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While wandering through Whitey's Grove, you find yourself inexplicably thrown into a raging torrent of whitewater rapids. Now you understand why they don't call them calmwater slows.

Looking down the river, you see it split into three paths -- one leads into a cave, one into a dense copse of trees, and one towards what looks like a burned down laundromat.

Steer for the cave

The rapids deposit you into a dark cave. You wander through it for a while before discovering a ghostly face hovering in the darkness. You inspect it more closely, and find it to be a slightly-too-dark shade of pale. You feel more in tune with the cosmos for having tripped that particular light fandango.

You gain 21-30 Wizardliness.

Steer for the trees

The rapids deposit you into a grove of trees. You wander around it for a bit, and come across a bizarre contraption half-concealed under a pile of leaves.

Closer examination reveals it to be a still. You wait for a few seconds to see if it turns into something else, but it's still a still. You look around to make sure nobody's watching, and hork some of the moonshine.

Moonshine.gifYou acquire 3 jars of white lightning

Steer for the laundromat

The rapids deposit you into the ruins of a burned-down laundromat. You pick through the charred rubble until you find something (surprise!) white.

Wcollar.gifYou acquire an item: white collar

Occurs at Whitey's Grove.


  • The "Steer for the cave" section refers to the Procol Harum song "A Whiter Shade of Pale", which opens with the line "We tripped the light fandango" (which is itself a mixing of the old phrase 'trip the light fantastic', which means to dance, with 'fandango', a Spanish dance).
  • The title of this adventure is likely a reference to Dora the Explorer, whose Rapido Rapids (Fast Rapids) game was frequently advertised on many television stations in the US over the summer of 2005.
  • The text refers to an episode of The Simpsons in which Ned Flanders quips "Now I know why they call them 'rapids' and not 'slowpids'".
Grove.gif Whitey's Grove Choice Adventures
Don't Fence Me In   The Only Thing About Him is the Way That He Walks   Rapido!
Whitewash the fence Gain 20-30 Strongness Show him some moves Gain 20-30 Roguishness Steer for the cave Gain 21-30 Magicalness
Steal the fence white picket fence Show him a good time 3 boxes of wine Steer for the trees 3 jars of white lightning
Jump the fence piece of wedding cake and white rice (sometimes) Show him how easy it is to steal all his stuff mullet wig Steer for the laundromat white collar