Orcish Frat Boy (Paddler)
| Orcish Frat Boy | |
|---|---|
| Monster ID | 63 |
| Locations | Orcish Frat House |
| Hit Points | 30 |
| Attack | 40 |
| Defense | 36 |
| No-Hit | 50 |
| Initiative | 60 |
| Meat | 24-36 |
| Phylum | orc |
| Elements | sleaze |
| Resistance | None |
| Monster Parts | head, arm, leg, torso |
| Bounty | empty aftershave bottle |
| Pickpocket | packet of beer nuts |
| Manuel Entry | |
| refreshedit data | |
You're fighting an Orcish Frat BoyThis is an Orcish Frat Boy. He really, really likes paddling new pledges and making them dress in women's underwear. Not that there's anything wrong with that.
Hit Message(s):
He whips out a frat-paddle and hits you square in the spinal column. You feel somewhat hazy. Ooh! Ugh! Ouch! Argh! (sleaze damage)
He hands you a feather duster and tells you to clean up the frathouse. After that little dust-up, you feel pretty sore. Argh! Ooh! Oof! Eek! (sleaze damage)
He pulls out a bra and says "Hey, bra, put this bra on, bra." You have no choice but to do so. It pinches. Ow! Ugh! Ooh! Ow! (sleaze damage)
He beans you in the head with a can of Sir Schlitz. You get sufficiently more impaired than you would had you drank ten or twenty of them. Eek! Ugh! Ouch! Eek! (sleaze damage)
He paddles you. It's humiliating and painful, but hey, it enforces the bonds of brotherhood or whatever. Ouch! Ugh! Ow! Ouch! (sleaze damage)
He swings his frat-paddle and connects solidly with your skull. Oddly enough, a paddle is really just a big, blunt instrument when it's hitting somewhere other than your arse. Eek! Eek! Ugh! Ugh! (sleaze damage)
He winds up and smacks you repeatedly with the frat paddle. It doesn't hurt that bad, but constantly saying "Thank you, sir, may I have another" is bad for your dignity. Eek! Argh! Argh! (sleaze damage)
He whips out a frat-paddle and swings it at you, but you back away as quickly as possible.
He tries to get you dust the frathouse, but you won't get involved in dust-ups like that.
He pulls out a bra and tries to get you to wear it. You tell him it's not your cup size and back away slowly.
He throws a can of Sir Schlitz at you, but thankfully it's an empty can. It bounces harmlessly off your <knee>.
He swings his frat-paddle at you, but misses.
He tries to paddle you, but you're not having any of that funny business.
He whips out his frat-paddle and prepares to swing away, but fumbles and drops the paddle on his toes. He bends over to pick it up and one of his fellow fratboys steps up and paddles him. You back away slowly. (FUMBLE!)
 | You gain 24-36 Meat (average: 30, stdev: 2.83)* |
 | You acquire an item: bottle of gin (20.9% chance)* |
 | You acquire an item: ice-cold Sir Schlitz (20.1% chance)* |
 | You acquire an item: Orcish cargo shorts (6.5% chance)* |
 | You acquire an item: deodorant (5.5% chance)* |
 | You acquire an item: flask flops (2% chance)* |
- If you are on the appropriate bounty hunt:
 | You acquire an item: empty aftershave bottle (100% chance)* |
| You gain 10 <substat>. |
Occurs at Orcish Frat House.
Notes
- Using Pickpocket on this monster may yield a packet of beer nuts from about 15% of pickpocket attempts.
References
- "Not that there's anything wrong with that" is in all probability in reference to the episode of Seinfeld when Jerry and George had to correct a rumor that they were gay for the whole episode, and add "not that there's anything wrong with that".
- Most of the Orcish Frat Boy jokes refer to the usual kinds of initiation through which pledges are forced to go by their fraternities. This one also refers to the movie Animal House wherein Kevin Bacon is a pledge that gets hit repeatedly with a paddle and has to keep saying "Thank you sir, may I have another" until they get tired of hitting him.
- The bottle of Sir Schlitz being thrown at you could be a reference to the classic computer game Dark Castle wherein the final "boss" the Black Knight throws bottles of beer at you.
