Mysterious Island Quest

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The Council of Loathing sends you on a mission to incite war between the hippies and the frat boys, and to make sure it's over by tourist season. Once you've started the quest, the Mysterious Island will have alternate adventures in The Hippy Camp (Verge of War) and the Orcish Frat House (Verge of War).


Starting the War

The Hippy/Frat Boy War

  • To fight against the Frat Boys, first equip the War Hippy Fatigues. To do battle with the Hippies, wear the Frat Warrior Fatigues. Then, go face the opposing army on The Battlefield.
  • It is possible to deny yourself access to the quest areas by selling or pulverizing the components of the two level 12 outfits. If you cannot buy or otherwise retrieve a new outfit, there is an adventure that drops the full War Hippy Fatigues outfit.
  • Each side has 1,000 enemies. As you defeat one side, they will gain higher-ranking and stronger allies.
  • For every enemy you defeat on the Battlefield, your comrades will also do their part. How much they help depends on how many side quests you've completed in the side's uniform. Each sidequest completed doubles the number of foes that will fall each adventure. Note: If you are trying to obtain the Order of the Silver Wossname, you will need to track your kills carefully from the start of the war and plan ahead.
Sidequests done 0 1 2 3 4 5 6
Kills per fight 1 2 4 8 16 32 64
Battlefield turns 1000 500 250 125 67 42 34
Battlefield turns for 4 or more sidequests includes 8 turns at 8 kills each, 8 turns at 16 kills each, etc.
  • There also exist other ways to eliminate additional Frats or Hippies:
  • The Orcish Frat House contains a shop, where you can trade various Hippy items in for quarters, which you can use to buy various items. There is a similar store in the Hippy Camp where you can exchange Frat Boy items for dimes, which you can use to buy various items. These shops can only be accessed in their corresponding outfits.
  • The following table shows the number of kills (against the opposite side) for each uniform to reach each area. Note that the Frat House in the Hippy war uniform is a boss battle rather than a store, and vice versa.
Frat House Arena Junkyard Lighthouse Orchard Nuns Farm Hippy Camp
Frat 0 0 0 0 64 192 458 1000
Hippy 1000 458 192 64 0 0 0 0


A sidequest can be completed at any of the following locations, each yielding their own reward as well as affecting kills on the battlefield (see above) and your final quest reward.

See the linked pages for further details on these sidequests.

When doing sidequests, note the following things:

  • Doing a sidequest in an army's outfit only boosts that army's kills per battle. For example, if you did a sidequest in the Hippy Fatigues, but switched to the Frat Warrior Fatigues to fight, the Frat Boy army would only kill one Hippy per fight. Fighting on the Hippy side, however, would kill two Frat Boys per fight.
  • as a War Hippy, The Organic Orchard, Our Lady of Perpetual Indecision, and McMillicancuddy's Farm are available immediately.
  • as a Frat Warrior, The Lighthouse, The Junkyard, and Mysterious Island Arena are available immediately.
  • If you take the time to fight there as a soldier of the opposing army, you will receive a better reward after the war is over.
  • To get to areas behind the enemy army, you must fight until enough enemies are downed to get through. It takes 64 kills in total to unlock the first area, 192 for the second, and 458 for the final area.
  • As a War Hippy, The Lighthouse unlocks first, followed by The Junkyard, and finally Mysterious Island Arena.
  • As a Frat Warrior, The Organic Orchard unlocks first, followed by Our Lady of Perpetual Indecision, and finally McMillicancuddy's Farm.
  • An outfit from one of the armies is always required to complete a sidequest, but may or may not be needed to actually perform the quest's tasks.
  • The following quests require visiting in a uniform to start or continue the sidequest. This means either having both uniforms, or having the uniform of one side and then fighting your way over to the other side.


The rewards for finishing a sidequest depend on the side finished. See each quest's page for specifics.

