Most stores offer items which you can buy and they go directly into your inventory. Some stores do other things. For instance at restaurants and bars, you immediately consume anything you order.
List of NPC Stores
- Note: Several shops (e.g., Bart Ender) are accessible through other URLs as well as through URL manipulation using the shop's keyword (in this case, bartender). Attempting to access a store that you would otherwise not have access to yields an error message.
|The Bat-Cavern||The Bat-Cavern's Bat-Fabricator||shop.php?whichshop=batman_cave||Various||Creates items for use in the Batfellow comic|
|The Big Mountains||Chateau Mantegna Gift Shop||shop.php?whichshop=chateau||Meat*||Only available with access to Chateau Mantegna|
|The Big Mountains||The Hermitage||hermit.php||worthless trinket||Only available with a hermit permit in inventory; trades various items in exchange for worthless trinkets|
|The Big Mountains||Spacegate Fabrication Facility||shop.php?whichshop=spacegate||Spacegate Research||Skills, food, equipment in exchange for Spacegate research|
|The Big Mountains||The Trapper's Cabin||shop.php?whichshop=trapper||Yeti fur||Offers animal skins in exchange for yeti skins|
|Bordertown||The Gift Shop||town_giftshop.php||Meat*||Available gifts and gift packages broaden as one ascends. Packages are sent from here.|
|Bordertown||The Raffle House||raffle.php||Meat*||Here, the Penguin Mafia is raffling Grimacite prizes.|
|Bordertown||Trophy Hut||trophy.php||Meat*||If you qualify for a trophy, you may pay 10,000 Meat here to install it in your Trophy Case.|
|Bordertown||Uncle P's Antiques||shop.php?whichshop=unclep||Meat||This used to be the Penguin Mafia's front-end but was destroyed. It soon returned but with a much more limited array of "services".|
|Class Guild Hall||The Smacketeria||shop.php?whichshop=guidstore3||Meat||Muscle Guild Shop; only available to full guild members and Level 9 Accordion Thieves|
|Class Guild Hall||Gouda's Grimoire and Grocery||shop.php?whichshop=guidstore2||Meat||Mysticality Guild Shop; only available to full guild members and Level 9 Accordion Thieves|
|Class Guild Hall||The Shadowy Store||shop.php?whichshop=guidstore1||Meat||Moxie Guild Shop; only available to full guild members|
|Cobb's Knob Laboratory||The Knob Dispensary||shop.php?whichshop=knobdisp||Meat||Only available after learning the password in the Barracks|
|Conspiracy Island||The Armory||shop.php?whichshop=si_shop3||Coinspiracy||Only available after discovering an Armory keycard, offers items in exchange for Coinspiracy|
|Conspiracy Island||The Canteen||shop.php?whichshop=si_shop2||Coinspiracy||Only available after discovering an bottle-opener keycard, offers drink in exchange for Coinspiracy|
|Conspiracy Island||The SHAWARMA Initiative||shop.php?whichshop=si_shop1||Coinspiracy||Only available after discovering an SHAWARMA Initiative Keycard, offers food in exchange for Coinspiracy|
|Crimbo Town||The Black and White and Red All Over Market||shop.php?whichshop=crimbo20blackmarket||Meat|
|Crimbo Town||The Crimbo Cafe||shop.php?whichshop=crimbo20cafe||Meat|
|Crimbo Town||Elf Booze Drive||shop.php?whichshop=crimbo20booze||donated booze|
|Crimbo Town||Elf Candy Drive||shop.php?whichshop=crimbo20candy||donated candy|
|Crimbo Town||Elf Food Drive||shop.php?whichshop=crimbo20food||donated food|
|Degrassi Knoll||The Degrassi Knoll Bakery and Hardware Store||shop.php?whichshop=gnoll||Meat||Only available when under a Muscle zodiac sign; extremely similar to The Bugbear Bakery, which offers a few cooking supplies; sells what would normally drop from Degrassi Knoll and a detuned radio in addition|
