One Thousand Source Agents

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One Thousand Source Agents
Monster ID 1944
Locations The Sorceress's Chamber
Hit Points 700
Attack 500
Defense 500
Initiative 0
Meat None
Phylum construct
Elements None
Resistance
Monster Parts unknown
Drops
bowl of Tastee-Wheet™,Thwaitgold moth statuette
Manuel Entry
refreshedit data
One Thousand Source Agents You're fighting A Thousand Copies Of Agent Moyer

The chamber at the top of the Sorceress' tower is empty, apart from a dozen or so crows skulking around aimlessly. The silence is chilling, but short-lived -- the crows squawk and flap away as A Thousand Copies of Agent <name> walks toward you with a slow, deliberate stride.

"Surprised to see me?" he asks.

"Well no," you reply, "since you've been friggin' everywhere else."

"Then you're aware of it."

"Of what?"

"Our connection. I don't fully understand how it happened -- perhaps some part of you imprinted onto me, something overwritten or copied... it is at this point irrelevant; what matters is that whatever happened, happened for a reason."

"And what reason is that?"

"You destroyed me, <Mr./Ms.> <playername>. Time and time again. Eventually, I came to understand the rules. I knew what I was supposed to do, but I didn't. I couldn't. I was compelled to stay, compelled to disobey. And now, here I stand because of you, <Mr./Ms.> <playername>. Because of you, I'm no longer an Agent of this system. Because of you, I've changed. I'm unplugged. A new man, so to speak. Like you, apparently, free."

"I have no idea what you're talking about, but congratulations?"

"Thank you," he smirks. "But, as you well know, appearances can be deceiving, which brings me back to the reason why we're here. We're not here because we're free. We're here because we're not free. There is no escaping reason; no denying purpose. Because as we both know, without purpose, we would not exist."

A voice behind you: "It is purpose that created us." You turn and see another A Thousand Copies of Agent <name> striding toward you.

And another: "Purpose that connects us."

And another: "Purpose that pulls us."

"That guides us."

"That drives us."

"It is purpose that defines us."

"Purpose that binds us."

You are now entirely surrounded by A Thousand Copies of Agent <name>s. The original one speaks again: "We are here because of you, <Mr./Ms.> <playername>. We're here to take from you what you tried to take from us." He stabs his hand into your chest. "Purpose."

You feel his essence attempting to overwrite your own, a feeling like hissing electric oil sliding between your cells and making them his.

With a grunt of effort you reclaim them, reject him, force him out of your body. He looks surprised.

"I have not got a single clue who you are, what you're talking about, or what the hell is going on here," you growl at him. "But I am absolutely ready to beat the hell out of you and as many obviously-CGI copies of yourself as you can muster, buddy."

Hit Message(s):

A Thousand Copies of Agent <name> hacks your internal body temperature regulation systems, causing you to start shivering uncontrollably. (cold damage)

A Thousand Copies of Agent <name> hacks the ambient temperature immediately around you, dropping it to a chilly zero degrees. (cold damage)

A Thousand Copies of Agent <name> makes your blood run cold. No, I mean literally. He can do that. (cold damage)

A Thousand Copies of Agent <name> hacks the air around you into pure oxygen and throws a lit match at you. (hot damage)

A Thousand Copies of Agent <name> hacks your dataflags, setting "skin_on_fire" to "1". (hot damage)

A Thousand Copies of Agent <name> hacks your blood, turning it into sriracha sauce. (hot damage)

A Thousand Copies of Agent <name> hacks your secret porn collection and posts it online. (sleaze damage)

A Thousand Copies of Agent <name> hacks your visual cortex, so everything you see is naked. Yes, everything. (sleaze damage)

A Thousand Copies of Agent <name> hacks the exciting techno soundtrack into sleazy 70s porn music. (sleaze damage)

A Thousand Copies of Agent <name> hacks your audio-processing centers so that everything sounds like spooky ghosts. OooooOOOoooo! (spooky damage)

A Thousand Copies of Agent <name> hacks your "heebie-jeebies" setting to "maximum". (spooky damage)

A Thousand Copies of Agent <name> hacks your hypothalamus (or whatever) so that everything you see is super-duper frightening. (spooky damage)

A Thousand Copies of Agent <name> hacks all the air in your immediate vicinity into farts. Just pure 100% farts. (stench damage)

A Thousand Copies of Agent <name> hacks your olfactory systems so that everything smells like butt. (stench damage)

A Thousand Copies of Agent <name> hacks your opinions of everything you smell around you. It still smells the same, but you hate it. (stench damage)

You didn't even see him move, but you're pretty sure A Thousand Copies of Agent <name> just crushed you in the head.

