Pygmy witch lawyer
|Pygmy witch lawyer|
|Locations||The Hidden Apartment Building, The Hidden Office Building, The Hidden Park|
|Monster Parts||arm, head, leg, torso|
This pygmy's spiked hair, professional blue warpaint, and wicker briefcase mark him as one of the tribe's witch lawyers, who are frequently called on to handle cases involving goat theft, breach of pictograph-covered leaf, or murder. In fact, it's a murder case that he's working on right now -- yours. And he's working pro-bono.
"OBJECTION!" he shouts, while violently jabbing his finger into your eye. Argh! Ouch!
He acts in loco parentis and gives you a spanking. Ow! Ugh!
He beats the crap out of you de jure and de facto. Ugh! Ugh!
He bonks you with his briefcase. Man, that thing must be full of gold, or someone's soul or something--it's heavy! Ugh! Ouch!
He pummels you in accordance of the guidelines set down by D'kn!x v. Stevens. Eek! Argh!
He slices you with a writ of habeus corpus, even though he hardly knows us. Argh! Ooh!
He delivers a heartfelt closing argument for the fight, mixing homespun wisdom, biting accusation, and vicious headbutts to your shins. Argh! Eek!
He starts to attack you, but you shout "OBJECTION!" and he is momentarily taken aback.
He tries to act in loco parentis, but lacks a loco motive.
He tries to beat the crap out of you, but lacks legal standing to act as your pummeler in this case.
He tries to bonk you with his briefcase, but you debrief him.
He tries to pummel you, but you point out he's in violation of precedent set by Z'k'!nnbe v. Johnson.
He tries to slice you with a writ of habeus corpus, but you point out he hardly knows us.
He pulls out a gavel, but you grab it, bang it, and declare the fight's adjourned. It takes a minute for him to realize he's been duped. (FUMBLE!)
|You gain 140-210 Meat (average: 175, stdev: 14.69)*|
|You acquire an item: attorney's badge (?% chance)*|
|You acquire an item: pygmy briefs (?% chance)*|
|You acquire an item: short writ of habeas corpus (?% chance)*|
|You gain ? <substat>.|
- Pygmy witch lawyers may be banished from their native zones (Office and Apartment buildings) to The Hidden Park, by selecting Go down to the parking garage in Action Elevator.