Mad Hatrack Messages (A-E)

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The Mad Hatrack familiar has different functions depending on what hats it wears.

4

Moonfez.gif
<Name> says, "Geronimo!" and leaps at your opponent, landing on him for X damage.
Moonfez.gif
<Name> says, "I wear a fez now. Fezzes are cool," and winks at you.

8

6hats.gif
<Name> produces a bottle of Russian Ice and obligates your foe to chug it. She looks a little bleary-eyed after drinking it.
6hats.gif
<Name> says, "come at me, bro! Do you even lift?" Then smiles to show he's joking.

A

Admiralhat.gif
<Name> gives you a crisp salute, then delivers some corporal punishment to your opponent, dealing X damage.
Divehelmet.gif
<Name> konks your opponent on the head with his diving helmet, disorienting <it> for a second.
Aeroakubra.gif
<Name> screams "I'm lighter than air! I'M LIGHTER THAN AIR!" as he frolics about.
Frightwig.gif
<Name> screeches with clownish laughter, and your opponent looks upset and disturbed.
Frightwig.gif
<Name> grins a jagged yellow smile at you. Your stomach hurts.
Nemes.gif
%%
Nemes.gif
<Name> grins beatifically from beneath his pharaoh hat.
Saucehat.gif
<Name> whips up an invigorating tonic, mumbling "bork bork bork" as he does. You drink it and feel refreshed.
HPYou gain some hit points.
MPYou gain some Mana Points.
Ancientshelm.gif
<Name> bangs its head against your opponent repeatedly, muttering something about cabbages and dealing X damage.
Concretehat.gif
<Name> says, "I have three slugs in me. One's made of lead, and two are made of bourbon," and winks at you, smiling at his film noir pastiche.
Anthelmet.gif
<Name> blocks <its> way, shouting "None shall pass without my permission!" It takes a while for <it> to figure out they should just ask for permission.
Anthelmet.gif
<Name> thinks he's at a costume party, and waltzes around to music only he can hear.
Nutchat.gif
<Name> strikes an intimidating pose in his big fuzzy guard hat.
Monster AttackMonster attack power reduced by X
Monster DefenseMonster defense reduced by X
Turtle.gif
<Name> tosses a hot coal (where'd he get that? Crazy thing), onto his helmet, then headbutts <it> for a scorching X damage.
Turtle.gif
<Name> spins a couple of fire poi as he dances around, occasionally bonking himself on the head with one.
Asshat.gif
<Name> headbutts <it> with his butthead, doing X stinky damage.
Asshat.gif
<Name> says, "never forget, sir, that I am an ass!" and grins broadly.
Ast hat.gif
<Name> winks at you and says, "you have a, how you say, a certain je ne sais quoi about you," then smiles broadly.

