Pygmy bowler

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Pygmy bowler
Monster ID 1432
Locations The Hidden Bowling Alley
Hit Points 155
Attack 154
Defense 135
Initiative 30
Meat 100-150
Phylum dude
Elements None
Resistance  ?
Monster Parts arm, head, leg, torso
bowling ball, tiny bowler, imitation White Russian
Manuel Entry
refreshedit data
pygmy bowler You're fighting a pygmy bowler

Similarly to how golf was invented by a Scotsman who knocked an enemy's head off with a club (wherepon it fell into a gopher hole), bowling was invented by a pygmy who threw an enemy's head at ten more enemies who were standing in a perfectly triangle-shaped formation. To this day, they take the sport very seriously, and rabid xenophobia is not considered to be against the rules.

Hit Message(s):

He picks up a pin and bashes you in the kneecaps with it. Ugh! Ooh!

He picks up the can of whatever that stuff is they spray in rental bowling shoes and spritzes you in the face. Whatever it is, it burns. Ugh! Eek!

He splits your <shins> open with his bowling ball. Ow! Argh!

He strikes you with his bowling ball. Ooh! Eek!

He throws his ball at you, leaving a triangle of circular bumps on your head. Oof! Argh!

He wipes lane oil off of his ball onto you. Man, you'll never get that smell out of your clothes. Argh! Ooh! (sleaze damage)

Critical Hit Message:

He whacks you in the shins with a pin. You double over, and he grabs you and flings you down a lane, knocking your head into the head pin and scoring a strike. You regret all those times you went dwarf bowling, if this is what it's like. Ugh! Oof! Oof! Oof! Argh!

Miss Message(s):

He tries to hit you with a bowling pin, but you won't let yourself get pinned down.

He tries to spritz you with whatever that stuff is they spray in rental bowling shoes, but you stay well away from it.

He tries to split your <neck> open with his bowling ball, but you're better at dodging than a bowling pin is.

He contemplates striking you with his bowling ball, but decides to spare you.

He throws his ball at you, but it misses you and lands in the gutter.

He tries to wipe lane oil on you, but decides you're oily enough.

Fumble Message:

He starts to attack, then stops and polishes his bowling ball. Then he starts to attack, but stops and dries his hand and applies powder. Then he starts to attack, but stops and straps on a wrist brace. Then... man, this is tedious. (FUMBLE!)

After Combat

Meat.gifYou gain 100-150 Meat (average: 125, stdev: 10.61)*
Bball.gifYou acquire an item: bowling ball (40% chance)*
Tinybowler.gifYou acquire an item: tiny bowler (5% chance)*
Whiterussian.gifYou acquire an item: imitation White Russian (25% chance)*

Occurs in The Hidden Bowling Alley.