Oh No, Hobo

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Oh No, Hobo
Oh No, Hobo

As you approach the door to the Haunted Pantry, a filthy half-orc hobo stumbles up to you from the direction of the Sleazy Back Alley.

"Excuzzz... cuzzah.... Meat?" he slutters*, holding out his hand.

It seems that he wants a handout, not a hand up. In fact, what does "a hand up" even mean?

Anyway, what would you like to do?

* slutter : verb, to simultaneously mutter and slur.

Give him a beating

You take the hobo's outstretched hand and judo flip him over your back. He gets up, dusts himself off, and lurches toward you angrily.

drunken half-orc hobo This monster is a Hobo -- (edit metadata)

Give him some Meat
  • With at least 6 meat:

You hand the hobo some Meat, and he wanders off happily. You feel pretty good about yourself, 'cause, y'know, supporting somebody's self-destructive alcohol habit always makes you feel good about yourself.

Happy.gifYou acquire an effect: Good Karma
(duration: 10 Adventures)
  • With less than 6 meat:

You start to give the hobo some Meat, but realize that you don't have enough to even buy a bottle of Mad Train.

You mutter something noncomittal and back away.

Give him the business

You look at the hobo's outstretched hand, then back at his face.

"Ah, but today is opposite day," you say. "That means you should be giving me meat."

"You didn't say it was opposite day!" the hobo huffs.

"I declared it oppositively by not declaring it." You reply. "Now fork it over."

The hobo grumbles and whines, but forks over some meat. He keeps the fork, though.

You feel wealthier, smarter, and, frankly, a little bit sleazier.

Meat.gifYou gain 5-10 Meat.
You gain 3-4 Wizardliness.
You gain 3-4 Chutzpah.

Occurs at The Haunted Pantry.


  • Choosing "Give him some Meat" costs 5 Meat.


  • Saying you declared it oppositely by not declaring it is a reference to a Calvin and Hobbes comic, in which Hobbes says that he declares that he touched the opposite pole by not declaring it in a game of Calvinball.
  • The "Give him the business" choice is also a reference to the obsolete The Bum's Dilemma adventure in The Sleazy Back Alley.
  • "A handout not a hand up" is a reference to the slogan that some hobo rehab programs have.