Naughty, Naughty...
You crack open the tome of Ancient Forbidden Unspeakable Evil. Which particular flavor of Ancient Forbidden Unspeakable Evil were you looking for?
| Read Chapter 1: Tuesdays with Abhorrent Fiends |
Apparently the author of this book used to spend his Tuesday afternoons talking to retired nether fiends. Turns out he was onto something -- if you want to know forbidden secrets of the dark and sinister nature of the Universe, those guys are the guys you want to talk to.
| You gain <mainstat>±4 in Mysteriousness, capped at 75 Mysteriousness. |
| Read Chapter 2: The Nether Planes on 350 Meat a Day |
This chapter teaches you how to open portals into the Nether Planes, which it claims are a great vacation spot if you're completely tainted by evil.
Unfortunately, you accidentally open such a portal by absent-mindedly reading one of the passages out loud.
Fortunately, this particular portal opens into the middle of a dance party. You have a few hors d'ouevres, make some small talk, and pick up some killer dance moves from a some drunk demons before stepping back through the portal into the Library
| You gain <mainstat>±4 in Cheek, capped at 75 Smarm. |
| Read Chapter 3: Twisted, Curdled, Corrupt Energy and You |
- If a Mysticality Class with the English to A. F. U. E. Dictionary in their inventory: (One Time)
- This part of the book is written in language so Ancient, so Forbidden, so Unspeakable, and so Evil that you can't make heads or tails of it.
- Luckily, you've got your trusty English to Ancient Forbidden Unspeakable Evil dictionary, and you're able to translate a little bit at a time.
- You learn how to manipulate pure evil, and adapt it to your own particular method of spellcasting. Neat!
- If a Pastamancer:
- You gain a skill: Fearful Fettucini
- If a Sauceror:
- You gain a skill: Scarysauce
- You put the dictionary back on the shelf, for the next guy.
- If not a Mysticality Class or a subsequent visit, or without the English to A. F. U. E. Dictionary:
- This part of the book is written in language so Ancient, so Forbidden, so Unspeakable, and so Evil that you can't make heads or tails of it. When you try, it just sort of hurts your brain.
 | You lose 10-15 hit points. (spooky damage) |
Occurs by choosing the Read "Ancient Forbidden Unspeakable Evil, a Love Story" option of Take a Look, it's in a Book! (Rise) in The Haunted Library.
References
- "Naughty Naughty" probably refers to the hit song by John Parr; it's also been the title of songs by Vinnie Vincent Invasion and Danger Danger.
- Chapter 1 refers to the book "Tuesdays with Morrie".
- Chapter 2 refers to the 1957 book from Arthur Frommer titled "Europe on $5 a Day".
