Rumpelstiltskin's Home For Children

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Ye Olde Medievale VillageePortal to Terrible ParentsYour WorkshopRumple bg.gif
( kids)

Rumpelstiltskin's Home For Children is an area in the Distant Woods unlocked when you use a grimstone mask and choose to become a gnome.

This area is a mini-game in which you try to save as many children as possible from their horrible parents.

The mini-game lasts 30 turns, during which time your portal will allow you to visit 5 families. You have 6 turns to gather ingredients (clay, leather and straw) in the village while the portal charges up. Once you have acquired ingredients, you can go to your workshop to craft them into various objects.

When the portal is charged, you may look through it to observe the family's behavior, and then walk into it to open negotiations with the parents. You may barter the things you've collected/crafted for children, if you can guess what the parents will accept.

Looking into the Portal

Before entering the charged portal, it is wise to do some surreptitious reconnaissance by peering through it. Doing so will provide you with three clues about the various vices of the horrible parents on the other side. Each clue indicates one or two possible vices. If an individual clue suggests two vices, one — but not necessarily both — of those vices will be true.

Two clues will be about one parent, and one clue will be about the other. Each parent has exactly two vices, and they will always have exactly one vice in common. As such, one of the clues for the parent with two clues will actually apply to both parents, though you can't tell which one until you start bartering.

The following table lists clues and the vices that they potentially indicate:

Gr Gl Va La Lu Vi Clue text
Greed ...counting his/her possessions.
Greed a lily.
Greed ...studying a treasure map.
Greed ...writing a contract to make a high-interest loan.
Gluttony ...chowing down on a fistful of bacon.
Gluttony ...eating a chocolate rabbit.
Gluttony ...putting a fried egg on top of a cheeseburger.
Gluttony ...sprinkling extra cheese on a pizza already dripping with the stuff.
Vanity ...checking his/her reflection in a spoon.
Vanity ...plucking his/her eyebrows.
Vanity ...putting in a teeth-whitening tray.
Vanity ...telling everyone that the song on the radio is his/her.
Laziness ...asking one of the kids to find the remote control.
Laziness ...collapsed deep in an easy chair, stifling a yawn.
Laziness ...lying on the floor
Laziness ...sleeping soundly.
Lust ...eyeing his/her spouse lasciviously.
Lust ...flipping through a lingerie catalog.
Lust ...moaning softly.
Lust ...peeking through the blinds at the attractive neighbors.
Violence ...kicking a dog.
Violence ...punching a hole in the wall of the house.
Violence ...screaming at the television.
Violence ...stubbing his/her toe on an ottoman then kicking it across the room.
Greed Gluttony ...cutting a huge piece of cake to eat alone.
Greed Gluttony ...opening a family-size bag of Cheat-Os, not planning on sharing them.
Greed Vanity ...putting a golden ring on each finger.
Greed Vanity ...shining a golden chalice to a reflective finish.
Greed Laziness ...reclined in a chair, ordering stuff from the Home Shopping Network.
Greed Laziness ...trying to shortchange the maid who is washing the dishes.
Greed Lust ...admiring a solid marble nude statue.
Greed Lust ...admiring a valuable collection of artistic nudes.
Greed Violence ...polishing a collection of solid silver daggers.
Greed Violence ...loading a jewel-encrusted pistol with golden bullets.
Gluttony Vanity ...checking for stretch marks while downing a huge chocolate shake.
Gluttony Vanity ...trying to squeeze into a girdle.
Gluttony Laziness ...calling the dog over to lick french-fry grease off of his/her shirt.
Gluttony Laziness ...reclined in an overstuffed chair eating a bag of bacon-flavored onion rings.
Gluttony Lust ...licking an all-day sucker.
Gluttony Lust ...licking his/her lips sensually over a rack of ribs.
Gluttony Violence ...tearing apart an entire roasted chicken so hard the bones snap.
Gluttony Violence ...throwing a bag of chips on the ground and stomping on it to open it.
Vanity Laziness ...collapsed in an overstuffed chair, curling his/her eyelashes.
Vanity Laziness ...using the remote control to turn the TV to the Beauty Channel.
Vanity Lust ...checking out own his/her body and licking her lips seductively.
Vanity Lust ...practicing pick-up lines on his/her own reflection in a window.
Vanity Violence ...angrily plucking stray eyebrow hairs.
Vanity Violence ...kicking the dog, then making sure the kick didn't scuff her shoes.
Laziness Lust ...lying on the floor, calling his/her spouse to come give a kiss.
Laziness Lust ...reclined on the bed, idly peeping through the window to the neighbor's house.
Laziness Violence ...half-heartedly kicking at the cat when it comes too close.
Laziness Violence ...sleepily swiping at a whining kid.
Lust Violence ...aggressively kissing his/her spouse.
Lust Violence ...tearing down the blinds to peep out of the window.