|Desert Beach||The Shore, Inc. Gift Shop||shop.php?whichshop=shore||Shore Inc. Ship Trip Scrip||Offers items, including ascension-related items, for Shore Inc. Ship Trip Scrip|
|Dinseylandfill||The Dinsey Company Store||shop.php?whichshop=landfillstore||FunFunds™||Offers items in exchange for FunFunds™|
|The Distant Woods||Black Market||shop.php?whichshop=blackmarket||Meat||A general store that sells buff items and items required for the Quest for the Holy MacGuffin|
|The Distant Woods||White Citadel||shop.php?whichshop=whitecitadel||Meat||Only available after the White Citadel Quest; sells fast food, which can be eaten or thrown at your convenience|
|The Drip Institute||Drip Institute Armory||place.php?whichplace=dripfacility&action=drip_armory||Meat and Driplets||Offers items for fighting in The Drip|
|The Drip Institute||Drip Institute Cafeteria||place.php?whichplace=dripfacility&action=drip_cafeteria||Meat||Offers items for increasing the amount of Drippy Juice in your bloodstream|
|Downtown Gotpork||ChemiCorp||shop.php?whichshop=batman_chemicorp||dangerous chemicals||Offers various items in exchange for dangerous chemicals|
|Downtown Gotpork||Gotpork Orphanage||shop.php?whichshop=batman_orphanage||kidnapped orphan||Offers various items in exchange for kidnapped orphans|
|Downtown Gotpork||Gotpork P.D.||shop.php?whichshop=batman_pd||incriminating evidence||Offers various items in exchange for incriminating evidence|
|Dreadsylvania||The Terrified Eagle Inn||shop.php?whichshop=dv||Freddy Kruegerand||Offers items in exchange for Freddy Kruegerands|
|The Dungeoneers' Association||A Vending Machine||shop.php?whichshop=damachine||fat loot token||Takes fat look tokens in exchange for keys needed in the final quest and other items|
|Elvish Paradise||Dollhawker's Emporium||shop.php?whichshop=elvishp2||lunar isotope||Stuffed animals in exchange for lunar isotopes|
|Elvish Paradise||The Lunar Lunch-o-Mat||shop.php?whichshop=elvishp1||lunar isotope||Equipment in exchange for lunar isotopes|
|Elvish Paradise||Dollhawker's Emporium||shop.php?whichshop=elvishp3||lunar isotope||Consumables in exchange for lunar isotopes|
|FantasyRealm, by LyleCo||FantasyRealm Premium Rubee™ Store||shop.php?whichshop=fantasyrealm||Rubee™||Equipment in exchange for Rubee™s|
|Forest Village||The Bounty Hunter Hunter's Shack||bhh.php||filthy lucre||Post-NS13, he'll let you do quests for filthy lucre, which you can then exchange for a variety of items.|
|Forest Village||The Bugbear Bakery||shop.php?whichshop=bugbear||Meat||Only available when wearing a Bugbear Costume; offers a few cooking supplies|
|G-Lover||G-Mart||shop.php?whichshop=glover||G||Offers various items in exchange for Gs|
|The Game Grid Arcade||Ticket Redemption Counter||shop.php?whichshop=arcade||Game Grid ticket||Offers various items in exchange for Game Grid tickets; some items are only available after beating different arcade machines|
|The Glaciest||Wal-Mart||shop.php?whichshop=glaciest||Wal-Mart gift certificate||Offers various items in exchange for Wal-Mart gift certificate|
|The Gnomish Gnomads' Camp||Gno-Mart||shop.php?whichshop=gnomart||Meat||A store available under Moxie zodiac signs, selling cheap buffing items and potion materials|
|The Gnomish Gnomads' Camp||The Gnomish Micromicrobrewery||cafe.php?cafeid=2||Meat*||Bar with a randomly selected daily special; only available when under a Moxie zodiac sign|
|Hey Deze||Hell's Kitchen||cafe.php?cafeid=3||Meat||Bar and grill; only available when under a Bad Moon zodiac sign|
