest, you hesitantly point to the fourth card from the left. Shifty turns it over, revealing it to be the Ace of Post-Hole Diggers.
"Come back when you are more Moxious," says Shifty, shaking his head.
  • Completing the test:
Shifty quickly moves the cards around on the table, seemingly at random. When they come to rest, you hesitantly point to the third card from the right. Shifty turns the card over, revealing it to be the Queen of Pointy Things.
"Nicely done, Initiate," says Shifty. "Welcome to the Department of Shadowy Arts and Crafts."
"Here, take these -- you can get more at the Barrel Full of Barrels, in the Big Mountains. I'll mark it on your map.
Disco Bandit Accordion Thief
Heart2.gifYou acquire 2 giant moxie weeds
Heart2.gifYou acquire 2 giant moxie weeds
Barbell.gifYou acquire an item: enchanted barbell
Pill.gifYou acquire an item: concentrated magicalness pill
Martini.gifYou acquire N rockin' wagons
Daquiri.gifYou acquire N perpendicular hulas
N is 3 on one's first ascension run, 2 on the second, 1 on the third, and 0 on all subsequent runs.

Second task

  • The second task is to steal Izzy's wallet. 7 Moxie is the bare minimum to succeed; Failures have been observed as high as 12 Moxie. Higher Moxie is much more likely to pass.
  • Reward: The Bitchin' Meatcar Quest.
  • Before attempting the test:
Shifty nods at you. "Ready for the next task? This one's a little harder: you see that guy over there? That's Izzy the Lizard. I want you to steal his wallet, and bring it back to me. If you can do it without him noticing, I'll let you use the Department's meatcar.
Steal Izzy's Wallet (1)
  • Failing the test:
You approach Izzy the Lizard and attempt to steal his wallet. As you're reaching into his pocket, his arm snaps out and grabs your wrist.
"Nice try, rookie," says Izzy. Shifty shakes his head ruefully.
  • Message when completing it:
You approach Izzy the Lizard silently and stealthily. You deftly hork his wallet and bring it back to Shifty.
"Nice work, Initiate," says Shifty. "Here are the keys to our meatcar. Ask Izzy where he parked it."

Third task

  • The third task is to steal a beer from the bar behind the bar. 12 Moxie is the bare minimum to succeed; Failures have been observed as high as 17 Moxie. Higher Moxie is much more likely to pass.
  • Before attempting the test:
"All right, Initiate, only one task remains to prove yourself as a member of the Department.
In the back room of this building, there is a bar. Behind the bar, there is a bar. You must sneak past the bar, and grab me a beer from the bar."
Get the Beer from the Bar Behind the Bar (1)
  • Failing the test:
You stride past Shifty and go through the door in the back of the room. You only make it about three steps toward the bar before the bar wakes up and beats you soundly about the head and neck.
  • Message when completing it:
You stride past Shifty and go through the door in the back of the room. You deftly maneuver (and muscle for rank) past the bar, and make your way to the bar. You grab a beer, and take it back to Shifty. He cracks it with a smile.
"Congratulations, <name>," he says. "You are now a full member of the Department of Shadowy Arts and Crafts."

Fourth task

  • The fourth task is to steal your own pants. 17 Moxie is the bare minimum to succeed; Failures have been observed as high as 24 Moxie. Higher Moxie is much more likely to pass.
  • Reward: Access to The Shadowy Store.
  • Before attempting the test:
"You have done well so far, my friend. You have almost earned access to the Shadowy Store in our back room. In order to do this, you must complete another challenge:
Steal your own pants, without alerting yourself to your presence..."
Steal Your Pants (1)
  • Failing the test:
You stealthily move your hands towards your pants, but almost immediately become aware of what you are doing. Perhaps you should try again when you're more Moxious.
  • Message when completing it:
You sneak up behind yourself and remove your pants before you realize what's going on.
"Nice work!" says Shifty. "I'll let the guys in the back room know you're cool to shop there now."

On Subsequent Visits

You have already passed all of the challenges of your Guild.

References

  • In the first task, the box says, "Play the Game," which is a famous song by Queen. Conveniently, you must find the queen. Since, you know, that's the objective in 3-Card Monte, which the task parodies.
  • Post-hole diggers is a reference to the spade in a deck of playing cards. Spades are commonly used to dig holes for posts.
  • In the third task, "You deftly maneuver (and muscle for rank)" is a quote from the song The Distance, from the Cake album Fashion Nugget.
  • To clarify, the bar in the 3rd test is behind a bar.
  • The fourth task refers to a scene from the movie The Gamers where Nimble the Thief steals the pants off an unsuspecting bar patron "to see if he can"