Monster Manuel (V)

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There are 37 creatures filed under V.

Monster Manuel Entries
A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z Other
Spelunkvampire.gif Nicesword.gif 60 This monster is Undead vampire
  • Vampires have nineteen stomachs, each of which is only the size of a thimble. This is why they require a liquid diet.
  • In addition to transforming into bats, vampires can also transform into mist, wolves, and Ottomans.
  • Few historians know the truth about this, but the Ottoman empire was destroyed from within by vampire spies.
Whiteshield.gif 60 This monster has no particular elemental alignment.
Hp1.gif 60 Never wins initiative
Regbat.gif Nicesword.gif 17 This monster is a Beast vampire bat
  • Vampire bats are not actually related to regular bats at all! They are in fact a type of large predatory moth.
  • If a vampire bat should suddenly headbutt you, don't take it the wrong way! It is merely a form of friendly greeting.
  • Every day, a vampire bat will drink more than three times its weight in mammal blood, olive oil, and strawberry Yoo-hoo.
Whiteshield.gif 14 This monster has no particular elemental alignment.
Hp1.gif 10 Initiative +60%
Vampclam.gif Nicesword.gif 19 This monster is Undead vampire clam
  • No one's sure how, or why, a vampire bit a clam in the first place.
  • This vampire turns into a clammier mist than most.
  • The vampire clam can turn into a bat, but it's a bat with seashell wings, so it can't fly.
Whiteshield.gif 17 This monster has no particular elemental alignment.
Hp1.gif 14 Initiative +60%
Duckvampire.gif Nicesword.gif 175 This monster is a Beast vampire duck
  • When a vampire duck buys sunscreen at the drug store, he says "Put it on my bill. And also everywhere else. Seriously. I could die."
  • Vampire ducks don't cast a reflection on the still ponds they swim in, which makes them really bad models for art students.
  • The quickest way to a vampire duck's heart is to feed a vampire duck your own heart.
Whiteshield.gif 153 This monster is Spooky.  Spooky is weak against Hot and Stench.
Hp1.gif 190 Initiative +50%
Vandalkid.gif Nicesword.gif ? This monster is a Dude vandal kid
  • The Vandals were an East Germanic tribe in the early 5th Century who annoyed people by carving their initials into marble statues.
  • They later formed a seminal punk rock band who had a few minor hits.
  • Most young vandals are easily reformed by caring, nurturing, teaching about empathy, and/or beatings.
Whiteshield.gif ? This monster has no particular elemental alignment.
Hp1.gif ? Initiative +50%
Cvcreature.gif Nicesword.gif 1000 This monster is a Construct Vanya's Creature
  • All of the parts for Vanya's Creature were obtained from legal medical and scientific sources. Remember to read the fine print on your organ donor card!
  • Vanya's Creature is an excellent tap-dancer, but he's terrible at ballet.
  • Insiders say Vanya created the Creature, not to terrorize the world, but because he needed a fourth for his weekly Bridge game.
Whiteshield.gif 900 This monster is Spooky.  Spooky is weak against Hot and Stench.
Hp1.gif 3000 Never wins initiative
Pr vapeghost.gif Nicesword.gif 60 This monster is Undead vape ghost
  • Please note that vape ghosts have not yet been proven to be healthier than regular cigarette ghosts.
  • It is recommended that you only use a glass sword when fighting lemon or other citrus flavors of vape ghost, and not a polycarbonite sword.
  • Please make sure your vape ghost doesn't contain the flavor enhancer diacetyl, or you may risk contracting "popcorn fist" from fighting it.
Whiteshield.gif 30 This monster has no particular elemental alignment.
Hp1.gif 60 Initiative +30%
Gremlinveg.gif Nicesword.gif 168 This monster is a Humanoid vegetable gremlin
  • The vegetable gremlin LITERALLY has an EAR of CORN. Get it?
  • Eating a vegetable gremlin's carrot arm will improve your eyesight, because it'll stop the gremlin from poking you in the eyes.