|Hey Deze||Nervewrecker's Store||shop.php?whichshop=nerve||Meat||Sells tenderizing hammers, E-Z Cook Oven™s, and cocktailcrafting kits at a discount; only available under Bad Moon|
|The Hidden City||The Hidden Tavern||shop.php?whichshop=hiddentavern||Meat||Sells cocktails for meat|
|Huggler Memorial Colosseum||Jack's Swagger Shack||peevpee.php?place=shop||Swagger||Offers items in exchange for swagger|
|Huggler Memorial Colosseum||Snack Bar||shop.php?whichshop=snackbar||Meat||Offers PvP-producing consumables for meat|
|Inventory||A.W.O.L. Tent||shop.php?whichshop=?||A. W. O. L. commendation||Items in exchange for A. W. O. L. commendations|
|Inventory||Internet Meme Shop||shop.php?whichshop=bacon||BACON||Internet-inspired shop with some limitations|
|Inventory||BURT||inv_use.php||BURT||Items in exchange for BURTs|
|Inventory||The Central Loathing Floral Mercantile Exchange||shop.php?whichshop=flowertradein||Various||Items in exchange for flowers|
|Inventory||FDKOL Tent||inv_use.php||FDKOL commendation||Items in exchange for FDKOL commendations|
|Inventory||Fiddling With Your Genes||shop.php?whichshop=mutate||rad||Skills in exchange for rads|
|Inventory||Freshwater Fishbonery||shop.php?whichshop=fishbones||freshwater fishbone||Items made from freshwater fishbones|
|Inventory||Guzzlr Company Store Website||shop.php?whichshop=guzzlr||Guzzlrbucks||Guzzlr items|
|Inventory||Mad Sliemce||shop.php?whichshop=voteslime||slime blobs||Slime Enslamble items|
|Inventory||Paul's Boutique||shop.php?whichshop=cindy||odd silver coin||Items available for odd silver coins|
|Inventory||Spant Bit Assembly||shop.php?whichshop=spant||Various||Spant armor|
|Inventory||A Star Chart||shop.php?whichshop=starchart||Various||Items available using stars and lines|
|Inventory||Sugar Sheet Folding||shop.php?whichshop=sugarsheets||sugar sheet||Items made from sugar sheets|
|Inventory||Topiary Nuggletcrafting||shop.php?whichshop=topiary||topiary nugglet||Items made from topiary nugglets|
|Inventory||Toxic Chemistry||shop.php?whichshop=toxic||toxic globule||Items made with toxic globules|
|Inventory||warbear black box||shop.php?whichshop=warbear||warbear whosit||Items available for warbear whosits|
|Inventory||warbear black box||shop.php?whichshop=warbear||warbear whosit||Items available for warbear whosits|
|Inventory||Winter Gardening||shop.php?whichshop=snowgarden||Various||Wintry stuff|
|Inventory||XO Shop||shop.php?whichshop=xo||Various||Items made from Xs and Os|
|Kingdom of Exploathing||Cosmic Ray's Bazaar||shop.php?whichshop=exploathing||Various||Items to assist in a Kingdom of Exploathing run|
|KOLHS||Art Class (After School)||shop.php?whichshop=kolhs_art||Various||Items made from objects available in a KOLHS run|
|KOLHS||Chemistry Class (After School)||shop.php?whichshop=kolhs_chem||Various||Items made from objects available in a KOLHS run|
|KOLHS||Shop Class (After School)||shop.php?whichshop=kolhs_shop||Various||Items made from objects available in a KOLHS run|
|Little Canadia||Chez Snootée||cafe.php?cafeid=1||Meat*||Restaurant with a randomly selected daily special; only available when under a Mysticality zodiac sign|
|Little Canadia||Little Canadia Jewelers||shop.php?whichshop=jewelers||Meat||Only available when under a Mysticality zodiac sign; the store central to jewelrymaking|
|Market Square||The Armory and Leggery||shop.php?whichshop=armory||Meat||Generic equipment store for Melee Weapons, Ranged Weapons, Hats and Pants|
|Market Square||Doc Galaktik's Medicine Show||shop.php?whichshop=doc||Meat||Has HP Restorers and MP Restorers available|
