Saint Beernard

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Saint Beernard
Saint Beernard

You decide to take a scenic hike through the woods around the eXtreme Slope. As you take in the breathtaking scenery and enjoy the complete isolation, you hear the crunch of footsteps behind you. You spin around and see a large dog with a pony keg of beer around his neck.

"Hey there, boy, what are you doing out here?"

"Well, I'm supposed to find lost frat boys and rescue them. The beer is to keep them drunk until I bring back help. Have you seen any? Will you help me look?"

"Holy dog, a talking cow," you say. "Wait, strike that, reverse it. I'm not sure..."

Help the heroic dog

You climb a tree and look around. You spot a snowboard sticking out of the snow with a red baseball cap beside it. You lead the dog over and find that some frat boy decided to go streaking in the middle of the cold, dark forest. You snag his snowboarder pants and wish the dog luck finding him before frostbite does.

Snowpants.gifYou acquire an item: snowboarder pants

Flee in terror

You turn and run blindly through the forest, scratching your hands and arms on tree branches and slipping through the snow. Your headlong flight stops when you run into a snowman. It's tall -- but really, not so tall when you look at it. You steal the snowman's scarf and wrap it around your neck, then continue running and screaming.

Scarf.gifYou acquire an item: eXtreme scarf

Ask for some beer, first

"Sorry, but I can't," the dog says. "This beer is vital to keeping frat boys intoxicated. Have you ever seen a sober frat boy? Trust me, you don't want to. Tell you what, though -- the first frat boy we find, you can charge a fee for saving him." You agree and levy a finder's fee when you find a frat boy face-down in a snow bank.

Meat.gifYou gain 200 Meat.

Occurs at The eXtreme Slope.


  • The quote "Strike that, reverse it" comes from the movie Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory (although not from the Roald Dahl book Charlie and the Chocolate Factory on which it's based), in which Willy Wonka says "So much time and so little to do. Wait a minute. Strike that. Reverse it."
  • The description of the snowman is a reference to the film Cannibal the Musical, an independent film by Trey Parker and Matt Stone (the creators of South Park). One of the songs in the movie talks about building a snowman either "tall" or "not so tall."
  • The name "Saint Beernard" unsurprisingly refers to the breed of dog, which was named after the Catholic saint Bernard of Menthon. St. Bernard founded several hospices in the Alps, which were run by monks who would use St. Bernards to help them aid travellers.
Slope.gif The eXtreme Slope Choice Adventures
Generic Teen Comedy Snowboarding Adventure   Saint Beernard   Yeti Nother Hippy
Give him a pep-talk eXtreme mittens Help the Heroic dog snowboarder pants Help the Hippy eXtreme mittens
Give him some boarding tips snowboarder pants Flee in terror eXtreme scarf Let irony take its course eXtreme scarf
Offer to help him cheat 200 Meat Ask for some beer, first 200 Meat Negotiate his release 200 Meat