Mer-kin raider

Mer-kin raider
Monster ID	771
Locations	The Mer-Kin Outpost
Hit Points	800
Attack	750
Defense	585
No-Hit	760
Initiative	50
Meat	200-300
Phylum	mer-kin
Elements	None
Resistance	Soft damage cap:400
Monster Parts	head, arm, tail, torso
Drops Mer-kin breastplate, Mer-kin foodbucket, Mer-kin hookspear, Mer-kin roundshield, Mer-kin lockkey
Manuel Entry
refreshedit data

 You're fighting a Mer-kin raider

This is a heavily-muscled, heavily-armored slab of merflesh. He's not interested in lost arks, unless raiding them involves beating up people or kidnapping helpless old ladies. Most Mer-kin are wily little jerks, but this one's a jerk with an inverse proportion of muscle to I.Q.

Hit Message(s):

He spears you with his hookspear. You wish he'd used an asparagus spear instead. Ow! Ooh! Ugh! Ugh! Ouch! Eek! Ow! Ugh! Argh! Ouch!

He raids a nearby tomb and shows you the freaky artifact he just stole. Argh! Oof! Ow! Ugh! Ouch! Ooh! Argh! Argh! Ouch! Argh!

He hooks you with his hookspear. I ain't telling you no lie. Ow! Oof! Ooh! Ugh! Ugh! Ouch! Ouch! Ouch! Eek! Ugh!

He raids your panties. You didn't even know you had any, and are pretty embarrassed. Oof! Ouch! Eek! Ugh! Oof! Ooh! Ow! Ouch! Ouch! Eek! (sleaze damage)

Critical Hit Message:

He presents you with a raid array: he smacks you with his tail, hooks you with his hookspear, and steals one of your favorite spines. Ouch! Argh! Argh! Ooh! Ouch! Ugh! Ooh! Ouch! Oof! Oof!

Miss Message(s):

He tries to raid your panties, but you're not wearing any, you naughty moose.

He shakes his spear at you. What's in a name? An attack by any other name would be just as ineffective.

He tries to raid your tomb, but you don't have one.

He shakes his spear at you. It's very dramatic, but not effective.

Fumble Message:

He stops hitting you to go help a little old lady cross the street, then takes a few minutes to tie the old lady up and write a ransom note. (FUMBLE!)

Special Move(s):

A nearby Mer-kin healer chants something in a dire, hideously malformed language. It sounds like two cats fighting in a bowlful of apostrophes and consonants. A grotesque green ball of light emerges from his chest and envelops your opponent for a moment.

A Mer-kin healer swims by and chants an incantation in a maddening, screeching, guttural, unearthly language. Putrid green light spills from his fingertips and envelops your opponent.

A Mer-kin healer swims by and lays his hands on your opponent. Putrescent green light spills from the healer's hands, and your opponent looks stronger.

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After Combat

You gain 200-300 Meat (average: 250, stdev: 20.82)*

You acquire an item: Mer-kin breastplate (2.3% chance)*

You acquire an item: Mer-kin foodbucket (9.9% chance)*

You acquire an item: Mer-kin hookspear (1.7% chance)*

You acquire an item: Mer-kin roundshield (2.3% chance)*

You acquire an item: Mer-kin lockkey (?% chance)*

You gain 186.75 <substat>.

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Occurs at The Mer-Kin Outpost.

Notes

• This monster has a soft damage cap, after which a special damage reduction is applied. If an attack would do no more than 400 damage, then no damage reduction is applied. Otherwise, if x is the base damage done, then the actual damage he takes is 400+floor((x-400)^0.75). This formula is applied to any type of damage and to any source of damage.
• The Mer-kin breastplate will not drop unless you have the Torso Awaregness skill.

References

• The "lost ark" portion of the monster's description is a reference to Raiders of the Lost Ark.
• The miss message about raiding your tomb is a reference to the Tomb Raider video game series.
• The hit message which ends with "I ain't tellin' you no lie." is a reference to Blues Traveler's song Hook.
• The critical hit message makes a reference to RAID harddrive arrays.
• The miss message about shaking his spear at you is a reference to the "What's in a name?" (rose, as sweet, etc) speech from Romeo and Juliet, by Shakespeare.
• The miss message about a "naughty moose" is a Fawlty Towers reference.[1]