Remains of a jilted mistress

Remains of a jilted mistress
Monster ID	396
Locations	The Haunted Bedroom: One Rustic Nightstand
Hit Points	65
Attack	65
Defense	60
No-Hit	174
Initiative	50
Meat	None
Phylum	undead
Elements	spooky
Resistance	None
Monster Parts	arm, head, leg, torso
Drops chintzy seal pendant (Seal Clubber), chintzy turtle brooch (Turtle Tamer), chintzy noodle ring (Pastamancer), chintzy saucepan earring (Sauceror), chintzy disco ball pendant (Disco Bandit), chintzy accordion pin (Accordion Thief), antique hand mirror (all classes)
Manuel	gilt perfume bottle
Manuel Entry
refreshedit data

 You're fighting the remains of a jilted mistress

As you begin to examine the jewelry on top of the nightstand, you hear a low "Miiiiiiine" and a clattering of bones behind you. You turn around to see the skeletal remains of one of Lord Spookyraven's hundreds of mistresses.

He must not have treated his mistresses very well, because man, is she pissed. And you know what they say about a woman scorned.

Hit Message(s):

She grabs a handful of fake jewels from the nightstand and throws them at your head. Ow! Eek! Ouch! Eek! Ooh! Oof! Argh!

She grabs a locket from the nightstand and garottes you with it. Oof! Ouch! Eek! Ouch! Ouch! Oof!

She unclasps a brooch and pokes you with the pin. Eek! Ouch! Ouch! Argh! Argh!

Critical Hit Message:

She grabs you by the shoulders and screams at you. The scream contains the fury of a thousand unreturned letters, and carries with it the aroma you'd expect from something buried under the floorboards for 30 years. Ooh! Ow! Ouch! Ow! Ow!

Miss Message(s):

She grabs a handful of fake jewels from the nightstand and throws them at you, but you catch them all and put them neatly back down where they came from.

She tries to hit you with a locket, but you blocket. Er, block it.

She tries to claw your eyes out with her skeletal fingers, but you break a couple of them off and she gives up.

Fumble Message:

The lumbers toward you, arms outstretched, but then one of her knees gives out and she falls into a heap of bones on the floor. (FUMBLE!)

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After Combat

• As a Seal Clubber:

You acquire an item: chintzy seal pendant (19.2% chance)*

• As a Turtle Tamer:

You acquire an item: chintzy turtle brooch (19.2% chance)*

• As a Pastamancer:

You acquire an item: chintzy noodle ring (19.2% chance)*

• As a Sauceror:

You acquire an item: chintzy saucepan earring (19.2% chance)*

• As a Disco Bandit:

You acquire an item: chintzy disco ball pendant (19.2% chance)*

• As an Accordion Thief:

You acquire an item: chintzy accordion pin (19.2% chance)*

• For all classes:

You acquire an item: antique hand mirror (40.2% chance)*

You gain 41 <substat>.

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Occurs in The Haunted Bedroom when choosing "Investigate the Jewelry" from One Rustic Nightstand.

History

• Before a trivial update on December 09, 2014, only one jilted mistress per day could be encountered via the Rustic Nightstand.

References

• The last sentence in the description is a reference to a line from The Mourning Bride by William Congreve. The actual line is, "Heaven has no rage like love to hatred turned / Nor hell a fury like a woman scorned."
• The hole in the mistress' dress may be a reference to Goldie Hawn's character in Death Becomes Her -- she at one point became the male lead's mistress, and after gaining immortality got shot in the abdomen, leaving a large hole there.