Mob Penguin Caporegime

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Mob Penguin Caporegime
Monster ID 907
Locations Don Crimbo's Compound
Hit Points Scales to 0.75*buffed Muscle
Attack Scales to buffed Moxie
Defense Scales to buffed Muscle
Initiative 0
Meat None
Phylum penguin
Elements None
Resistance None
Monster Parts body, flipper, foot, head
Drops
Crimbuck, herringcello, penguin focaccia bread
Manuel Entry
refreshedit data
Mob Penguin Caporegime You're fighting a Mob Penguin Caporegime

This penguin is kind of middle-management for the Penguin Mafia. He got promoted to his level of incompetence, and now instead of busting heads and breaking fingers, he has to make sure everyone files their paperwork and doesn't abuse their expense accounts.

Imagine his joy upon finding you, someone he can finally beat the crap out of! You've really made his day; you should feel good about yourself.

Hit Message(s):

He orders one of his subordinates to smack you with a flipper. Way to delegate, penguin! Ooh! Oof! Ooh! Oof!

He gives you a papercut with a stack of TPS reports. Ow! Ooh! Ugh! Oof!

He staples a memo to your forehead. Eek! Ouch! Eek! Eek!

He takes off his power tie and strangles you with it. Ow! Ow! Ooh! Ouch!

Critical Hit Message:

He forms an ad hoc committee dedicated to exploring the various ways a bunch of penguins can take apart an adventurer. Their preliminary findings are pretty impressive. Ugh! Ugh! Ouch! Eek!

Miss Message(s):

He forms a committee to explore the possibility of attacking you in the future.

He starts to fill out the necessary paperwork to get permission to hit you.

He tries to give you a memo, but you remind him all memos must be filed in triplicate with the Don first.

He tries to take off his tie to use it as a garotte, but it's strangling him too tightly for him to get it off.

Fumble Message:

He forms an ad hoc committee to discuss best practices, going forward, of laddering up synergy to actualize goals and best utilize company assets to beat the stuffing out of you. (FUMBLE!)


After Combat

Crimbuck.gifYou acquire 8-12 Crimbux
Cracker.gifYou acquire an item: penguin focaccia bread
Celloshot.gifYou acquire an item: herringcello
You gain ? <substat>.

Occurs at Don Crimbo's Compound.

References

  • The observation that a worker in a hierarchical organization will be "promoted to his level of incompetence" was popularized by the 1969 book The Peter Principle by Dr. Laurence J. Peter and Raymond Hull.
  • "He gives you a papercut with a stack of TPS reports." references the movie Office Space.
  • The long miss message about forming an ad hoc committee is a reference to manager speak or suit speak.