Monster Manuel (U)

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There are 18 creatures filed under U.

Monster Manuel Entries
A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z Other
Blankmook.gif Nicesword.gif 0 This monster is a Dude uncommon criminal
  • You should never trade an uncommon criminal for common ones, even several commons. Always trade up in rarity.
  • Uncommon criminals get really offended if you call them common. Look pal, they earned their title.
  • The most uncommon skill for a criminal in Gotpork is pastry chef.
Whiteshield.gif 0 This monster has no particular elemental alignment.
Hp1.gif 0 Never wins initiative
Macaroni.gif Nicesword.gif 1 This monster is Undead undead elbow macaroni
  • Undead elbow macaroni is best enjoyed al dente with plenty of butter and cheese.
  • Undead elbow macaroni can be used to make adorable macaroni pictures, with only minimal risk of opening a portal to Hey Deze and getting damned forever.
  • Macaroni's okay and all, but if you can get your hands on some cavatappi noodles, totally use those instead. You'll thank me.
Whiteshield.gif 1 This monster is Spooky.  Spooky is weak against Hot and Stench.
Hp1.gif 1 Initiative +50%
Pengundercover.gif Nicesword.gif 0 This monster is a Penguin Undercover Penguin
  • There is no formal training or licensure for undercover penguins, which explains why there's so little quality control.
  • Never hire an undercover penguin to find out if your wife is cheating on you, especially if your wife is a sexy girl penguin.
  • The undercover penguin doesn't carry a gun, but he does have a knife he whittled out of a clam shell.
Whiteshield.gif 0 This monster has no particular elemental alignment.
Hp1.gif 0 Never wins initiative
Understudy.gif Nicesword.gif ? This monster is a Dude Understudy
  • Understudies are called that because they never study enough.
  • There are no understudies named Brad. It just has never happened, and nobody knows why.
  • Modern understudies are mainly just CGI effects.
Whiteshield.gif ? This monster has no particular elemental alignment.
Hp1.gif ? Never wins initiative
Ellsburyboss.gif Nicesword.gif 200 This monster is a Horror unearthed monstrosity
  • Subterranean monstrosities may be terrifying, sure, but they really aerate the soil.
  • Subterranean monstrosities "see" by processing vibration through special decoding organs. Oh, duh, that's called "hearing."
  • Suberranean monstrosities really hurt the resale value of your mine, so make sure to seal all trans-dimensional portals with an elder sign or an old bike lock.
Whiteshield.gif 180 This monster has no particular elemental alignment.
Hp1.gif 500 Always wins initiative
Lensgoblin.gif Nicesword.gif 6 This monster is a Goblin unemployed knob goblin
  • Knob goblin unemployment benefits are limited to the "you can panhandle here and the guards will only beat you up occasionally" type.
  • The knob goblin economy has been in upheaval recently, after a crash in the underground village market.
  • Unemployed knob goblins are always welcome to join the Harem Guard, but most decide they'd rather avoid the harem's employment prerequisites.
Whiteshield.gif 5 This monster has no particular elemental alignment.
Hp1.gif 5 Never wins initiative
Awolcow3.gif Nicesword.gif ? This monster is a Demon ungulith
  • The ungulith was always there, you just couldn't see it until The Cows Came Home.
  • The ungulith moves, but not in directions you would recognize. It moves in directions like wouth, and smorth-smorthblest.
  • The ungulith looks like it is made of salt but trust me, it does not taste like it is made of salt.
Whiteshield.gif ? This monster has no particular elemental alignment.
Hp1.gif ? Never wins initiative
Surv unhinged.gif Nicesword.gif 0 This monster is a Dude unhinged survivor
  • Let's be honest: even before the cataclysm, this guy wasn't playing with a full duck.
  • The Elven Council now regrets including medical-grade psychotropic drugs in their survival kits.
  • The unhinged survivor always survives the entire event, even though you wish he'd kick the bucket in the first half.
Whiteshield.gif 0 This monster has no particular elemental alignment.
Hp1.gif 0 Never wins initiative
Unholydiver.gif Nicesword.gif 700 This monster is a Horror unholy diver
  • The Unholy Diver has a large family with tons of Little Sisters.
  • No one has seen the mythical Sea Tiger that Holy Divers eventually get to ride. You kind of have to take it on faith.
  • Unholy Divers don't consider beating up on you to be unethical. You're responsible for not getting beaten up if that's important to you.
Whiteshield.gif 540 This monster has no particular elemental alignment.
Hp1.gif 1000 Initiative +100%
Surv unlikely.gif Nicesword.gif 0 This monster is a Dude unlikely survivor
  • The unlikely survivor is actually an ace marksman, having spent years training with elven video games.
  • The unlikely survivor's most prized possession is his combination inhaler and bottle of acne medication.
