Monster Manuel (O)

There are 35 creatures filed under O.

Monster Manuel Entries

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		132		oasis monster There are over 1,000 gallons of water in the whirlpool, or about 375 hectares if you're metric. The oasis monster spins at a mind-boggling 78 revolutions per minute, though sometimes he slows down to 33 1/3. The oasis monster was flung to earth after an unusual celestial event: a champagne supernova in the sky.
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		140		obese tourist The obese tourist's hoverchair supports up to 450 pounds, and he's pushing it. The obese tourist's favorite food is cake, and his favorite beverage is liquid cake. The obese tourist's happiest memory is the day they introduced carbonated bacon grease in a can.
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		?		obsessively imagining your worst phobias Phobias are named after Dr. Jack Phobia, who invented being afraid of things. Accidental death rates were wildly high before he came along. The top three rarest phobias are the fear of marshmallows, the fear of nice spring days, and the fear of glitter. Most phobias are really pretty irrational when you get down to it. Except for coulrophobia.
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		425		octopus gardener Octopus gardeners know where you've been -- that's why they're so hostile toward you. I know what you're thinking, punk. Does this thing have five tentacles, or six? Well, to tell you the truth, it's eight. The nervous system of an octopus is distributed throughout its entire body. So if you want to hit it in the head, you have to hit it on the end of each of its tentacles, probably.
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		25		Octorok The peculiar biology of the Octorok, specifically where it gets all those rocks, has finally been examined by Loathing scientists. See the next factoid for more. Octoroks process grains of sand that get caught in their nasal cavity, coating it with layers of snot which petrifies and turns into ammo. So yes, you've been getting hit with Octorok boogers all this time.
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		0		Odorous Humongous Odorous Humongous was not as unpopular in high school as you might expect. Turns out he's a really good guitarist. His stench is as much an affectation as his armor. He's actually a very clean guy. He comes from a long line of stench-lords. His father was Odious Enormous, his grandfather was Nastius Giganticus, and his great-grandfather was Stinky Jeff. It took a couple generations for the naming convention to really be established.
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		30		off-duty Knob Goblin Elite Guard Most Knob Goblins have terrible peanut allergies, which partly explains why they eat so many sausages. It's rare to encounter an Knob Goblin guard without his helmet on -- it's kind of a pain getting their actual horns tucked properly into the helmet horns, so most of them just wear the helmet all day. Knob Goblin guards are automatically promoted to Elite if they can go more than sixty days without being killed by an adventurer.
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		110		official seal Official seals mean business. "Business" means "the activity of making, buying, or selling goods or providing services in exchange for money." Official seals don't actually mean business. I was confused there for a minute.
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		300		Ogre Chieftain The first rule of this brogre's club is that he's definitely going to hit you with it. LyleCo kept having to buy this guy bigger and bigger clubs as his gains decreased. The thing about a big heavy club is that it's like, a natural movement, bro. It's way better for you than isolating specific muscle groups on fancy gym equipment.
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		85		oil baron The baronies over which oil barons preside are extremely unpleasant places. The smell alone is flammable. Oil barons are often in a bad mood because their wives are infertile. A baroness's barrenness is hard to cope with. Oil barons should under no circumstances be allowed to interact with water barons.
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		85		oil cartel The Spanish term for oil cartel is "el oil cart." Oil Carts A through K were even meaner. If you get on an oil cartel's bad side, you're gonna have some problems. Also, oil cartels don't have a good side.
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		85		oil slick Oil is technically undead dinosaurs. If you think about it, a refinery is a lot like a finishing school: You go in crude, you come out a lady. Though you may associate oil with swimming pools and movie stars, it is decidedly unwise to actually pour oil on either of those things.
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		85		oil tycoon An oil tycoon is somewhat odious to be around, but far less so than an oil typhoon. Oil tycoons all carry around extra long straws so they can drink other peoples' milkshakes. An oil tycoon is one degree above an oil baron, and one step below a crude king.