B

Balaclava.gif
<Name> says "back off, eh? Ya hoser," and pelts him with snowballs, doing a frosty X (+X) damage.
Balaclava.gif
<Name> says "wanna share some back bacon, eh?" and winks salaciously.
Balhelmet.gif
<Name> does a weird, spastic dance to the accompaniment of the balloon helmet's horrible squeaking. The overall effect is "avant-garde." And disturbing.
Sbberet.gif
<Name> steps in front of it and shouts, "Mais NON! Make it again!" It is too perplexed to attack this round.
Sbberet.gif
<Name> says, "you have that certain je ne sais quoi," and winks lustily.
Tophat.gif
<Name> pays a high-class geisha girl to give you a rejuvenating massage.
HPYou gain some hit points.
MPYou gain some Mana Points.
Tophat.gif
<Name> looks down his nose at him (which is impressive, considering hatracks don't have noses) and sniffs dismissively. He is too demoralized to attack this round.
Barrelhead.gif
You think <Name> is smiling from inside the barrel head, but you're not sure. Maybe he's winking?
Skincap.gif
<Name> shouts "A bar! It's comin' right for us!" and punches <it> for X damage.
Skincap.gif
<Name> gets a wistful smile on his face. I guess he just remembered the Alamo. And, uh, was fighting on the other side.
Fez.gif
<Name> throws his head back so the fez falls off, then says "check it out, I'm a FEZ dispenser!" He laughs maniacally, winking broadly.
Meathelmet.gif
<Name> says, "no, you're the meathead, meathead! And headbutts her, getting nasty meat-juice all over her for X nasty damage.
Meathelmet.gif
<Name> dances the traditional dance of his people. The hatrack people. Just go with me on this, okay?
Bathat.gif
<Name> pulls it close and bellows "Do I LOOK like a COP?", scaring approximately X points of bejeezus out of it.
Bathat.gif
<Name> says "where do I get these wonderful toys?" and smiles broadly.
Hobotophat.gif
<Name> hops from foot to foot while repeatedly saying "Indubitably!" to nobody in particular.
Bauxitehat.gif
<Name> gives your opponent a sharp headbutt with his bauxite beret, momentarily stunning them.
Beerhelmet.gif
<Name> hoses <it> down with cheap beer from the beer helmet. <It> hiccups and staggers a little.
Beerhelmet.gif
<Name> does The Wave. Apparently he thinks he's watching a football game.
Holysheet.gif
<Name> walks around in circles, making ooooh, oooooooooh noises.
Bellhophat.gif
<Name> upends a luggage cart all over your opponent. Where did he find that cart?
Monster AttackMonster attack power reduced by X
Monster DefenseMonster defense reduced by X
Bellhophat.gif
<Name> clears his throat, holds out his hand, and gives you a little extra Meat as a tip.
Voodoomask.gif
<Name> produces a doll that looks just like <it>, and sticks in a few pins. <It> looks a little weaker.
Voodoomask.gif
<Name> produces a doll that looks just like you, and gives it a refreshing back-and-shoulder rub.
HPYou gain some hit points.
MPYou gain some Mana Points.
Tophat.gif
"Hagwa doopee," says <Name>. Your opponent stops in his tracks.
Tophat.gif
"Ting cooing koo soo ah," says <name>, handing you some additional Meat.
Bikerhat.gif
<Name> pulls out a motorcycle chain and whips your opponent with it, dealing X damage.
Crimborghelm.gif
<Name> shouts "there are FOUR lights!" and smacks it four times, doing X damage.
Crimborghelm.gif
<Name> says "The Rhumba is futile!" and dances a little fandango to prove his point.
Blackhat.gif
<Name> alternates between mooing loudly and trying to tie himself up. He somehow manages to throw some rope over <it>, restraining <it> a little.
Blackhat.gif
<Name> says "Candygram for Mongo!" and winks broadly.
Blackhelmet.gif
<Name> says "Damn, Gina, this joke so old!" and does a sarcastic Cabbage Patch.
Cone.gif
<Name> sings about a blue traffic cone with a blue little window, while dancing and winking like a maniac. Maniac. On the floor.
Bonedana.gif
<Name> produces a motorcycle chain from somewhere and whales on your opponent with it, dealing X damage. Dang.
Borishelm.gif
<Name> unleashes a deafening bellow, charges past your opponent, then runs backwards, dealing X +1 +1 +1 +1 +1 damage with the pointy horns of Boris's Helm.
Borishelmaskew.gif
<Name> unleashes a deafening bellow, charges past your opponent, then runs backwards, dealing X +1 +1 +1 +1 +1 damage with the backwards horns of Boris's Helm.
Bountyhelmet.gif
<Name> peers through the helmet's visor and says "Extra items spotted off the port bow, Captain!"
Bowler.gif
<Name> says "Mrs. Peel, we're needed," and gives you a winking smile. Or a smiling wink. Not sure which.
Unihorn.gif
<Name> says, "Don't flutter, shy fellow, come over here and get a pinky in your pie!" then he stabs it with the horn for X damage.
Unihorn.gif
<Name> says, "Ah, yes, the rarity of an evening with good friends, sipping applejack and watching rainbows dash through the sprinkler on the lawn," and smiles, a twilight sparkle in his eye.
Brickohat.gif
<Name>'s hat keeps falling off, so he throws it at your opponent in frustration, dealing X damage.
Brimberet.gif
<Name> sighs "ah, l'amour est enfer," and smiles wistfully as he winks at you.
Buckethat.gif
<Name> shouts, "we can't stay here! It's BAT country!" Your opponent looks a little intimidated.
Buckethat.gif
<Name> says, "gee, Skipper, I guess we're still stuck on this island with these two hot, single girls!" and smiles.
Brownhat.gif
<Name> winks at you and says, "I've not felt this good in ages!"
Paperbaghat.gif
<Name> dances around, frantically flailing his wooden arms. Hilarious!
Capturban.gif
<Name> steps between you and it and shouts, "Poof! Whaddayou need. POOF! Whaddayouneed. POOF! What do YOU need." <It's> way too confused to attack this round.
Capturban.gif
<Name> winks at you and says "thank you, come again! Stereotypes are funny!"
Beanie.gif
<Name> shouts "Begone, filthy human," then giggles manically as he pummels <it> for X damage.
Bumcheek.gif
<Name> headbutts him with his butthead, doing X stinky damage.
Bumcheek.gif
<Name> says, "never forget, sir, that I am an ass!" and grins broadly.
Fpmhat.gif
<Name> runs around screaming wildly, which is not that unusual, except that this time it's because his hat is on fire. Oh hey, here's some meat.

