Oh, No! Five-Oh!
A bitchin' meatcar with spinning red-and-blue lights on top squeals to a halt on the periphery of the party. Underage orcs and orquettes start running in various directions, shouting various shouts of dismay:
"Crap, it's the cops!"
"Run, it's the police!"
"Cheese it, it's the fuzz!"
"Yo, I'm sick of five-oh runnin' up on the block!"
"Aw, we've got movie sign!"
You start to run, but one of the cops grabs you. When he gets a good look at you, he relaxes a little. "Ah, finally, a responsible adult!" he says. You decline to correct his egregious error in judgment. "Listen, we need to call these kids' parents and get them home. I don't suppose you know any of their names or numbers, do you?"
| Give him the X phone numbers you've collected |
"Well," you say, "I figured you guys would show up eventually, so I've been canvassing the kids, collecting information, so I'd be ready to help you out."
"That makes sense," the officer says. "I mean, I was starting to wonder why you were out here in the first place, but now I commend your initiative. Let's see what you've got."
You hand over the phone numbers you've collected.
If you have less than ten phone numbers:
"Huh," the officer says. "Well, I guess this is better than nothing. Here, you can have this pair of souvenir handcuffs for your troubles."
"Can I call myself an honorary deputy?" you ask.
"No." the cop replies, and stomps off.
 | You acquire an item: bronze handcuffs |
If you have between ten and nineteen phone numbers:
"Good work!" the cop says. "Not many could have done better. Okay, probably plenty of people could have done better, but you did okay. Here, you can have a pair of souvenir handcuffs, and the title of Honorary Deputy!"
"Instead of the title thing, can I just take the kids' keg?" you ask. "It'll help curb underage drinking if I drink all of it."
"Sure, that makes perfect sense!" the officer says, and helps you drag the keg over.
| You acquire an item: bronze handcuffs |
 | You acquire an item: silver keg |
If you have twenty or more phone numbers:
"Excellent work!" the officer says. "Only a trained police officer, with the towering intellect and insight that comes with that training, could have done any better. I'm glad we had a civilian like you on hand, willing to selflessly infiltrate this group of delinquents to help bring them to justice. As a reward, I'd like to give you these souvenir handcuffs and the title of "Honorary Detective, Totally Awesome Job."
"Does that title come with a badge or anything?" you ask.
"No," the cop says, and stomps off. You decide to make the whole thing a little more worthwhile by looting the booze that the partiers left behind.
| You acquire an item: bronze handcuffs |
| You acquire an item: silver keg |
 | You acquire an item: bottle of Goldschnöckered |
| Tell him you'll keep looking |
"Nah," you say, "wouldn't it be a little weird if I was collecting phone numbers at an underage drinking party?"
"I can't see why it would," the officer says, blinking in what appears, against all probability, to be genuine befuddlement.
"Ah, okay then. Well, the kids here trust me, so if you guys back off and let the party continue, I'll keep looking and you can come back later."
"I don't see why not," the dumbest police officer in the world says, and signals to his fellow officers. They pile into their bitchin' squad car and drive off.
Occurs at Kegger in the Woods.
Notes
- Choosing to give the phone numbers will consume the map to the Kegger in the Woods.
- If you only have one phone number, your first option will be: "Give him the single phone number you've collected".
- Occurs once every 10 adventures.
References
- The cry of "movie sign" is, of course, the standard cry of guys trapped in satellites with robots watching bad movies everywhere.
- The adventure name is a double reference: it combines the television crime show Hawaii Five-O -- which led to the term "Five-O" becoming street slang for the police -- with a famous palindrome featuring a noted Hawaiian singer who once recorded the show's theme song: "Oh, no! Don Ho!"
- "Yo, I'm sick of five-oh runnin' up on the block!" is from the song Informer by Snow.