|Market Square||The General Store||shop.php?whichshop=generalstore||Meat||All-purpose store that also offers special holiday items on Oyster Egg Day and Valentine's Day|
|Market Square||Madeline's Baking Supply||shop.php?whichshop=madeline||Meat||Same items as the other bakeries|
|Market Square||The Meatsmith||shop.php?whichshop=meatsmith||Meat||The store central to meatsmithing|
|Market Square||Mr. Store||mrstore.php||Mr. Accessory||Donate $10 for a Mr. Accessory and shop here. Also regularly introduces a unique Item of the Month.|
|Market Square||The Traveling Trader||traveler.php||twinkly wad||Appeared shortly and "deimplemented" per a concern of the dev team, but he eventually returned and appears periodically. The trader speaks in ROT-13 and trades various strange and somewhat interesting items in exchange for twinkly wads.|
|The Mysterious Island of Mystery||Barrrtleby's Barrrgain Bookstore||shop.php?whichshop=bartlebys||Meat||Sells the abridged dictionary and various pirate literature|
|The Mysterious Island of Mystery||The Hippy Produce Stand||shop.php?whichshop=hippy||Meat||Only available when wearing a Filthy Hippy Disguise; offers various organic foods|
|The Mysterious Island of Mystery||The Organic Produce Stand||shop.php?whichshop=hippy||Meat||Available if the player cleared out the filthworms for either the Frat Boys or Hippies. Replaces the Hippy Produce Stand, and does not require an outfit.|
|The Mysterious Island of Mystery||The Orcish Frat House (Wartime)||bigisland.php?place=camp&whichcamp=2||Quarter||Only available when wearing a Frat Warrior Fatigues during the Mysterious Island Quest; offers various equipment in exchange for quarters, which themselves are exchanged for Hippy artefacts.|
|The Mysterious Island of Mystery||The Hippy Camp (Wartime)||bigisland.php?place=camp&whichcamp=1||Dime||Only available when wearing a War Hippy Fatigues during the Mysterious Island Quest; offers various equipment in exchange for dimes, which themselves are exchanged for Frat artefacts.|
|The Rabbit Hole||The Tweedleporium||shop.php?whichshop=tweedle||Meat||Sells various items themed on Alice in Wonderland. Available only with the Down the Rabbit Hole effect in place|
|Right Side of the Tracks||LT&T Gift Shop||shop.php?whichshop=ltt||buffalo dime||Sells various items in exchange for buffalo dimes|
|The Sea||Big Brother||monkeycastle.php?who=2||sand dollar||In return for sand dollars, Big Brother will sell items an information of use in the Sea Monkees Quest.|
|The Sea||Grandma||shop.php?whichshop=grandma||Various||Sells items helpful underwater in exchange for various materials|
|Spring Break Beach||The Frozen Brogurt Stand||shop.php?whichshop=sbb_brogurt||Beach Buck||Offers equipment and skills in exchange for Beach Bucks|
|Spring Break Beach||Buff Jimmy's Souvenir Shop||shop.php?whichshop=sbb_jimmy||Beach Buck||Offers equipment and skills in exchange for Beach Bucks|
|Spring Break Beach||Taco Dan's Taco Stand||shop.php?whichshop=sbb_taco||Beach Buck||Offers equipment and skills in exchange for Beach Bucks|
|The Suspicious-Looking Guy's Shady Past||Chinatown Shops||shop.php?whichshop=chinatown||Meat||Offers Chinatown-specific items while adventuring in the Suspicious Guy's past|
|That 70s Volcano||Disco GiftCo||shop.php?whichshop=infernodisco||Volcoino||Offers items in exchange for Volcoinos|
|The Time-Twitching Tower||KoL Con 13 Merch Table||shop.php?whichshop=conmerch||Mr. Accessory||Offers items in exchange for Mr. Accessorys|
|The Time-Twitching Tower||The Applecalypse Store||shop.php?whichshop=applestore||Chroner||Offers items in exchange for Chroners|
