Mer-kin tippler

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Mer-kin tippler
Monster ID 768
Locations The Dive Bar
Hit Points 750
Attack 600
Defense 360
No-Hit 610
Initiative 25
Meat 160-240
Phylum mer-kin
Elements None
Resistance None
Monster Parts head, arm, tail, torso
Drops
Alewife™ Ale, Mer-kin foodbucket, Mer-kin pinkslip, Mer-kin weaksauce, slug of vodka
Manuel Entry
refreshedit data
Mer-kin tippler You're fighting a Mer-kin tippler

This Mer-kin has dedicated himself to the bleary, hazy life of a tippler. Tippling is the art of maintaining a steady state of drunkenness, avoiding both sobriety and blacking out. It's far more difficult than kipling, which is the art of writing stories about how the elephant got his trunk, or how the moth got its antennae, or how the policeman got his mustache.

The difference between a tippler and a drunk is that a tippler is being described by someone with a love for outdated slang; personally, I think people like that are the cat's pajamas.

Hit Message(s):

He knocks back a slug of whiskey, then slugs you in the arm with a sea slug. Ouch! Ugh! Eek! Ooh! Ouch! Eek! Ooh! Ow!

He drunkenly tosses a dart at the dartboard. Turns out, when the dart-thrower is drunk, you do a pretty good dartboard impersonation. Ugh! Ouch! Ouch! Ow! Argh! Ooh! Ouch! Ow!

He downs a bottle of beer and breaks it over your <lower back>. Hopefully there aren't 98 more bottles where that came from. Ooh! Oof! Argh! Ouch! Ouch! Ow! Argh! Ugh!

He tries to play a drunken game of pool, but ends up shoving the end of the cue up your nose. Ouch! Ouch! Ow! Ow! Ooh! Ow! Oof! Ouch!

He starts crying and gives you a big hug, then pushes you away and smacks you with his tail. Oof! Ooh! Ooh! Oof! Ugh! Ouch! Ow! Argh!

Critical Hit Message:

He says, "you. Hey. You. Where do you get off having legsh? You're going to fall on your ugly fasche!" You tell him you'll be careful, and he shouts, "You'll be dead!" and stabs you with a hookspear. Argh! Ow! Eek! Oof! Oof! Ugh! Argh!

Miss Message(s):

He knocks back a slug of whiskey, but pauses to spit the slug back out, keeping only the whiskey.

He drunkenly tosses a dart at you, but misses. Thank goodness he wasn't tossing his cookies at you.

He starts to break a beer bottle on you, but notices it isn't empty yet.

He tries to play a drunken game of pool, but doesn't have the balls.

He puts his arm around you and says he's always liked you, no matter what anyone says.

Fumble Message:

He staggers (swimmers? Swaggers?) over to the jukebox, rests his head on it for a while, then shouts, "Hey, thish toilet doeshn't flush!" (FUMBLE!)


After Combat

Meat.gifYou gain 160-240 Meat (average: 200, stdev: 16.73)*
Beerbottle.gifYou acquire an item: Alewife™ Ale (40% chance)*
Pail.gifYou acquire an item: Mer-kin foodbucket (5% chance)*
Librarycard.gifYou acquire an item: Mer-kin pinkslip (5% chance)*
Soupbowl.gifYou acquire an item: Mer-kin weaksauce (50% chance)*
Slug.gifYou acquire an item: slug of vodka (20% chance)*

Occurs at The Dive Bar

References

  • The art of "Kipling" is a reference to Rudyard Kipling's "Just So Stories".
  • The critical hit message is a reference to a scene from Star Wars: A New Hope, where Luke encounters a drunken criminal at the Mos Eisley Cantina.