Sabre-toothed ferret

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Sabre-toothed ferret
Monster ID 474
Locations The Hippy Camp (Bombed Back to the Stone Age)
Hit Points 200
Attack 250
Defense 198
No-Hit 260
Initiative 75
Meat 160-240
Phylum beast
Elements stench
Resistance None
Monster Parts arm, head, leg, tail, torso
sabre teeth
Quest Spanish fly
Manuel Entry
refreshedit data
sabre-toothed ferret You're fighting a sabre-toothed ferret

In the days of the caveman (mammoths and glaciers), ferrets weren't cute, little, stinky pets for cute, little, stinky hippies. They were the size of two really fat guys down on all fours, and they had big, sharp teeth the size of your arm, provided your arms are about average size. The fearsome sabre-toothed ferrets would have wiped out the hippy population completely if they weren't so easily distracted by shiny objects. Um, the ferrets, that is. Not the hippies.

Well, not necessarily the hippies.

Hit Message(s):

It hits you with a blast from both of its musk glands. Eurgh. Ow! Eek! Ouch! (stench damage)

It claws you with its primitive claws. They're equally as effective as modern claws. Argh! Ooh! Ooh!

It spears you with one sabre-tooth. You feel the spectre of death pass over you. Ouch! Ugh! Ow!

It lands on your forehead with all four paws. You're lousy at math, but it definitely hurt. Ooh! Argh! Ooh!

Critical Hit Message:

It charges at you, knocks you over, and affectionately (and aggressively) licks your face. It'd be absolutely heartwarming and adorable, except that its fangs keep stabbing into your chest. Argh! Eek! Ow! Ouch!

Miss Message(s):

It sprays musk at you, but you counter with some Hai Karate.

It tries to claw you, but you've got a "no-claws" clause in your adventurer's contract.

It tries to spear you with a sabre-tooth, but you dodge that theatre of pain.

It tries to tackle you, but you do a hail mary.

Fumble Message:

It charges toward you, growling and snorting. You search your pockets for something shiny, find a gum wrapper, and toss it as far away from you as you can. The ferret runs off after it. (FUMBLE!)

After Combat

Meat.gifYou gain 164-233 Meat
Sabreteeth.gifYou acquire an item: sabre teeth (20% chance)*
Spanishfly.gifYou acquire an item: Spanish fly (25% chance)*
You gain 62-63 <substat>.

Occurs at The Hippy Camp (Bombed Back to the Stone Age).


  • The description references the lyrics of "In the Days of a Caveman" by the Crash Test Dummies: "In the days of the caveman and mammoths and glaciers / Bugs and trees were your food then; no pyjamas or doctors"
  • The miss message in which you counter its musk with Hai Karate is a reference to Hai Karate, an aftershave.