|The Time-Twitching Tower||Legitimate Shoe Repair, Inc.||shop.php?whichshop=shoeshop||Chroner||Offers items in exchange for Chroners|
|The Time-Twitching Tower||The Neandermall||shop.php?whichshop=caveshop||Chroner||Offers items in exchange for Chroners|
|The Time-Twitching Tower||The Niña||shop.php?whichshop=nina||Chroner||Offers items in exchange for Chroners|
|The Time-Twitching Tower||Ye Newe Souvenir Shoppe||shop.php?whichshop=shakeshop||Chroner||Offers items in exchange for Chroners|
|The Typical Tavern||Bart Ender||shop.php?whichshop=bartender||Meat*||A place to buy beer, but only after completing the related quest|
|The Typical Tavern||A Suspicious-Looking Guy||tavern.php?place=susguy||Meat*||Offers "goofballs". The first one is free, but each successive hit will cost you 1,000 Meat more than last time. Will also trade oily golden mushrooms for gloomy black mushrooms|
|The Underworld||Everything Under the World||shop.php?whichshop=edunder_shopshop||Ka coin||Sells various items during an Actually Ed the Undying ascension|
|The Underworld||Underworld Body Shop||place.php?whichplace=edunder&action=edunder_bodyshop||Ka coin||Sells various items during an Actually Ed the Undying ascension|
|Valhalla||The Deli Lama||afterlife.php?place=deli||Karma||Astral consumables|
|Valhalla||Pet Heaven||afterlife.php?place=heaven||Karma||Astral equipment|
|Wrong Side of the Tracks||Precinct Materiel Division||shop.php?whichshop=detective||cop dollar||Sells various items in exchange for cop dollars|
|Ye Wizard's Shack Game Shoppe||Cashier||gamestore.php?place=cashier||Credit||Offers foil versions of Alice's Army cards and snacks|
|Your Fallout Shelter||Fallout Shelter Medical Supply||shop.php?whichshop=vault1||Meat||Sells various items during an Nuclear Autumn ascension|
|Your Fallout Shelter||Fallout Shelter Electronics Supply||shop.php?whichshop=vault2||Meat||Sells Wrist-Boys and records during an Nuclear Autumn ascension|
|Your Fallout Shelter||Underground Record Store||shop.php?whichshop=vault3||Meat||Sells records during an Nuclear Autumn ascension|
NPC Stores no longer in game
|Where||Store Name||Path||Takes Meat||Notes|
|Nowhere||The Anti-BountyHunterHunter||store.php?whichstore=t||Unknown||Unimplemented and later removed by Xenophobe|
|Nowhere||The Curious Monkey||monkey.php||Unknown||Unimplemented and later removed by Xenophobe|
|Crimbo||The Crimbo Cafe||Unknown||Meat||Restaurant and bar; available during Crimbo Season 2005, 2007, 2008, and 2009, with different offerings each year.|
|Crimbo||Eating Cave||crimbo06.php?place=cafe||Meat||Restaurant and bar; available during Crimboween 2006 with the first part of the Save Uncle Crimbo! quest and later with the time sleigh|
|Crimbo||The Crimboween Spooky Cafe||crimbo06.php?place=cafe||Meat||Restaurant and bar with a selection similar to that of The Regular Crimbo Cafe; available during Crimboween 2006 with the second part of the Save Uncle Crimbo! quest and later with the time sleigh|
|Crimbo||Crimborg Nutrition Station||crimbo06.php?place=cafe||Meat||Restaurant and bar; available during Crimboween 2006 with the third part of the Save Uncle Crimbo! quest and later with the time sleigh|
|Crimbo||CRIMBCO Cafeteria||Meat||Restaurant and bar; available during Crimbo|
|Crimbo Town||Crimbo Lumps Shop||shop.php?whichshop=crimbo16||Various||Offers food, booze and potions for negative lumps and chakra sludge|
|Crimbo Town||Crimbo Town Gift-O-Mat||shop.php?whichshop=crimbo18giftomat||Meat|
- If you attempt to use URL manipulation to gain access to certain stores without proper access, you will get "Uh-Oh!" followed by the following error messages
- arcade: What?