  • The song "Eye of the Tiger" was not an unlikely hit for the band Survivor, given its monster hook and great riffs.
Whiteshield.gif 0 This monster has no particular elemental alignment.
Hp1.gif 0 Never wins initiative
Crimbot3.gif Nicesword.gif ? This monster is a Construct unstable nuclear Crimbot
  • Nuclear reactors work by collecting the energy generated when people look at pictures of kittens.
  • Falling into a nuclear reactor is a pretty good way to get a superpower, but it'll probably be the power of baldness or tumors.
  • The best coolant to use in a nuclear reactor is strawberry jam. Wait, did I say nuclear reactor? I meant peanut butter sandwich.
Whiteshield.gif ? This monster has no particular elemental alignment.
Hp1.gif ? Never wins initiative
Unstill.gif Nicesword.gif ? This monster is a Construct unstill
  • The unstill has been in several fights with other stills, and is the winner and still champion.
  • When hooch from a still is stored in a deep enough container, it's called "still water."
  • Some moonshriners have been exploring wearable distillation technology. They're calling it a "still suit."
Whiteshield.gif ? This monster has no particular elemental alignment.
Hp1.gif ? Never wins initiative
Vib6.gif Nicesword.gif ? This monster is a Construct unusual construct
  • Does this guy seem kind of familiar to you? Yeah, me too.
  • Uh... sorry amigo, I don't actually know anything about this thing.
  • This is uh... some kind of machine? A guard thing? Look, your guess is as good as mine.
Whiteshield.gif ? This monster has no particular elemental alignment.
Hp1.gif 5000 Always wins initiative
Ram.gif Nicesword.gif 106 This monster is a Beast upgraded ram
  • The upgraded ram can perform a trillion computations per second, as long as those computations have to do with jumping from rock to rock or butting heads with other rams.
  • The ram's horns are sought after by wizards trying to look more interesting instead of developing a personality. They're the fedoras of the wizarding set.
  • I don't recommend battering rams; they're far more tasty grilled with a little lemon and honey sauce.
Whiteshield.gif 93 This monster is Cold.  Cold is weak against Hot and Spooky.
Hp1.gif 95 Initiative +50%
Upper q.gif Nicesword.gif 61 This monster is a Dude uppercase Q
  • The Q is quite quick and quiet.
  • Some scientists speculate that the Q is a member of an immortal continuum of alien intelligence. Other scientists think those guys are high.
  • When not attacking adventurers, Qs can be found providing gadgets for suave superspies.
Whiteshield.gif 51 This monster has no particular elemental alignment.
Hp1.gif 81 Initiative +80%
Urchin2.gif Nicesword.gif 400 This monster is a Fish urchin urchin
  • Urchin urchin spines are tipped with deadly poison! Thankfully, it's only deadly to fish. And you're not a fish . . . are you? You'd tell me if you were a fish, right?
  • The urchin urchin's mouth is located on the bottom of his body, like most politicians.
  • The Mer-kin had a program for rehabilitating urchin urchins, but the program mostly consisted of smacking them on the back of the head and telling them to straighten up and swim right.
Whiteshield.gif 315 This monster has no particular elemental alignment.
Hp1.gif 600 Initiative +20%
Eyesdown.gif Nicesword.gif 53 This monster is Weird Urge to Stare at Your Hands
  • When faced with the urge to stare at your hands, sit on them instead. Or have someone else sit on them. That'll distract you in a hurry.
  • Every fingerprint is unique; even twins don't have identical fingerprints.
  • So don't murder someone and blame it on your twin brother. I mean, you shouldn't do that anyway, because it's kind of a dick move, but especially because you won't get away with it.
Whiteshield.gif 47 This monster has no particular elemental alignment.
Hp1.gif 50 Initiative +60%
Usher.gif Nicesword.gif 0 This monster is a Dude usher
  • The practice of having a household usher has fallen off in recent years, as wealthy homeowners are discovering that having so many guests as to require one is kind of a pain in the ass to begin with.
  • Originally, an usher's only duty was to ush, but nobody knew what that meant, so they started showing guests around instead.
  • The most famous usher in history was Arthur Babblecrombie, who worked for Lord Coyle Fitzgibbon. He once ushered more than 1200 guests in a single evening, all into a small pantry, which he subsequently locked and set on fire.
Whiteshield.gif 0 This monster has no particular elemental alignment.
Hp1.gif 0 Initiative +50%

References

  • Like the monster itself, the Unholy Diver messages reference BioShock. The "Little Sisters" in the Bioshock games are little girls modified to produce a stem cell-based drug, and "You're responsible for not getting beaten up if that's important to you" is a reference to the ideology of "objectivism", which the Bioshock games are based on and which upholds selfishness and disregard to other people's interests as ethical values. The second fact references the "Holy Diver" song, just like the monster description.