  • The Mysterious Island Arena: Gain one of three effects, once a day. The set of effects depend on the uniform (and flyers) used to complete it, but the two set of effects are vastly different. Note that the Arena will persist after the war if and only if the side that completes the quest also wins the war.
  • The Junkyard: After this quest is completed in one uniform, new vehicular-based opponents appear when fighting in the Battlefield in the opposing uniform.
    • Frat: The initial reward is one of three physical-boosting accessories, and gremlins can drop gremlin mutagen.
    • Hippy: The initial reward is one of three magic-boosting accessories, and gremlins can drop the more-powerful extra-potent gremlin mutagen.
  • The Lighthouse: Each side gets different combat items as a reward (and unlocks combat items in their respective war shops), but the combat items on both sides are pretty similar.
  • The Organic Orchard
    • Frat: The extra goods sold can be made into basic booze.
    • Hippy: The extra goods sold can be made into awesome-quality pies, good-quality schnapps, and The Way of Sauce potions which increase stat gains.
  • Our Lady of Perpetual Indecision:
    • Frat: Recover up to 1000 HP and MP, up to three times a day
    • Hippy: Recover up to 1000 HP, up to three times a day
  • McMillicancuddy's Farm: During the war, you can receive up to three of a consumable (which can be made into an even better consumable of the same type) per day, and the respective side's supply packs (Hippy Army MPE or Frat Army FGF) will also give that consumable when used.
    • Frat: The consumable is McMillicancuddy's Special Lager. After the war: You can fight up to 15 dooks a day at the farm.
    • Hippy: The consumable is megatofu. After the war: You can fight up to 10 dooks a day at the farm.
    • (do not complete): You can fight up to 5 dooks a day at the farm.


  • This table shows Battlefield turns for various combinations of side quests:
Frat boy
No skips AJB 125 AJB-O 67 AJB-ON 42(*) AJB-ONF 34
Skip Beach AJ 250 AJ-O 133 AJ-ON 83 AJ-ONF 66
No skips ONF 125 ONF-B 67 ONF-BJ 42 ONF-BJA 34
Skip Beach ONF 125 ONF-J 75 ONF-JA 58
Key: Arena, Junkyard, Beach, Orchard, Nuns, Farm.
This does not include the expected turns to complete the side quests.

Ending the War

  • Three final battles are possible, depending on which armies you defeat:
    • If the entire Hippy Army is defeated, entering the Hippy Camp in the Frat Warrior Fatigues triggers a final battle against The Big Wisniewski. Defeating him vanquishes the Hippy army once and for all, and the Hippy Camp gets bombed back to the stone age.
    • If the entire Frat Boy Army is defeated, entering the Orcish Frat House in the War Hippy Fatigues triggers a final battle against The Man. Defeating him vanquishes the Frat Boys once and for all, and the Orcish Frat House gets bombed back to the stone age.
    • If each army is reduced to exactly one soldier, entering The Battlefield (in either set of fatigues) triggers The Last Stand, a final battle against both The Man and The Big Wisniewski. If you use a flaregun against either one in combat, they will both be destroyed. WARNING: The 3 pirates that drop the flaregun cannot be fought without some way of copying while the war is in progress, so plan wisely.
      • Note that in order to trigger the proper sequence, you must actually go back from the very last person you destroy (whether it is the 999th hippy or frat) and see that there is one of each soldier standing, not use the "Last Adventure" button.


  • A medal is awarded by the council depending on which army you led to victory, and how many sidequests you accomplished. Completing a side quest in the other army's fatigues does not count towards a medal.
Hippy Victory Frat Boy Victory Stat Boost
0 sidequests Hmedballoon.gif Red Balloon of Valor Fmedomega.gif Uranium Omega of Temperance +5 To All Attributes

+11% Item Drops from Monsters

1 sidequests Hmedhshoe.gif Purple Horseshoe of Honor Fmedzeta.gif Lead Zeta of Chastity +6 To All Attributes

+10% Item Drops from Monsters

2 sidequests Hmeddiamond.gif Blue Diamond of Honesty Fmedepsilon.gif Aluminum Epsilon of Humility +7 To All Attributes

