Malevolent magnetic field

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Malevolent magnetic field
Monster ID 941
Locations Professor Jacking's Small-O-Fier
Hit Points 100
Attack 75
Defense 76
Initiative 50
Meat None
Phylum weird
Elements None
Resistance None
Monster Parts field
bottle of gin
Manuel Entry
refreshedit data
malevolent magnetic field You're fighting a malevolent magnetic field

Freshly shrunk, you go looking for trouble underneath Professor Jacking's extremely powerful subwoofer. Soon enough you find it, in the form of an intense localized magnetic field. Dust and debris encircle it, forming visible lines of force.

Your hair stands up on end as you near it, reminding you that you really need to stop using iron filings as shampoo. You'll write yourself a note as soon as you're done fighting this thing.

Hit Message(s):

It pretends it's a bunny rabbit, and gnaws off your <head>. Ugh! Eek! Ugh! Ow!

It reenacts a long-forgotten fairy tale in which a powerful magnetic field tears off an adventurer's <foot>. Man, that fairy tale is brutal! Ow! Ooh! Ouch! Ow!

It points out that no one will ever love you. Your sadness is palpable and painful. Argh! Ugh! Eek! Ouch!

Invisible lines of force strangle you, like a boa constrictor. Ouch! Argh! Ouch! Eek!

It forcibly removes your heart. You think you need a new heart. Eek! Oof! Ugh! Ugh!

It replaces your heart with a cactus. Ouch! Oof! Ooh! Ouch! Eek!

Critical Hit Message:

It vibrates in place, causing the air around it to resonate until an ear-splitting sound fills the area. You shatter. Ouch!

Miss Message(s):

It accelerates hundreds of tiny particles of floor grime at you, but every single one of them misses you. You must be the luckiest guy on the Lower East Side!

It tears away the fundamental forces holding your head onto your body. You run around like a chicken with its head cut off until you can get it reattached.

It pelts you with myriad tiny objects, but you're dancing, and nothing matters when you're dancing!

It tries to bend rays of sunlight into a point hot enough to burn you, but you don't believe in the sun.

It tries to break your heart, but it spends so long trying to write an epitaph for it that it never gets around to actually doing it.

It tries to lasso you with a line of force, but misses clumsily. If only its papa had been a rodeo.

Fumble Message:

It tries to hurl an especially large piece of debris at you, but it misses by a margin proportionally as large as the Grand Canyon. (FUMBLE!)

After Combat

Bottle.gifYou acquire an item: bottle of gin

Occurs at Professor Jacking's Small-O-Fier


  • This monster combines the capabilities of an actual magnetic field (albeit an unusually malevolent one) with the titles of various songs from the 1999 concept album 69 Love Songs by the group The Magnetic Fields. Here is a list of the titles appearing in various combat messages:
    • "Let's Pretend We're Bunny Rabbits" gives us "It pretends it's a bunny rabbit."
    • "Long-Forgotten Fairy Tale."
    • "No One Will Ever Love You."
    • "Boa Constrictor."
    • "I Think I Need a New Heart" appears as "You think you need a new heart."
    • "The Cactus Where Your Heart Should Be" was apparently put there by this monster: "It replaces your heart with a cactus."
    • "I Shatter" corresponds to the message "You shatter."
    • "The Luckiest Guy on the Lower East Side."
    • "A Chicken with Its Head Cut Off."
    • "Nothing Matters When We're Dancing" appears as "...nothing matters when you're dancing!"
    • "I Don't Believe in the Sun" appears as " don't believe in the sun."
    • "Epitaph for My Heart" can be found buried in the line that reads "It tries to break your heart, but it spends so long trying to write an epitaph for it that it never gets around to actually doing it."
    • "Papa Was a Rodeo" appears in "If only its papa had been a rodeo."
    • "Grand Canyon."
    • Perhaps most subtly, the monster's sole drop—a bottle of gin—is a reference to the song "Love Is Like a Bottle of Gin."