C

Skincap.gif
<Name> arches his back and hisses at <it>, unnerving <it> a little.
Skincap.gif
<Name> smiles like the cat who ate the canary.
Romanhelm.gif
<Name> says, "it's the Ides of March, O Ceasar!" and stabs <him> for X damage.
Romanhelm.gif
<Name> flips over and breakdances, brushing the floor with his helmet brush.
Cloche.gif
<Name> says "check out my sexy cerebellum," and winks brainily.
Chalkchapeau.gif
<Name> shakes his head, kicking up a cloud of choking white dust.
Monster AttackMonster attack power reduced by X
Monster DefenseMonster defense reduced by X
C17hat.gif
<Name> grins goofily from under the furry antlers on his hat.
Chefhat.gif
<Name> says "you must make sure your monster is properly tenderized," and viciously pummels <it> for X damage.
Chefhat.gif
<Name> says "this recipe calls for a little more meat." Man, that hatrack's crazy. Who would eat money?
Turtle.gif
<name> headbutts <him> with the cold chrome of his helmet, doing a frosty X damage.
Turtle.gif
<name> shakes his booty, using the shiny helmet as a disco ball.
Clinghat.gif
<Name> says "let me introduce you to my terrapin, Jetta," and smiles broadly while you pretend to pet an imaginary turtle.
Colahelm.gif
<Name> sings that ridiculously catchy song about buying the world a Cloaca, while swaying back and forth to the beat.
Clhat.gif
<Name> engages in a bit of the old ultraviolence, slashing <it> in the yarbles (if <it> has any yarbles) for X damage.
Monster AttackMonster attack power reduced by X
Monster DefenseMonster defense reduced by X
Clhat.gif
<Name> seems to be listening to music, but you can't hear any. "Ah, Ludwig Van," he says, smiling wistfully.
Clownwig.gif
<Name> says "I make art until somebody dies!" as he artistically pummels <him> for A +B +C +D +E +F damage.
Clownwig.gif
<Name> holds up a sign that says "Knob 3:16." <She> stops attacking and goes to look up the verse.
Coconut.gif
<Name> sings about his lovely bunch of coconuts while doing a seductive (for a hatrack, anyway) hula.
Collander.gif
<Name> whips you up a refreshing tonic, shouting "BAM!" over and over as he does so. You drink it and feel...well, refreshed.
HPYou gain some hit points.
MPYou gain some Mana Points.
Ninjamask.gif
<Name> sneaks up behind <it> and pushes a series of pressure points. <It> looks noticeably weaker.
Ninjamask.gif
<Name> mimes throwing a bunch of frozen shuriken at it. Apparently he's a really good mime, because it takes X damage.
Coolbag.gif
<Name> shares his headache with your opponent by clocking he with his ice bag for X damage.
Coolbag.gif
<Name> does a slow, shuffling, hung-over sort of jig. Less a jig and more of a jugh.
Dv cihelm.gif
<Name> shouts, "hail fellow, and HEL MET!" and headbutts him for X damage.
Dv cihelm.gif
<Name> sings a song about eating a lot of ham, jam, and spam while he kicks up his heels.
Bracket.gif
<Name> walks up to your fallen foe and kicks it, hoping more loot will drop off of it.
Bracket.gif
<Name> polymorphs into a ghuol and attacks it, paralyzing it.
Mlcowl.gif
<Name> steps in front of your opponent and glares at <it> from beneath the cowl. <It> is frozen in terror.
Mlcowl.gif
<Name> dances slowly, to a dirge you can't hear.
Bb hat.gif
<Name> says, "phone hoooome, ese," and clocks your opponent with one of those ancient bakelite phones for X damage. Wonder where he got that thing?
Bb hat.gif
<Name> says, "in space, homes, no one can hear snitches get stitches," and smiles at you.
Merkinmask.gif
<Name> shouts, "don't make me use my slashspear on your sexparts!" Your foe looks genuinely terrified at the prospect.
Monster AttackMonster attack power reduced by X
Monster DefenseMonster defense reduced by X
Merkinmask.gif
<Name> shouts, "what's a fire and why does it--what's the word--BURN?" and flicks a lighter, singeing him for X damage.
Crepemask.gif
<Name> whispers "Hello, Clarice." Your foe shudders and takes X damage.
Crimboh.gif
With a wink of his eye and a smile on his head, <Name> lets you know you have nothing to dread.
Goblincrow.gif
<Name> does the whole "hoodoo/who do?/you do!" routine with it, greatly confusing it.
Goblincrow.gif
You relax and enjoy watching <Name> trying to contact-juggle three glass balls, even though he has no thumbs (or, y'know, any fingers at all).
HPYou gain some hit points.
MPYou gain some Mana Points.
No messages
Ragbeanie.gif
<Name> clumsily hugs your opponent, leaving it a little weirded out.
Ragbeanie.gif
<Name> gives you a nice friendly hug. What a pal!
HPYou gain some hit points.
MPYou gain some Mana Points.
Hobofedora.gif
<Name> mutters to itself as it makes weird faces at you.
Eyepatch.gif
<Name> shouts, "I'll shiver ye timbers, ye filthy landlubber!" at <her>. <She> looks a little demoralized from the shouting.
Eyepatch.gif
<Name> tells <her> a spoooky story of betrayal and murder on the high seas, terrifying <her> for X damage.