+9% Item Drops from Monsters

3 sidequests Hmedclub.gif Green Clover of Justice Fmeddelta.gif Zinc Delta of Tranquility +8 To All Attributes

+8% Item Drops from Monsters

4 sidequests Hmedmoon.gif Yellow Moon of Compassion Fmedgamma.gif Nickel Gamma of Frugality +9 To All Attributes

+7% Item Drops from Monsters

5 sidequests Hmedstar.gif Orange Star of Sacrifice Fmedbeta.gif Iron Beta of Industry +10 To All Attributes

+6% Item Drops from Monsters

6 sidequests Hmedheart.gif Pink Heart of Spirit Fmedalpha.gif Copper Alpha of Sincerity +11 To All Attributes

+5% Item Drops from Monsters

Destroy both armies Wossname.gif Order of the Silver Wossname +11 To All Attributes

+11% Item and Meat Drops from Monsters

Extra benefits may be available to you in the six sidequest areas after the war, depending on which uniform you finished the sidequest in (Frat Boy or Hippy), and how you finished the war (Frat Boy victory, Hippy victory, or The Last Stand):


Initial council text:

Adventurer, we have heard rumors that trouble is brewing on the Mysterious Island of Mystery. The hippies and frat boys are agitating for war. I mean, they've always been a little tense with each other, but now it's getting serious. We couldn't be happier.
We'd like you to go over there and make sure that war starts. We don't care how it starts and we don't care who wins, so there's basically no way for you to screw this up, so long as you don't accidentally negotiate a peace accord. Try not to do that.

Subsequent visits:

Hey, have you managed to start the war on the Mysterious Island yet? If you can't get them sufficiently worked up, try assassinating Franz Ferdinand. Historically, that tends to work.

After starting the war:

Excellent work, adventurer! You've finally managed to get those idiots to fight each other. Now you've got to make sure the battle ends before the tourist season. I mean, would you rather go visit the "beautiful tropical island" or the "body-strewn war zone?"
Well, there's no accounting for taste. We happen to believe most people would prefer the beautiful tropical island. Get out there and rack up some casualties so we can get this over with, will you?
If you're not making enough progress, you should try helping some of the other denizens of the island. Unlike every other fantasy Kingdom in the world, if you're stuck you should visit every location and talk to everyone.

After leading the Hippies to victory:

Great work, adventurer! You finally rid the island of those smug bastard frat boys. The tourist trade is going to boom now that travelers don't have to worry about being forced to do beer bongs while being paddled. Now they can choose to be paddled without doing a beer bong or vice versa!
Now if only there were something we could do about the hippies. Oh well, at least they're mostly non-violent. As long as you don't get close enough to smell them, they're okay.
Here you go -- you're now a decorated war hero. Don't let it go to your head.
SomethingYou acquire... something. [[Data:{{{item}}}]]

After leading the Frat Boys to victory:

Good job, adventurer! You finally rid the island of those smelly hippies. The tourist trade is going to boom without them stinking up the place!
Now, if only there were something we could do about the frat boys. Oh well, at least they make good margaritas.
Here you go -- you're now a decorated war hero. Don't let it go to your head.
SomethingYou acquire... something. [[Data:{{{item}}}]]

After defeating both sides:

Congratulations, adventurer! You've managed to get both sides to wipe each other out. No more stinky incense or sleazy pick-up lines, and you've also created a poignant metaphor of the futility of war. Don't worry, we're sure that last bit was an accident.
Here you go -- you're now a decorated war hero. Don't let it go to your head.
Wossname.gifYou acquire an item: Order of the Silver Wossname

Initial quest log text:

Make War, Not... Oh, Wait
The Council has gotten word of tensions building between the hippies and the frat boys on the Mysterious Island of Mystery.
They suspect that the two factions are about to go to war, and they want to make sure it's a big war. They want you to head down there and see if you can't stir up some trouble.

