Rack of free weights

Rack of free weights
Monster ID	1486
Locations	The Inner Wolf Gym
Hit Points	75% of Monster Defense
Attack	Player's Moxie +3 (min 50, max 1000)
Defense	Player's Muscle +3 (min 50, max 1000)
Initiative	0
Meat	None
Phylum	construct
Elements	None
Resistance	None
Monster Parts	bar, dumbbell, weight
Drops sweatband, gym shorts, ankleweights, sweat socks, pint of sweat, Jerks' Health™ Magazine, Five Second Energy™
Manuel Entry
refreshedit data

 You're fighting a rack of free weights

This is a rack of free weights. I mean, they're free once you've paid your gym membership, your personal training fee, your parking fee, and your locker rental.

There are dozens of exercises you can do with a set of weights, but without some neckless, bulging giant looming over you teaching you the proper technique, you're probably doing them all wrong, bro.

Hit Message(s):

You drop a five-pound weight on your toe. Hey, at least it wasn't a ten-pound weight. Ooh! Oof!

You drop a ten-pound weight on your toe. Hey, at least it wasn't a twenty-pound weight. Eek! Ow!

You drop a twenty-pound weight on your toe. Hey, at least it wasn't a fifty-pound weight. Ouch! Ouch!

You try to do a few bench presses, but you don't have a spotter, and you nearly break your own sternum. Oof! Ouch!

You start to work on your lats and your delts, but drop the weight and hit yourself in the toes. Ouch! Ow!

You do a few lunges, feeling pretty good about your form until your left kneecap pops right off. Eek! Eek!

Critical Hit Message:

You drop a five-pound weight on your toe, hop around in pain until you knock a ten-pound weight on your toe, lose your balance and fall on the rack, knocking a twenty-pound weight on your toe, looking up just in time for the fifty-pound weight to fall Oof! Argh!

Miss Message(s):

You do a few preacher curls, then say "amen" and put the dumbbell away.

You do a successful curl, feeling the burn in your left bicep and tricep.

You do a few triceps extensions, then ponder getting some hair extensions.

You do a few bench presses, setting a new bench mark for yourself.

You work on your lats and your delts. It's totes adorbs.

You do a few lunges, so you'll be ready for the next time it's someone's birthday.

Fumble Message:

You stop to let your muscles breathe, because that's probably a thing that muscles need to do. (FUMBLE!)

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After Combat

Your inner wolf howls aggresively!^[sic]
+3 Wolf Offense

You acquire an item: sweatband (1% chance)*

You acquire an item: gym shorts (1% chance)*

You acquire an item: ankleweights (1% chance)*

You acquire an item: sweat socks (1% chance)*

You acquire an item: pint of sweat (10% chance)*

You acquire an item: Jerks' Health™ Magazine (5% chance)*

You acquire an item: Five Second Energy™ (2% chance)*

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Occurs at The Inner Wolf Gym.

Notes

• This monster cannot be copied.