  • The vegetable gremlin's throat is lined with corn on the cob, and his voice is a little husk-y.
Whiteshield.gif 154 This monster has no particular elemental alignment.
Hp1.gif 170 Initiative +60%
Gremlinveg.gif Nicesword.gif 168 This monster is a Humanoid vegetable gremlin
  • Man, look at the abs on that gremlin! ...or wait, is that a cabbage? I'm confused.
  • Vegetable gremlins are difficult to cultivate, because you have to water them regularly, and yet you should never get them wet.
  • I'd like to draw your attention to the fact that the vegetable gremlin pictured has an ear of corn for an ear. It's not often that we get a chance for a visual pun like that.
Whiteshield.gif 154 This monster has no particular elemental alignment.
Hp1.gif 170 Initiative +60%
Velvetug.gif Nicesword.gif ? This monster is a Humanoid velvet underground dweller
  • JJ Cale was never a member of the Velvet Underground. That was someone else.
  • John Cale didn't write 4'33". That was someone else.
  • Hrvoje Čale is not a Croatian soccer player. That was... oh, wait, no. Yeah, that's him.
Whiteshield.gif ? This monster has no particular elemental alignment.
Hp1.gif ? Never wins initiative
Vendorslime.gif Nicesword.gif 145 This monster is a Slime vendor slime
  • Vendor slimes are a fairly common sort of slime, unless you get the rare purple variant with the error on the eyestalk.
  • It's best to buy from vendor slimes toward the end of the Con, when they're desperate to make a deal.
  • Vendor slimes would be nothing without wholesaler slimes, but you never hear anything about those guys.
Whiteshield.gif 130 This monster has no particular elemental alignment.
Hp1.gif 160 Initiative +75%
Turtleghost.gif Nicesword.gif 21 This monster is Undead vengeful turtle spectre
  • When cornered, a spectral turtle will sometimes initiate something it calls "ghost protocol," which involves crawling 3-4% more quickly than usual.
  • Some of the superstitious country folk of Loathing believe that scattering leaves of lettuce on their doorsteps will placate a ghost turtle, redirecting its fury onto their neighbors.
  • Ghost turtles hate Kevin Costner. They are not alone in this.
Whiteshield.gif 18 This monster has no particular elemental alignment.
Hp1.gif 18 Initiative +20%
Mantrap.gif Nicesword.gif ? This monster is a Plant Venus mantrap
  • The Venus mantrap can skeletonize a full-sized human being in just three months. I know that doesn't seem fast, but it's faster than almost every other plant.
  • The Venus mantrap is actually less frightening than the Uranus mantrap.
  • You should say, "shut your trap," to a Venus mantrap. Then you can both have a nice little laugh before you start fighting again.
Whiteshield.gif ? This monster is Spooky.  Spooky is weak against Hot and Stench.
Hp1.gif ? Never wins initiative
Drybones.gif Nicesword.gif 100 This monster is Undead Very Dry Bones
  • If a skeleton turtle pulls in its head and legs, you can't tell it from a regular turtle. Creepy!
  • Skeleton turtles are the bongos in the skeleton xylophone orchestra.
  • Once when I was a little kid I found an empty turtle shell near a pond, and when I shook it a bone fell out and it scared the everliving hell out of me.
Whiteshield.gif 100 This monster has no particular elemental alignment.
Hp1.gif 150 Initiative +50%
Henchman.gif Nicesword.gif 0 This monster is a Dude very [adjective] henchman
  • Having to prove themselves to their confederates has made them both [%batman_lib_adj%] and [%batman_lib_adj%] [%batman_lib_noun%]s.
  • Don't under[%batman_lib_verb%] these [%batman_lib_noun%]s, or you're in for a real [%batman_lib_noun%].
  • His favorite [%batman_lib_noun%] is [%batman_lib_adj%] [%batman_lib_noun%]s.
Whiteshield.gif 0 This monster has no particular elemental alignment.
