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Riff (#27048)
Dwarven Baby is too insane to Clean Self

Riff is a well-known player in the kingdom and a member of the dev team. He's also an employee of Asymmetric Publications, and responsible for writing content, including some of the most annoying challenging puzzles in the Kingdom.

About Riff

Among Riff's many contributions to the game are fear, surprise, ruthless efficiency and the following:

Before he wrote content, he won the Yeti naming contest.

Riff is also well-known on the forums, for his posts that disclose little game mechanic information and leave plenty room for speculation, as well as for his former approximately-yearly puzzle contest in the times of yore.

One-thousand blank white cards were given to Riff, for his contributions to the game 1000 Blank White Cards.

On April Fool's Day 2011, his butt was one that appeared all over the place, dropping an item that's still annoying people to this day.

Contrary to popular belief, Riff does not have item-creation powers.

All of his familiars are named Spartacus, with a few exceptions. His Ghost Pickle on a Stick is called Brian, his Cocoabo is called Horsebird, his Squamous Gibberer is called Cthartacus, his Reagnimated Gnome is called Spartacustein, and his Baby Bugged Bugbear keeps its default name of snɔɐʇɹɐdS.


Unlike many Asymmetric staff, Riff is perfectly capable of being buffed and/or cursed. So feel free to hit him with a brick, and then declare him Employee of the Month!

Personal Life

Riff can typically be found in Asymmetric's office, doing cool Riff things and eating canned chilli.

He is available online at minimumsafedistance.org.

Known Titles

<3 <3 <3
<level>-Point Palm Exploding Heart Technician
<level>-Point Palm Exploding Salad Technician
Dwarven Baby is too insane to Clean Self
the Level <level> SHAMAN, baby.
Mr. S. Driftwood, Esq.
Uncle Tom Thumb