Ringogeorge, the Bladeswitcher
|Ringogeorge, the Bladeswitcher|
|Monster Parts||arm, fin, head, torso|
Either the crowd has gone silent, or you can no longer hear them over the sound of your own heartbeat. The announcer's voice, strangely muffled, enters your awareness.
"The final battle is upon us! Round 15! Can Ringogeorge, our most accomplished bladeswitcher, put an end to this upstart?"
You level your gaze at your opponent. This Mer-kin gladiator has spent hours learning the ways of the switchblade. He started with simple bladeswitching technique, and practiced until he could even switch the blade on a guy in shades. He believes that what we do in life echoes through eternity, and he wants to spend all of eternity carving you like a turkey.
Are you sure you want to go through with this?
He slashes your tires, and by 'tires,' I mean, '<giblets>.'
He stabs you in the <throat>. Not a funny attack, per se, but an effective one.
He switches the blade from his hand to your <thigh>.
He switches the blade rapidly from hand to hand, carving an arc across your <calf> each time.
He slashes prices! By the way, your new name is "Prices."
He whirls the switchblade around his head, faster and faster until it's almost a blur. Then he almost severs your head with it. Let's just say he turns you into a Pez dispenser.
He tries to stab you in the groin, but you remain unstabbed.
He tries to slash you like some tires, but you tell him you're tired of attacks like that.
He tries to slash you like some prices, but you point out your prices are already crazy low!
He flings the switchblade at you, but a wild current picks it up and he ends up impaling a Mer-kin in the crowd. Don't feel bad, though. That Mer-kin was a total jerk. (FUMBLE!)
Upon being defeated:
Amidst the howls of either rage or joy from the crowd, you swim up to the announcer's stand. "Congratulations, Champion!" he gurgles. "You have defeated our finest gladiators, and their honor is now yours, as is your rightful prize. You may take it, or you may choose what's inside the mystery box."
"I'll take the prize," you say. "The last time I picked the mystery box, I pushed a button and got a million Meat, but then someone I didn't know died. It was a total bummer."
"Very well," the announcer says, "kneel!"
"Um, I have a tail, like all Mer-kin," you say.
"Oh, right. Well, fine. Just take this, and may your name be celebrated in story, song, and story songs! You know, the kind of song that has a complete narrative? Like "The Gambler?"
"Yeah, I get it," you say.
"Prepare yourself," he says, as he pulls an ornate medallion of some dark metal from a velvet-lined ebony box and moves to place it on the forehead part of your gladiator mask.
"Prepare myself for whaaaaaaauuugghhhhhh!" you scream, as the medallion becomes a sigil of liquid fire, branding its pattern into both your mask and your forehead as its physical form dissolves into the water.
"Arise, Champion. They are waiting for you in the Temple."
|You gain 80-120 Meat (average: 100, stdev: 8.56)*|
Occurs at the Mer-kin Colosseum.
- Pressing the mystery box's button to cause the death of someone you don't know is a reference to the short story, Button, Button, by Richard Matheson, where pushing the button on a mysterious box would grant the presser a large sum of money and cause the death of "someone you don't know". The story was later turned into an episode of the 1985 version of The Twilight Zone, and even later, was made into the film, The Box.