After starting the war:

You've managed to get the war between the hippies and frat boys started, and now the Council wants you to finish it.
You can aid the war effort by fighting on the Battlefield, or you can help out some of the other residents of the island in the hopes that they'll aid the side you're fighting for.

After leading the Hippies to victory:

You led the filthy hippies to victory in the Great War. For Gaia!

After leading the Frat Boys to victory:

You led the Orcish frat boys to victory in the Great War. For The Horde!

After defeating both sides:

You started a chain of events that led the pirates to annihilate both the hippies and the frat boys in the Great War. Toasty!


  • This quest was originally not unlocked until you have unlocked and visited The Palindome. However, this restriction has now been removed, since it is no longer necessary to visit the Pirates (who disappear during the Frat War) to unlock the Palindome: this can be done through The Copperhead Club and The Red Zeppelin.
  • Figures of the opposite team disappear from the battlefield image after every few kills you make. The number of kills needed to advance to the next image starts small, and increases as you approach the image whose filename ends with 32.
  • Flareguns are useless, with the exception of The Last Stand.
  • Some might say that it is easiest to side with the Frat Boys, as the Sleaze damage bonus from their outfit is doubled against the Stench-aligned Hippies. (Cold damage is doubled against both sides.)


  • When you adventure in the Orcish Frat House you meet the Orcish women making weapons. This is a reference to World War 2, when the women made ammunition because the men were overseas.
  • The Council of Loathing's comment that "no matter who loses, we win" may be a reference to the tagline of the movie Alien vs. Predator: "Whoever wins, we lose."
  • The quest rewards when fighting on the hippy side are a reference to Lucky Charms cereal, which contains marshmallow shapes of all of the badges shown. The combination of color and shape does tend to remind one of, for instance, "Purple Heart" medals.
  • The quest rewards when fighting on the frat boy side, comparatively, are Greek letters, ranging in order from first (Alpha) to last (Omega), all with accompanying metallic descriptors.
  • The quest rewards also bear a striking similarity to some of the Eight Virtues as described in the Ultima games -- Honesty, Compassion, Valor, Justice, Sacrifice, Honor, Spirituality and Humility.
  • The rest of the rewards seem to be some (but not all) of Benjamin Franklin's "13 Virtues" which included Temperance, Silence, Order, Resolution, Frugality, Industry, Sincerity, Justice, Moderation, Cleanliness, Tranquility, Chastity, and Humility.
  • The virtues in the frat boy rewards seem to be those least likely to be shown by the Orcish Frat Boys.
  • The possible consequences of the war were seen during the days of the Temporal Rifts, at the The Mysterious Island in the As-Yet-Unimplemented Future. Fortunately, it seems that future has not come to pass. Yet. However, during the war, there is a conspicuous absence of pirates, like in this future.
  • "For The Horde!" in the Orcish frat boy's victory message refers to the Warcraft series, where the Orc race is a member of the Horde. When ordered to attack, Orc Grunts will often yell, "For the Horde!" during play.
  • "For Gaia" is a reference to the Greek goddess Gaia who is the goddess of the earth -- which hippies often protect and worship in a sense.
  • "Toasty!" is a reference to Mortal Kombat II, in which strong uppercuts would occasionally result in the developer's head popping out of the corner to exclaim 'toasty!' in a cheerful, high-pitched voice.
  • Historically, World War I began with the assassination of Archduke Franz Ferdinand. This war can also start with the assassination of Franz Ferdinand, but this Franz isn't an archduke, it's a reference to the Scottish band formed in 2002, "Franz Ferdinand".
  • The line from the Council about "unlike every other fantasy Kingdom..." alludes to the fact that in most RPGs, you tend to talk to and help everyone.
  • The name of the quest, "Make war not.. Oh wait" is a play off the old slogan "Make love not war."
  • When you begin the war at the hippy camp the quote: "begun, the frat war has" is reference to the Star Wars quote: "begun, the clone war has".