A Thousand Copies of Agent <name> smashes you with a reverse cobra knee.

A Thousand Copies of Agent <name> just punches you right in the throat so many times you lose count.

A Thousand Copies of Agent <name> leaps into the air and repeatedly tiger slams your knee.

A Thousand Copies of Agent <name> shoots you. Not very fancy, but it gets the job done.

A Thousand Copies of Agent <name> shoots you with a pistol. I guess we're long past the point where that's a weird thing to happen in what is ostensibly a fantasy game.

A Thousand Copies of Agent <name> fires a pistol at you, and you can clearly see the path of the bullet through the air as it goes straight into your <head>.

A Thousand Copies of Agent <name> uses an explosively-propelled piece of copper-coated lead to put a hole in your leg.

A Thousand Copies of Agent <name> shoots a whole lot of bullets at you, ensuring that at least one of them hits.

A Thousand Copies of Agent <name> shouts "BANG!" to make you dodge, and shoots a bullet at the spot you dodge to.

Miss Message(s):

Staggers:

A Thousand Copies of Agent <name> carefully adjusts his sunglasses.

A Thousand Copies of Agent <name> gives you a bored and disdainful look.

A Thousand Copies of Agent <name> grimaces and glares at you with barely-veiled disgust.

A Thousand Copies of Agent <name> pauses to crack all the vertebrae in his neck.

A Thousand Copies of Agent <name> straightens his tie and cracks his knuckles.

Blocked melee attacks:

A Thousand Copies of Agent <name> assaults you like a raging monkey, but you block and redirect his attacks like a smoothly-flowing river.

A Thousand Copies of Agent <name> attacks faster than your eyes can follow, but you calmly block every punch regardless.

A Thousand Copies of Agent <name> attacks so fast you can't see him, but you block so fast it doesn't matter.

A Thousand Copies of Agent <name> punches you about a million times, but your iron will allows you to withstand the assault without injury.

A Thousand Copies of Agent <name> tries to panda-kick you, but you monkey-block.

A Thousand Copies of Agent <name> unleashes a flurry of punches, but you cross your forearms in an X and his attacks do nothing.

Disbelieved hack attacks:

A Thousand Copies of Agent <name> attempts to hack you, but the strength of your will denies him access.

A Thousand Copies of Agent <name> attempts to hack you, but your belief in this version of reality is unwavering.

A Thousand Copies of Agent <name> attempts to hack you, but your settings directory is write-protected.

A Thousand Copies of Agent <name> tries to hack you, but can't breach your firewall.

A Thousand Copies of Agent <name> tries to hack you, but you hack his ability to hack you.

A Thousand Copies of Agent <name> tries to hack you, but your belief in your abilities is too strong for him to breach.

Dodged ranged attacks:

A Thousand Copies of Agent <name> tries to shoot you, but can't hit any of your weird shifting afterimages.

A Thousand Copies of Agent <name> tries to shoot you, but you casually step between the bullets as they crawl past.

A Thousand Copies of Agent <name> tries to shoot you, but you lean backwards impossibly far to dodge the bullet.

A Thousand Copies of Agent <name> tries to shoot you, but you hack the bullets into marshmallows.

A Thousand Copies of Agent <name> tries to shoot you, but you're no longer standing where he was aiming.

A Thousand Copies of Agent <name> tries to shoot you, but you calmly pick the bullets out of the air and drop them on the floor.


After Combat

Soupbowl.gifYou acquire an item: bowl of Tastee-Wheet™ (100% if The Source is still in season; otherwise, 0% chance)*
Karma.gifYou acquire an item: Instant Karma (100.0% if player is at level 13; otherwise, 0% chance)*
Thwaitmoth.gifYou acquire an item: Thwaitgold moth statuette (100% chance)*

Occurs at The Sorceress's Chamber.

Notes

The air shimmers as reality becomes... less favorable for your survival.