Protagonist

Protagonist
Monster ID	160
Locations	The Penultimate Fantasy Airship
Hit Points	80
Attack	100
Defense	90
No-Hit	110
Initiative	80
Meat	80-120
Phylum	dude
Elements	None
Resistance	None
Monster Parts	head, arm, leg, torso, hair
Drops ocarina of space, phonics down, ridiculously huge sword, super-spiky hair gel
Manuel Entry
refreshedit data

 You're fighting a Protagonist

This is a 12-year-old boy who has somehow become one of the most powerful warriors in the world. He's on a quest to both save the world and somehow redeem himself from a past he doesn't remember. Perhaps getting a little bit of a smackdown will jar his memory.

Hit Message(s):

He hits you in the <shoulder> with a sword the size (and sharpness) of a cricket bat. You pass out for a second.Oof! Ugh!

He headbutts you and impales your <eye> with his spiky hair. Ouch! Eek!

He somehow fires a bullet at you from the hilt of his sword. It bids a friendly "hello" to your internal organs. Oof! Argh! Eek! Argh! Oof!

Critical Hit Message:

He holds his sword out and concentrates. Swirling light surrounds him, which begins a minute-and-a-half long light show. Just as you're about to fall asleep, the attack finally hits you. Yeeeowch! Ouch! Eek! Ouch! Ow!

Miss Message(s):

He hits you with his giant sword, which fortunately is about as sharp as your thumb. You shrug it off.

He tries to headbutt you but collapses under the weight of his enormous hairdo.

He somehow fires a bullet at you from the hilt of his sword. Fortunately, the bullet clangs harmlessly off the sword's giant blade.

Fumble Message:

He holds out his sword and concentrates. Bright light swirls around him, which begins a minute-and-a-half long light show. It's boring, but not particularly effective. (FUMBLE!)

---

After Combat

You gain 80-120 Meat. (average: 100, stdev: 8.56)*

You acquire an item: ocarina of space (4% chance)*

You acquire an item: phonics down (41.6% chance)*

You acquire an item: ridiculously huge sword (9.9% chance)*

You acquire an item: super-spiky hair gel (19.7% chance)*

You gain 25 <substat>.

---

Occurs at The Penultimate Fantasy Airship.

Notes

• A successful (non-critical) attack from this monster has a 7.5% chance of giving you an effect:

You acquire an effect: Temporary Amnesia (duration: 5 Adventures)

References

• This adventure is a parody of Cloud Strife from Final Fantasy VII (Note the hair and the ridiculously huge sword), as well as a number of protagonists from other role-playing games. Protagonists in such games would often be extremely young (sometimes 12, as this one appears to be), yet still far more powerful than any grown soldiers they are matched against. Spiky hair is also a common trait, and the character would often suffer from amnesia as well, possibly to find out later that they have some kind of hidden power they knew nothing about.
• The bullet from the hilt of the sword refers to the gunblade, improbable weapon of choice of both Squall (protagonist of Final Fantasy VIII) and Seifer (one of the main bad guys in Final Fantasy VIII).
• The critical hit and fumble messages both refer to the Limit attacks first popularized in Final Fantasy VII, and appearing, under various names, in every incarnation of the series since. The attacks themselves are generally flashy and extensively animated.