Mutant cookie-baking elf

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Mutant cookie-baking elf
Monster ID 749
Locations The Atomic Crimbo Toy Factory
Hit Points Scales with player stats
Attack Scales with player stats
Defense Scales with player stats
Initiative 75
Meat None
Phylum elf
Elements None
Resistance None
Monster Parts head, arm, leg, torso
festive holiday hat
Manuel Entry
refreshedit data
mutant cookie-baking elf You're fighting a mutant cookie-baking elf

This elf used to be in charge of making cookies to stuff in the stockings of all of Loathing's good little boys and girls. Since the boys and girls also leave a plate of cookies out for Uncle Crimbo (despite his repeated requests for flasks full of whiskey), Crimbo is pretty much a zero sum game, cookie-wise.

Cookie-wise or cookie-foolish, though, this elf has been seriously mutated by exposure to Grimacite radiation, and the only thing he's interested in cooking now is your goose!

Hit Message(s):

He pushes you against a freshly-baked tray of cookies. Hot, hot, hot! Oof! Ow! Oof! (hot damage)

He slashes you with his claw, then rubs sugar in the wound. Hey, at least it wasn't salt. Argh! Ouch! Oof!

He uses one of his grotesquely bulging arms to whack you with a spatula. Argh! Ouch! Ouch!

He throws a freshly-baked cookie at you. Turns out there's not a lot of difference between molten chocolate chips and napalm. Oof! Ouch! Ow!

Critical Hit Message:

He slashes your throat, collects the blood in a bowl, and adds flour and sugar to make cookie dough. Wait, that's too gruesome for this game. Er, he gives you a flower! How sweet! Ooh! Argh! Ooh!

Miss Message(s):

He throws a freshly-baked cookie at you, but you eat it before it can hurt you. Um, presumably it was going to hurt you. I mean, why else throw it, right?

He tries to slash you with his claws, but they're not sandy enough to do the job.

He tries to whack you with a spatula, but you're not down with thatula.

He tries to push you into an oven, but you swear you've never heard of Hansel or Gretel, and they must be lying.

Fumble Message:

He tries to put icing on a gingerbread man, but it crumbles to pieces in his big, hulking claws. He weeps copiously while you try to remind him that that's just the way the cookie crumbles. (FUMBLE!)

After Combat

Crimbohat.gifYou acquire an item: festive holiday hat (3% chance)*
Upon reciting The Spirit of Crimbo
Ccskoshe.gifYou acquire an item: pulsing flesh (100% chance)*
Vial.gifYou acquire an item: unstable DNA (100% chance)*

Occurred at The Atomic Crimbo Toy Factory.