Rubbed it the Right Way
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On the first use within an ascension, the following introduction text appears:
Alakazeed, alakazizzon, you have freed me from my prison!
As recognition of your deed, I offer to you wishes... uh, threed!
Okay, look, I'm a little rusty on the rhyming jazz, but the wishes are totally legit. I won't even monkey's paw you, promise.
Wishing for Combat
- "to fight <monster>"
- "I was fighting a <monster>"
- You announce, "I wish to fight a <monster>"
The Genie can summon a monster up to three times a day. It can summon most copyable monsters, although a few monsters with quest-related appearance conditions are prohibited, including swarms of ghuol whelps from The Defiled Cranny, dirty old lihc, modern zmobie and ninja snowman assassin.
Examples of summonable monsters include semi-rare encounters (such as Bram the Stoker and Knob Goblin Elite Guard Captain), some enemies from retired content (ghost), enemies who no longer spawn due to completed quests, and content unlocked through an IotM (Witchess monsters). Interestingly, it's possible to wish for the old Sorceress' Tower monsters, which are uncopyable but were intentionally included, according to CDMoyer.
Wishing for Effects
- "to be <phrase>"
- "I was <phrase>" (where <phrase> does not map to a genie-specific outcome):
|You acquire an effect: ... something|
(duration: 20 Adventures)
Grants 20 Adventures of an existing beneficial effect with the word or phrase in its name or description. If more than one effect matches the word(s), you get one of them at random. For example, "healthy" can give Preemptive Medicine or Healthy Blue Glow. To avoid ambiguity, you can input a longer, unique phrase from the desired effect's description.
Some powerful effects are disallowed. This includes effects from rare items and effects that were not intended to be available in long duration. Examples include Steely-Eyed Squint, Video... Games?, and Eldritch Attunement.
Wishing for More Wishes
- "for more wishes":
|You acquire an item: pocket wish|
Wishing for More Wishes will grant you a coupon good for one free wish, at the bargain price of one wish. These items can be traded.
Wishing for Money
- "I was rich":
|You gain (Level*500) Meat.|
The Genie is happy to deliver big piles of Meat beyond your wildest dreams. Of course, smaller people have smaller dreams, so the amount of Meat is scaled to your level. Once you're above level 100, the Genie isn't going to try any harder to impress you - the most you can get for one wish is 50,000 Meat. (In Way of the Surprising Fist, "your vows preventing you from uttering that wish.")
Wishing for Stat Gains
- "I was a little bit taller":
|You some* Fortitude.|
- "I was a baller":
|You some* Roguishness.|
- "I had a rabbit in a hat with a bat":
|You some* Mysteriousness.|
- "I was big":
|You some* Muscleboundness.|
|You some* Wizardliness.|
|You some* Smarm.|
The total amount of stats gained per wish increases noticeably with character level. Wishes that raise multiple stats split the total evenly between them.
Wishing for Items
- "for a blessed rustproof +2 gray dragon scale mail":
|You acquire an item: blessed rustproof +2 gray dragon scale mail|
- "for a pony":
|You acquire an item: magical pony: Dusk Shiny|
|You acquire an item: magical pony: Pearjack|
|You acquire an item: magical pony: Rosey Cake|
|You acquire an item: magical pony: Shutterfly|
|You acquire an item: magical pony: Spectrum Dash|
|You acquire an item: magical pony: Uniquity|
Gives you a random magical pony doll.
Wishing the Genie was Free
- "you were free:"
- "Abracadou, Now that I am free, I must destroy you!"
Bad news, porkchop - Turns out that Genies are super-evil, barely contained by the magic bottle, and you've just unleashed this primordial horror on the world. Good luck getting him back in there.
Wishing for a Trophy
- "for trophy <Xxxxx>" (where <Xxxxx> is the word the genie puzzle gives you, title cased):
- "Mecca lecca hi, mecca hiney hophy, you have bested me, go get your trophy!"
Unlocks Ultimate Cosmic Power
Wishing for Stuff the Genie Won't Do
If the Genie can't (or won't) grant your wish, you will get one of these responses at random:
- "Mmmmaybe you should consider wishing for something I can understand."
- "Okay, sure, but first you'll have to rephrase that so I can understand it."
- "Ooh, nope, sorry. That specific wish is against the rules. I'm not sure why, but the bylaws are very firm on that point."
- "Sorry bud, I've been in a lamp for thousands of years and I don't really understand your modern lingo yet."
- "Nice try, but no. Try again."
- "Nnnnope, I don't know what that means."
- "Are you sure you wouldn't rather wish for something else? I mean, just saying..."
When out of wishes, the text is limited to:
Attempting to do more than 3 fights in a day (using pocket wishes):
Attempting to fight with no adventures left.
- Using the /wish command allows you to wish from chat.
- Ezandora has written a Mafia script to make wishing more convenient. It includes quick links to common wishes and the best available effects of each type.
- The name of this adventure is a reference to the lyrics from the Christina Aguilera song "Genie in a Bottle"
- The stat-gaining wishes are pop-culture references:
- Blessed rustproof +2 gray dragon scale mail is from NetHack.
- The magical pony dolls are My Little Pony, naturally. The item descriptions make it clear that they're from the most recent series.
- "I won't even monkey paw you" refers to the story "The Monkey's Paw" by W.W. Jacobs, where a cursed monkey's paw grants three wishes, but always perverts the wishers intentions. In a bad way.