Rubbed it the Right Way

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Rubbed it the Right Way

On the first use within an ascension, the following introduction text appears:

Alakazeed, alakazizzon, you have freed me from my prison!

As recognition of your deed, I offer to you wishes... uh, threed!

Okay, look, I'm a little rusty on the rhyming jazz, but the wishes are totally legit. I won't even monkey's paw you, promise.

Genie happy.gif
You have X wishes left today.
I wish...
Make Wish

Occurs when using a corked genie bottle, genie bottle, or pocket wish.


Wishing for Combat

  • "to fight a <monster>"
  • "I was fighting a <monster>"
You announce, "I wish to fight a <monster>"

The Genie can summon a monster up to three times a day. It can summon most copyable monsters, although some quest-related monsters are prohibited (possibly due to the presence of an executeonwin flag), including all* Cyrpt monsters, ninja snowman assassin, and fantasy bandit.

Examples of summonable monsters include Lucky Adventure encounters (such as Bram the Stoker and Knob Goblin Elite Guard Captain), some enemies from retired content (Gnollish Sorceress), enemies who no longer spawn due to completed quests, and content unlocked through an IotM (Witchess monsters). Interestingly, it's possible to wish for the old Sorceress' Tower monsters, which are uncopyable but were intentionally included, according to CDMoyer.

Monsters with "the" starting the name still require the "a"; for example: "to fight a the most embarrassing moment in your entire life".

Wishing for Effects

  • "to be <phrase>"
  • "I was <phrase>" (where <phrase> does not map to a genie-specific outcome):
SomethingYou acquire an effect: ... something
(duration: 20 Adventures)[[Data:{{{effect}}}]]

Grants 20 Adventures of an existing beneficial effect with the word or phrase in its name or description. If more than one effect matches the word(s), you get one of them at random. For example, "healthy" can give Preemptive Medicine or Healthy Blue Glow. To avoid ambiguity, you can input a longer, unique phrase from the desired effect's description.

Some powerful effects are disallowed. This includes effects from rare items and effects that were not intended to be available in long duration. Examples include Steely-Eyed Squint, Video... Games?, and Eldritch Attunement. Also disallowed is Brined Liver, as # of turns acquired is a PVP mini in Seasoning Seasons.

Wishing for More Wishes

  • "for more wishes":
Whitecard.gifYou acquire an item: pocket wish

Wishing for More Wishes will grant you a coupon good for one free wish, at the bargain price of one wish. These items can be traded.

Wishing for Money

  • "I was rich":
Meat.gifYou gain (Level*500) Meat.

The Genie is happy to deliver big piles of Meat beyond your wildest dreams. Of course, smaller people have smaller dreams, so the amount of Meat is scaled to your level. Once you're above level 100, the Genie isn't going to try any harder to impress you - the most you can get for one wish is 50,000 Meat. (In Way of the Surprising Fist, "your vows preventing you from uttering that wish.")

Wishing for Stat Gains

  • "I was a little bit taller":
You some* Muscleboundness.
  • "I was a baller":
You some* Cheek.
  • "I had a rabbit in a hat with a bat":
You some* Wizardliness.
  • "I was big":
You some* Beefiness.
You some* Mysteriousness.
You some* Sarcasm.

The total amount of stats gained per wish increases noticeably with character level. Wishes that raise multiple stats split the total evenly between them.

Wishing for Items

  • "for a blessed rustproof +2 gray dragon scale mail":
Scalemail.gifYou acquire an item: blessed rustproof +2 gray dragon scale mail
  • "for a pony":
Pony6.gifYou acquire an item: magical pony: Dusk Shiny
Pony4.gifYou acquire an item: magical pony: Pearjack
Pony2.gifYou acquire an item: magical pony: Rosey Cake
Pony5.gifYou acquire an item: magical pony: Shutterfly
Pony1.gifYou acquire an item: magical pony: Spectrum Dash
Pony3.gifYou acquire an item: magical pony: Uniquity

Gives you a random magical pony doll. Putting it in your Display Case will display a (cosmetical) magical pony power on your profile, consisting of an adjective and a modifier. The adjective depends on which pony you have the most of in your DC (see the articles on the ponies to see the adjectives), and the modifier depends on how many you have of it in your DC.

Pony quantity Modifier
5 Quite
10 Very
20 Super
50 Stupendously
100 Incredibly
250 Unbelievably
500 Amazingly
1000 Overwhelmingly
2500 Overwhelmingly, Amazingly
5000 Overwhelmingly, Amazingly, Unbelievably
10000 Overwhelmingly, Amazingly, Unbelievably, Incredibly

Wishing the Genie was Free

  • "you were free:"
"Abracadou, Now that I am free, I must destroy you!"

Bad news, porkchop - Turns out that Genies are super-evil, barely contained by the magic bottle, and you've just unleashed this primordial horror on the world. Good luck getting him back in there.

Wishing for a Trophy

  • "for trophy <Xxxxx>" (where <Xxxxx> is the word the genie puzzle gives you, title cased):
"Mecca lecca hi, mecca hiney hophy, you have bested me, go get your trophy!"

Unlocks Ultimate Cosmic Power

Wishing for Stuff the Genie Won't Do

If the Genie can't (or won't) grant your wish, you will get one of these responses at random:

  • "Mmmmaybe you should consider wishing for something I can understand."
  • "Okay, sure, but first you'll have to rephrase that so I can understand it."
  • "Ooh, nope, sorry. That specific wish is against the rules. I'm not sure why, but the bylaws are very firm on that point."
  • "Sorry bud, I've been in a lamp for thousands of years and I don't really understand your modern lingo yet."
  • "Nice try, but no. Try again."
  • "Nnnnope, I don't know what that means."
  • "Are you sure you wouldn't rather wish for something else? I mean, just saying..."

When out of wishes, the text is limited to:

"You have 0 wishes left today."

Attempting to do more than 3 fights in a day (using pocket wishes):

"Sorry bud, that's enough fighting for today!"

Attempting to fight with no adventures left.

"Hocus pocus, ala magurns, you don't have enough turns!"


  • Using the /wish <your wish> command allows you to use a genie summon to wish directly from chat; you can also type /use genie bottle and /use pocket wish to open this.
  • If there is a limit to wishing for things other than fights, it is more than 11.
  • Ezandora has written a Mafia script to make wishing more convenient. It includes quick links to common wishes and the best available effects of each type.


  • The name of this adventure is a reference to the lyrics from the Christina Aguilera song "Genie in a Bottle"
  • The stat-gaining wishes are pop-culture references:
    • "I wish I was big" is from the film Big (1988).
    • The other stat-granting options are selected lyrics from "I Wish", by Skee-Lo. Although the Genie clearly enjoys Skee-Lo, he will not provide girls, cars, authority or height. Look forward to not having your way at the bus stop, shorty.
  • Blessed rustproof +2 gray dragon scale mail is from NetHack.
  • The magical pony dolls are My Little Pony, naturally. The item descriptions make it clear that they're from the then-most recent series.
  • "I won't even monkey paw you" refers to the story "The Monkey's Paw" by W.W. Jacobs, where a cursed monkey's paw grants three wishes, but always perverts the wishers intentions. In a bad way.