Neckbeard Giant

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Neckbeard Giant
Monster ID 1333
Locations The Castle in the Clouds in the Sky (Basement)
Hit Points 150
Attack 125
Defense 120
Initiative 40
Meat 120-180
Phylum humanoid
Elements None
Resistance None
Monster Parts head, arm, leg, torso
O'RLY manual, open sauce, giant penguin keychain
Bounty beard crumbs
Manuel giant neckbeard
Manuel Entry
refreshedit data
Neckbeard Giant You're fighting a Neckbeard Giant

This giant believes that the world's computing systems would be so much better if they were freed from the tyranny of standardized user interface, stable computing environments, universal compatibility, and user-friendly error messages. His drive to democratize everything means that anyone can run his software for free, if they're willing to wade through forums full of contemptuous bile and incomprehensible advice when something inevitably goes wrong.

Or to put it another way, he runs more undocumented drivers than a BorderTown cab service.

Hit Message(s):

He throws a little stuffed penguin at you, bonking it off your noggin. Oof! Ugh! Eek!

He executes a bash command on your <ankle>. Ouch! Eek! Eek!

He says, "RTFM, noob," and throws a heavy book at your <ear>. Ouch! Ooh! Oof!

He greps you in the <bung>. You don't know what that means, but you know it hurts.

He writes and compiles a new driver to enable him to smash his fist directly into your face. Ugh! Ow! Ouch!

Critical Hit Message:

He formats your hard drive and reformats it with several painful partitions. And by "hard drive" I mean "<calf>". Ouch! Argh! Oof!

Miss Message(s):

He throws a stuffed penguin at you, but your time with the mafia penguins made you instinctively dodge any penguin-based attack.

He tries to bash your <neck>, but has to debug mid-bash.

He tries to grep you in the <foot>, but gets an error message about "<eye> not found."

He says, "RTFM, noob," but you tell him to STFU.

He writes and compiles a new driver to let him smash his fist into your face, but fails to properly debug it first.

Fumble Message:

You say, "y'know, I prefer BugBearOS X. It's clean and simple, and it just works." His face goes from red to purple to pure white with spots of red in his cheeks as he tells you how wrong you are. (FUMBLE!)

After Combat

Meat.gifYou gain ?124-178? Meat
Book4.gifYou acquire an item: O'RLY manual (15% chance)*
Opensauce.gifYou acquire an item: open sauce (25% chance)*
Penguinshield.gifYou acquire an item: giant penguin keychain (10% chance)*
Mohawk.gifYou acquire an item: giant neckbeard (15% chance)*
Cruft.gifYou acquire a bounty item: beard crumbs
(X of 10 found)

Occurs in The Castle in the Clouds in the Sky (Basement).


  • This monster is a parody of overzealous followers of open source software such as the Linux operating system. "Neckbeard" is a slang term for nerds with poor grooming and hygiene habits.