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		0		oily straw house Man, these oily pigs are nasty. I'm sure that house was built of fresh, clean straw when they started. I mean, a pig is a filthy animal, no matter what, but these pigs are just so much nastier than the normal ones. Even if they had a great personality, they would still be gross. Like, if they were twice as charming as that Arnold on Green Acres, they'd still be gross.
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		500		Ol' Scratch Ol' Scratch no longer trades golden fiddles for souls, but he *will* trade an aluminum banjo for your sense of self-worth. Ol' Scratch is actually Satan's second cousin twice removed. He was kicked out of Hey Deze for playing the harmonica too loud. Ol' Scratch's horns are actually glued on. They'll pop right off, taking skin and hair with 'em.
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		250		Oligarcheopteryx It's sort of pointless for a flying dinosaur to be rich, because it has no use for a yacht. Because their mouths are so huge, gold teeth are prohibitively expensive for even the wealthiest dinosaurs. Rich dinosaurs are more likely to end up with their skeletons in museums, because they can afford better archaeologists.
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		0		one of Doctor Weirdeaux's creations As a child, Dr. Weirdeaux had a dog named Phydeaux. Dr. Weirdeaux is more of a tinkerer than a mad scientist. It's not like he's getting peer-reviewed, or like he's got a specific goal in mind with his monstrosities. In fact, Dr. Weirdaux has less in common with supervillains than with those dudes who build those gigantic sculptures for Burning Man. He's just more likely to integrate an actual burning man into his design.
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		0		One Thousand Source Agents Okay sure, if he can clone himself once, he can clone himself a thousand times. That's not the problem. But where did he get all the sunglasses? Considering that he thinks humankind is a virus, isn't constant identical self-replication maybe just a little bit hypocritical? We didn't do any Merovingian jokes because I never figured out who he was or what he was saying.
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		11		one-eyed Gnoll The one-eyed gnoll gave his eye to gain wisdom and the ability to see the future. Just kidding. He lost it in a poker game. Gnolls have poor vision anyway, but they do have a keen sense of smell. Which means they smell terrible while smelling well. When you lose one eye, you don't lose 50% of your vision, as there's a substantial overlap. You do get 50% more badass, though.
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		150		One-Eyed Willie Legend has it that One-Eyed Willie was placed into the sky by the gods as a reward for thwarting the Fratelli gang. The four stars in One-Eyed Willie's smile are also part of the Little Man in the Canoe constellation. Before the astronomy field was overrun by immature snickering doofuses, One-Eyed Willie was called the Stop Sign.
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		39		Orcish Frat Boy One wonders why Loathing University continues to admit Orcish Frat Boys, considering their uniformly terrible grades and behavior. Actually, probably more than one wonders that. Have you ever encountered an orc who wasn't a frat boy? I haven't either! The native homeland of the Frat Orcs is of course the Orc Chasm. It's actually a very nice place, leading to the conclusion that Frat Orcs are as wild as they are because they're rebelling against their parents. This is hardly a surprising revelation.
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		40		Orcish Frat Boy Your garden variety Orcish Frat Boy, or Doucheus Paddlem, has an IQ of 60 and a vocabulary of approximately 20 words, most of which are "beer." Orcish Frat Boys are color-blind. They think their pastel pink polo shirts are gray. Most Orcish Frat Boys spend more time with guys dressed in women's clothing than they do with actual women. Because they're so manly, bro.
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		41		Orcish Frat Boy The only thing lower than an Orcish Frat Boy is the self esteem of their pledges. When you think about it, though, there's nothing more macho than to be a dude wearing a dress in a frat house. That takes some steely-eyed (and dan'd) determination. There isn't a college affiliated with the Frat House. These orcs just gradually evolved into frat boys on their own.
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		165		Orcish Frat Boy Spy Because of their selfless willingness to dress up as hippies and forgo their pink polo shirts, Frat Boy Spies are allowed to cut into any keg line. Frat Boy Spies occasionally decide they enjoy the hippy lifestyle and go rogue. If they're ever recaptured by frat boys, it takes months of drinking and paddling to retrain them. A Frat Boy Spy is often betrayed by the pungent mixture of body spray and patchouli oil.