Hp1.gif 0 Never wins initiative
Henchwoman.gif Nicesword.gif 0 This monster is a Dude very [adjective] henchwoman
  • The Mad Libber's henchwomen are all experts in [%batman_lib_verb%]ing and the use of [%batman_lib_noun%]s.
  • Don't try to [%batman_lib_verb%] her -- she won't [%batman_lib_verb%] for that [%batman_lib_noun%] one bit.
  • I doubt you'll meet anyone as [%batman_lib_adj%] as she is in the rest of your [%batman_lib_noun%].
Whiteshield.gif 0 This monster has no particular elemental alignment.
Hp1.gif 0 Never wins initiative
Easel.gif Nicesword.gif 99999 This monster is a Construct Vicious Easel
  • Vicious easels are notorious art critics, and have been known to attack painters who cover a canvas with a single solid color and call it 'art'.
  • Vicious easels don't actually know much about art, but they know what they hate. You.
  • It is speculated that vicious easels were first created by an alchemist who was experimenting with a new formula for W-remover.
Whiteshield.gif 89999 This monster has no particular elemental alignment.
Hp1.gif 99999 Never wins initiative
Gnauga.gif Nicesword.gif 45 This monster is a Beast vicious gnauga
  • Stains on gnauga hyde may be cleaned off with a combination of ammonia and bleach, if you want to get really high and possibly dead.
  • To polish gnauga hyde, use a combination of salt and lime juice. Wait, sorry, that's to drink tequila.
  • The gnauga has three rows of serrated teeth on the top and bottom of his mouth, and sometimes a few stray ones growing out of its spine.
Whiteshield.gif 36 This monster has no particular elemental alignment.
Hp1.gif 40 Initiative +60%
Plantmonster.gif Nicesword.gif 0 This monster is a Plant vicious plant creature
  • If you teach a plant to eat meat, then it can make its own fertilizer. Cost-effective!
  • The tricky bit about cross-breeding plants with sharks was keeping them from dying from not swimming constantly.
  • Martian fly-traps are much less emotional than the usual kind, and are more aggressive.
Whiteshield.gif 0 This monster has no particular elemental alignment.
Hp1.gif 0 Never wins initiative
Victor.gif Nicesword.gif 70 This monster is a Demon Victor the Insult Comic Hellhound
  • Nothing is sadder than being insulted by a rubber hand-puppet. You have to laugh, because otherwise you'd... well, roll your eyes, I guess.
  • If you're in Hey Deez[sic], and get invited to a roast in your honor, don't go! It's not the sort where comedians make fun of you. Okay well, they might, but only by coincidence.
  • Have you considered the idea that the hand-puppet might be the real hellhound, and the thing holding it is fake? That's totally not the case, but wouldn't it be weird?
Whiteshield.gif 63 This monster has no particular elemental alignment.
Hp1.gif 70 Initiative +50%
Faq boss2.gif Nicesword.gif ? This monster is a Construct Video Game Boss
  • By definition, all video game bosses are self-employed.
  • When interviewing for a new job, be sure to ask what your new boss's elemental weakness will be.
  • Video game bosses are called that (rather than some other title, e.g. 'presidents', 'kings', 'generals', etc.) as a reference to Tony Danza's role as the main villain in the tv show "Who's The Boss?"
Whiteshield.gif ? This monster has no particular elemental alignment.
Hp1.gif ? Never wins initiative
Faq miniboss4.gif Nicesword.gif ? This monster is a Construct Video Game Miniboss
  • Minibosses are the most important part of any evil villain's team. The regular skeleton and zombie mooks just can't be trusted to get your sandwich order right. (And Grod help you if you want a complicated coffee drink.
  • Not all minibosses are intelligent, of course. Morgar the Blight Vizier had a miniboss that was merely a large and realisitically-painted stone statue of a cave troll, which he would drop on adventurers from a great height.)
  • Pro-Tip for Minibosses: try to conceal and protect your huge glowing fatal weak point. If it's your single giant eye, maybe invest in a welder's mask?
