|Locations||The Maelstrom of Lovers|
|Hit Points||75% of Monster Defense|
|Attack||Player's Moxie+2 (min 10, max 150)|
|Defense||Player's Muscle+2 (min 10, max 150)|
|Monster Parts||arm, head, leg, torso|
The history, herewith, of Mortimer Strauss,
Who never could wait 'til his wife left the house,
For he'd call up his mistresses, seven-and-twenty,
The fun they had? Sordid. The acts they did? Plenty.
They frabled their snoobles! They pandled their banglers!
He'd grindy her vormins! She'd shmooby his danglers!
When Mortimer died (with a smile on his face),
He awoke as a wind-beset wraith in this place.
He spangles your norbles and schmoozes your snoff
And you heartily wish that he'd just knock it off. (sleaze damage)
Mortimer gives you a slap on the rump,
That slap on the rump makes you jump like a chump! Eek! (sleaze damage)
He pinches you right on your left buttock cheek
Which startles you so, you jump into next week. Ouch! (sleaze damage)
Mortimer tries to fandoogle your bubblies,
When he fails, then he kicks you right square in the jubblies.Eek! (sleaze damage)
He distracts you with lewd and unseemly loud catcalls,
Thus tripping you into a series of pratfalls.
He does is most damndest to bangle your frangle
But try as he might, you're quite un-frangle-bangled.
Mortimer tries to slap your behind
But he's floating so fast that he has to slap blind.
He asks you for your astrological sign,
You say that it's, "Stop," and then he starts to whine.
Mortimer tries to fandoogle your vurbles
But you dodge him so quickly the air 'round you burbles.
He goes off to flirt with another sad wraith,
He'll be back in a minute, though, you just have faith! (FUMBLE!)
|You acquire an item: jar full of wind (??% chance)*|
|You acquire an item: Mortimer's nostrum (??% chance)*|
Occurs at The Maelstrom of Lovers.