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		38		orcish frat wannaboy The orcish frat wannaboy will eventually discover reggae music and herbs, and turn into a wannahippy. The orcish frat wannaboy's spray tan is actually made out of the same orange dust that covers the popular snack food Cheat-Os. No one's sure why the wannaboy wears worthless diamonds in his ears. If he's really trying to represent, they should be hamethyst at least.
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		35		orcish juvenile delinquent Orcish juvenile delinquents don't just T.P. houses; they soak the T.P. in alcohol and light it on fire when they're done. Orcish juvenile delinquents aren't of the adorable "slingshot in the overall pocket" type. They're more the "tying cats to a ceiling fan" type. Some orcish juvenile delinquents can be reformed with a lot of patience and love. All can be dealt with by the judicious application of a blunt instrument, sharp weapon, or fire.
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		90		Orignial Bonerdagon The Orignial Bonerdagon was replaced with a new formula in spite of public opinion, not because of it. Widespread sentiment was that the new version was sterile, and lacked the charm of the previous incarnation. History has proven that eventually, nobody will care about or even remember stuff like this. All we are is dust in the wind.
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		500		Oscus Oscus smells like a bag of dead skunks floating in a sewage lagoon. Oscus smells like fish heads and freshly-steamed broccoli with a side order of rotten eggs. Oscus doesn't smell very good, is what I'm getting at.
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		?		Othello When Othello stood on his hands, everyone thought he was white. Check out what Wikipedia says about how Desdemona is killed in the original book Shakespeare based the play on. It's nuts. Shakespeare's original plan for Othello was to do a whole series of plays with the characters, including a nosy landlord and his wife who would later be spun off into their own plays. Unfortunately he accidentally killed everyone off in the first episode.
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		0		Ourang-Outang Ourang-Outangs are seven times stronger than humans, and twelve times better at stamp collecting. Ourang-Outangs gain most of their nutrients by absorbing the blood of their prey through their skin. At least two percent of the world's religious leaders are secretly Ourang-Outangs in disguise.
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		?		out-of-control bandsaw Occasionally a bandsaw's band breaks up from the heat and pressure it's subjected to. This is called "going solo." The bandsaw is the most dangerous thing in a wood shop, unless your wood shop has a disguised pit with punji sticks on the bottom. Seriously, the only quicker way to remove your own fingers is by insulting Johnny Wirecutterhands.
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		?		outlaw behind an table Don't let him drop that table. It'll be White Wednesday all over again. He's probably just hiding back there because he doesn't want to share his pretzels. Most modern tables probably wouldn't stop a bullet. They really knew how to make 'em, back in the day.
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		?		outlaw leader Outlaws don't have very good retirement plans. The most famous outlaw ever was Big Wyatt Jameston, who once robbed an entire bank. Like, he took the whole thing. Including the tellers. Outlaws are people who aren't members of your husband or wife's family.
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		?		overarmed survivor The second-leading cause of death among ammunition stockpilers is smoking. Well, it's sort of an indirect cause. Many elf survivalists use leftover shell casings to make a variety of attractive arts and crafts, such as windchimes and bud vases. Elf survailists often say that you can't have too many guns. A counter-argument used by mathematicians is that a gun-to-bullet ratio lower than 1/1 would in fact indicate too many guns.
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		4		overdone flame-broiled meat blob Seriously, guys. Medium rare at the very most. If you don't have that pink center, you're just eating charcoal. Mind you, eating charcoal is a good way of absorbing certain poisons, if you accidentally ingest them. The flame-broiled meat blob has an entire day's worth of calories in it. Or, as we Americans put it, "a light snack."
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References

• The octopus gardener's second factoid quotes from the Dirty Harry franchise.
• The oily straw house's second and third factoids closely resemble lines from the film Pulp Fiction.
• One-Eyed Willie's first factoid is a reference to the film The Goonies.
• "Johnny Wirecutterhands" from the out-of-control bandsaw's third factoid is a nod to Edward Scissorhands who was played by Johnny Depp.