Whiteshield.gif ? This monster has no particular elemental alignment.
Hp1.gif ? Never wins initiative
Qmark.gif Nicesword.gif ? This monster is a Construct Video Game Minion (moderate)
  • While the most common mid-level video game minion is the ninja, many historians suspect that ninjas never actually existed! They believe they were invented for medieval Japanese video games, which were created for the entertainment of the Emperor.
  • Another common mid-level minion species is the mushroom. When they die, mushroom people turn into question-mark blocks. The blocks can then be broken to release their mushroom-shaped souls, which grant magical powers when inhaled. Ah, the cycle of life.
  • One of the most interesting video game minions is the bat. They reproduce by knocking adventurers into pits. Okay, well, not exactly 'reproduce', but it does give them orgasms.
Whiteshield.gif ? This monster has no particular elemental alignment.
Hp1.gif ? Never wins initiative
Qmark.gif Nicesword.gif ? This monster is a Construct Video Game Minion (strong)
  • Monsters generally have a lot of free time on their hands while they sit in underground rooms waiting for adventurers to show up. Many of them take up a hobby, such as model-train building or crochet.
  • Other popular ways monsters fill time include poker, contract bridge, and mah-jongg. It is generally accepted that, if playing for money and the game is interrupted by adventurers, the hand will be re-dealt (with the pot rolled over) after the fight.
  • Here's a useful bit of related information: "Grakk mok farg ho plokk!" is Goblin for "Are you kidding me? I had four aces, you dick!"
Whiteshield.gif ? This monster has no particular elemental alignment.
Hp1.gif ? Never wins initiative
Qmark.gif Nicesword.gif ? This monster is a Construct Video Game Minion (weak)
  • While there are many kinds of weak video game minions, the most commonly encountered are zombies. This is because when they're used up you can de-flesh them and get a free skeleton. It's like two minions for the price of one.
  • If you walk to work, why not look for a jumping-puzzle along your route? If you try it every day, eventually you'll get really good at it, and onlookers will be super impressed.
  • The little hearts and stars that pop out of a video game enemy when you kill it are actually that creature's guts rendered in low-resolution pixel art.
Whiteshield.gif ? This monster has no particular elemental alignment.
Hp1.gif ? Never wins initiative
Bond sidekick5.gif Nicesword.gif ? This monster is a Dude Villainous Henchperson
  • Henchmen or women are best seen killing you and not heard.
  • "Unique Quirk" is a required field on most villain's underling application form.
  • Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one's life for one's fiend.
Whiteshield.gif ? This monster has no particular elemental alignment.
Hp1.gif ? Never wins initiative
Bond minion1.gif Nicesword.gif ? This monster is a Dude Villainous Minion
  • The average minion is paid less than $20 a day.
  • Working for a super villain is ten times more dangerous than crab fishing.
  • 9/10 minions would rather be roadies.
Whiteshield.gif ? This monster has no particular elemental alignment.
Hp1.gif ? Initiative +50%
Bond villain1.gif Nicesword.gif ? This monster is a Dude Villainous Villain
  • Your average super villain can barely survive a two hour movie.
  • Monologuing is a fading art form, because it often gets its practitioners killed.
  • 90% of most criminal profits are spent outfitting high-tech lairs.
Whiteshield.gif ? This monster has no particular elemental alignment.
Hp1.gif ? Never wins initiative
Gar.gif Nicesword.gif 200 This monster is a Beast vine gar
  • Vinegar can take the mildew smell out of a load of laundry that you forgot about in the washing machine for a week. Just pour a few tablespoons in when you start!
  • Salt and vinegar chips (or "crisps," if you must) have been empirically proven to be the most delicious chips in the world.
  • The vine gar's attitude can best be described as "garrulous."
Whiteshield.gif 180 This monster has no particular elemental alignment.