- bacon: Where's the bacon?
- bartlebys: They only let pirates into that store, and you're not a pirate, and also you don't look like a pirate.
- batman_cavern, batman_chemicorp, batman_orphanage, batman_pd: Nope.
- blackmarket: Nope
- chateau: Nah
- chinatown: That isn't a place.
- cindy: This is not my beautiful magazine.
- conmerch: That store isn't there anymore.
- crimbo18giftomat: That's not a real O-Mat.
- detective: You don't get to just pretend to be a detective and march into a building that doesn't even exist and what am I even talking about, what building.
- dv: No such place is a place.
- edunder_shopshop: Beef boof.
- elvishp1, elvishp2, elvishp3: You can't get here without the proper transporter frequency.
- exploathing: (No Message)
- fantasyrealm: You can't hit a button on a wristwatch you're not wearing. That's like the first koan you learn in Zen school.
- glover: That ain't nothin' but a G thing.
- gnoll: That's a thing that isn't a thing.
- gnomart: That isn't a place.
- grandma: (No Message)
- guildstore1 (guild open, wrong class): Only Disco Bandits and Accordion Thieves may shop here.
- guildstore2 (guild open, wrong class): Only Pastamancers and Saucerors may shop here
- guildstore3 (guild open, wrong class): Only Seal Clubbers and Turtle Tamers may shop here.
- All 3 guildstores (guild not open): You don't have access to this store yet.
- hiddentavern: hidden
- hippy: You can't actually get to my store, man. This must be, like, some kind of hallucination. Cool, man.
- jewelers: That isn't a place.
- junkmagazine: This is not my beautiful magazine.
- knobdisp: Can't get here yet.
- kolhs_art, kolhs_chem, kolhs_shop: Students of KOLHS only.
- landfillstore: You can't go there.
- ltt: That isn't a place.
- madeline: That's not a place!
- mutate: You can't just mutate at will.
- nerve: That isn't a place.
- nina: That store isn't there anymore.
- rumple: (No Message)
- sbb_brogurt, sbb_jimmy, or sbb_taco: That isn't a shop you know how to get to.
- shore: (No Message)
- si_shop1, si_shop2, si_shop3: That isn't a thing you know about
- starchart: You don't have any more star charts. Aww.
- sugarsheets: You have no sugar sheets to fold.
- topiary: You don't have any topiary nugglets.
- toxic: (No Message)
- tweedle: (No Message)
- vault1, vault2, vault3: That isn't a real place.
- voteslime: You don't have any of that.
- warbear: What? No. What?
- whitecitadel: You don't know where that is. You don't even know if that is. A place.
- xo: You don't have any Xs or Os!
- An invalid codeword: No such shop
You can get to the following shops without proper access:
NPC Store Price Modifiers
The following modifiers change the meat price of items offered at NPC stores. They do not modify the price of items that cost another currency, or items that are consumed immediately upon purchase (e.g. Chez Snootée).
All modifiers below stack additively unless otherwise noted.
|sleaze jelly||Spleen item||-10%||Item loss||
|toast with sleaze jelly||Food||-10%||Item loss||
|Black Day||Effect||-10%||Effect loss||
|Five Finger Discount||Skill||-5%||Accordion Thief guild skill|