Padre Cadáver

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Padre Cadáver
Monster ID 637
Locations every 25-35 adventures on El Dia de Los Muertos Borrachos
Hit Points 75% of Defense
Attack Moxie - 3 (cap at 10 000)
Defense Muscle - 3 (cap at 10 000)
Initiative 0
Meat None
Phylum undead
Elements None
Resistance None
Monster Parts head, arm, leg, torso
Drops
purple corpsel (below level 5), corpsetini (level 5 and above)
Manuel Entry
refreshedit data
Padre Cadáver You're fighting El Padre Cadáver

This is the legendary Padre Cadáver (literally the "Corpse Priest"). Legend has it that he died during a wedding ceremony that went horrendously awry. When the groom failed to show up, the bride got drunk, ripped off her clothes, and jumped into the whitewater rapids for an ill-fated attempt at skinnydipping. The Padre was so shocked (or titillated) by her behavior that he suffered a fatal heart attack.

Remember, kids, you can't anagram "pulmonary infarction" without "fun!"

Hit Message(s):

He swings his incensor around and hits you with it. Needless to say, you're incensed. Ouch! Ugh! Ow!

He garottes you with his rosary. It's sacriligiously painful. Ow! Ow!

He transfixes you with his crucifix. No, not as in "mesmerize," as in "impale."Eek! Argh!

He squirts you with holy water, which appears to have curdled to unholy water over the years. Oof! Argh! Eek!

Critical Hit Message:

He performs a lengthy exorcism on you, with much splashing of holy water and reading from holy texts. Since you're not possessed, it's pretty ineffectual, until you inhale some of the holy water and have a percussive coughing fit. Ow! Ugh!

Miss Message(s):

He tries to transfix you with his crucifix, but you're immune to such trix.

He tries to hit you with his incensor, but you've got the sense to dodge.

He squirts you with holy water, but you're not a vampire, so it doesn't hurt.

He tries to garotte you with his rosary, but you're immune to sacrilege-based damage.

Fumble Message:

He performs a lengthy exorcism on you, with much splashing of holy water and reading from holy texts. Since you're not possessed, it's pretty ineffectual. (FUMBLE!)


After Combat

Corpsetini.gifYou acquire an item: corpsetini (100% chance)*
Corpseshot.gifYou acquire an item: purple corpsel (100% chance)*
You gain some <substat>.

Occurs at random locations during the El Dia de Los Muertos Borrachos.

Notes

  • The purple corpsel will only drop below level 5, and the corpsetini will only drop for characters level 5 and above.
  • When attempting to use an odor extractor, you will get the message: You can't find a good place to stick the syringe.
  • You actually can anagram "pulmonary infarction" without "fun", however the anagram "Fun, lacy, martini porno." probably best fits the circumstances involving the bride's drinking and stripping down naked for her ill-fated swim.
  • This monster cannot be copied.