Hp1.gif 180 Initiative +70%
Botanist.gif Nicesword.gif 0 This monster is a Plant vine-controlled botanist
  • Were you as bummed as I was to learn that botanists study plants, and not robots?
  • Some kind of joke about six-second video clips.
  • Most botanists start out as zoologists, then switch to botany because the stupid animals won't stand still.
Whiteshield.gif 0 This monster has no particular elemental alignment.
Hp1.gif 0 Never wins initiative
Prim fung.gif Nicesword.gif 20 This monster is a Plant violent fungus
  • The violent fungus seems like a jerk, but he's a fungi if you get to know him. (Sorry.)
  • This particular fungus is actually a yeast, coincidentally the same variety used in Willer beer.
  • Yeast are responsible for 99.9% of the world's smallest fart jokes.
Whiteshield.gif 18 This monster has no particular elemental alignment.
Hp1.gif 25 Initiative +50%
Music.gif Nicesword.gif 53 This monster is Weird Visible Music
  • Music is generally invisible to humans, because it exists in the low-ultraviolet end of the spectrum. This is why blacklight posters are popular.
  • Science has been working on a special projector that would allow you to see music in a normal state of mind, but so far they've only gotten it to work on terrifying higher-dimensional space blobs.
  • Be careful what you listen to -- if you can see the music, the music can also see you.
Whiteshield.gif 47 This monster has no particular elemental alignment.
Hp1.gif 50 Initiative +60%
Iceguy4.gif Nicesword.gif ? This monster is a Dude Vivian Vibrian Vumian Varr
  • Life is much better when time's spent relaxing --
    don't wear yourself out with too much multi-tasking.
  • People who type on their phones while they're driving
    have greatly reduced odds of even surviving.
  • Remember that life's not a video game --
    you just get one man, and there's no devs to blame.
Whiteshield.gif ? This monster has no particular elemental alignment.
Hp1.gif ? Initiative +50%
Mimewhisper.gif Nicesword.gif ? This monster is Weird voiceless whisper
  • Whispers are voiceless by definition, but these ones are extra voiceless.
  • It isn't clear what role voiceless whispers play in the Silent Army. Some occult military scholars speculate that they're deployed just to freak people out.
  • Whether freaking people out is their primary purpose or not, nobody can deny that they're good at it..
Whiteshield.gif ? This monster has no particular elemental alignment.
Hp1.gif ? Initiative +150%
Smallartist.gif Nicesword.gif 0 This monster is a Dude voyeuristic artist
  • On the whole, this fellow is regarded as an excellent painter, but some critics say his brushwork is a bit too loose.
  • The voyeuristic artist invented a lot of new absinthe-based cocktails, which may explain his rather stunted growth.
  • He also is rumored to have an exceedingly large, er, paintbrush, which may explain why the dancers put up with him creepily hanging out all the time.
Whiteshield.gif 0 This monster has no particular elemental alignment.
Hp1.gif 0 Initiative +50%
Vykfemale1.gif Nicesword.gif ? This monster is a Dude VYKEA viking (female)
  • You'd be pretty angry too, if all you had to eat was fish and penguins.
  • I bet these vikings are really really good at building snowmen.
  • The word 'viking' comes from the verb 'to vike', which means "to kill someone while screaming really loud".
Whiteshield.gif ? This monster is Cold.  Cold is weak against Hot and Spooky.
Hp1.gif ? Never wins initiative
Vykmale1.gif Nicesword.gif ? This monster is a Dude VYKEA viking (male)
  • Tying your beard into braids is a lot like making a friendship bracelet for your face.
  • Vikings were probably into hammers because they don't need to be sharpened. I mean, that seems like it'd be a real pain in the butt, having to sharpen your sword all the time, right?
  • Vikings did not typically wear horns on their helmet -- that's a misconception that began when archaeologists found a helmet with two drinking horns attached to it, with a straw for hands-free quaffing.
Whiteshield.gif ? This monster is Cold.  Cold is weak against Hot and Spooky.
Hp1.gif ? Never wins initiative