Tinkering in Rumpelstiltskin's Workshop lets you make things that help with general adventuring (potions, consumables, etc.), but these items do not help with the portal mini-game. You can also make advanced materials (glass, filling and parchment) which can greatly increase your mini-game score -- however, you must practice creating these items first.

Each of the three advanced materials requires a number of practice trials (each of which consumes three raw materials) before you get any. Your progress toward these "skills" is saved through ascension.

Raw crafting materials (straw, leather, clay) and advanced materials (filling, parchment, glass) are quest items. In addition, they disappear when you open a new instance of Rumpelstiltskin's Home For Children, so you cannot save materials from one instance to use in another.


You may use the materials you have collected and crafted to convince those horrible parents to release their children from their irresponsible clutches into your loving care. You use your magic on the spot to craft enchanted items for trade.

You must appeal to the parents' vices to liberate their children. You will use your basic and advanced materials to magically craft enchanted objects that are dearer to them than their own flesh and blood. If you can tempt both parents simultaneously, you will receive a bonus of two children. If you try the parents' endurance by bartering more than six times, you will be penalized by two children per trade for the next six attempts. Materials required to appeal to the six vices are shown here:

Magical Temptation Vice Straw Leather Clay Filling Parchment Glass Children
Gold of Inherent Valuableness Greed straw 1
Spaghetti of Al-Dente Deliciousness Gluttony straw 1
Mirror of Airbrushing Vanity leather 1
Full Throttle Wall-to-Wall Laziness leather 1
Un-uncanny Valley Girl Lust clay 1
Multifinger Ring of Knuckledusting Violence clay 1
Creel of Constant Cashfulness Greed straw parchment 5
Dice of Unbelievable Ultrafairness Greed clay filling 5
The Gourmand's Glory: A Cookbook Gluttony leather parchment 5
Oven of Bodacious Brickliness Gluttony clay filling 5
Circassian Coiffure Controller Vanity straw glass 5
Portrait of Flattering Likeness Vanity clay parchment 5
Lid of Leisurely Libation Laziness straw glass 5
Chesterfield of Comfortableness Laziness leather filling 5
Field Glasses of Furtivity Lust leather glass 5
Well-Written Articles of the Unrelated Photo Lust straw parchment 5
Porcelain Throwing Discs of Frangibility Violence clay glass 5
The Batterer's Brutality Battery Violence leather filling 5


  • At the end of the mini-game, your score (the number of children saved) earns you rewards:

After a hard day's work you can finally relax, so you conjure up a little muscle relaxant for yourself.

Tankard.gifYou acquire an item: mid-level medieval mead
  • With a score in the (all-time) top 80% of runs:

Wow. X kids! That's really good! You decide to reward yourself with something extra nice.

Potion5.gifYou acquire an item: Rümpelstiltz
or, with a score in the (all-time) top 90% of runs:

Wow. X kids! That's amazing! You decide to reward yourself with something extra nice.

Potion5.gifYou acquire 2 bottles of Rümpelstiltz
  • Being in First Place on the Rumpelstiltskings (Largest New Gnome Families) leaderboard at rollover rewards you with a spinning wheel, if you have not received one in the past.
    • If First Place has already received a spinning wheel, Second Place will receive it, and so on.
    • The spinning wheel is delivered in a kmail from Mother Goose, which states:

      Well done, dearie! Your performance was top notch! Please accept this gift -- a small token of a mother's pride.

      Mother Goose
      Spinningwheel thumb.gifYou acquire an item: spinning wheel


  • This is the antagonist point of view of the fairy tale of Rumpelstiltskin.