D

Demonhat.gif
<Name> tosses <him> high into the air with his demon horns, dealing a demonic X damage.
Demonhat.gif
<Name> says, "you know, hell is other people. Other demon people," and winks.
Grimmask.gif
<Name> sneaks up behind him and and knocks him down with a vicious headbutt.
Grimmask.gif
<Name> says, "go ninja, go ninja, go!" and does a series of rhythmic backflips.
Dicerag.gif
<Name> winks and leans against a nearby car, trying to look cool and failing.
No messages
No messages
Dinseybrain.gif
<Name> dances around like a magically animated broom, sweeping your opponent for 26 damage.
Dinseybrain.gif
<Name> smiles wistfully as he absorbs some of Wart Dinsey's happier memories.
Pick.gif
<Name> calls on some disco mojo to replenish you after your battle. Crazy as it sounds, it seems to work -- you'll be stayin' alive a while longer.
HPYou gain some hit points.
MPYou gain some Mana Points.
Discomask.gif
<Name> busts some funky disco moves. It doesn't look like he's trying to attack, per se, but he accidentally hits it for 1 damage.
Dolphhat.gif
<Name> twirls his head around madly, flicking some freezing water onto your foe and dealing X damage.
Dolphhat.gif
<Name> beams an unhinged Crimbo grin at you.
HPYou gain some hit points.
MPYou gain some Mana Points.
Crown.gif
You relax as <Name> regales you with a rejuvenating tale of the epic battle between the dolphins and the squirrels.
HPYou gain some hit points.
MPYou gain some Mana Points.
Crown.gif
<Name> says "what does the color blue taste like? Bobo knows!" and lets loose a high-pitched squeak. Your opponent writhes in pain, taking 22 damage.
Icecap.gif
<Name> shouts "Stop! Collaborate, and listen!" It stops attacking and tries to creatively work with you while listening to your input. It leaves it too busy to attack this round.
Icecap.gif
<Name> says, "we outta here. Word to your mutha," and does a kind of sideways shuffling dance.
Ballhat.gif
<Name> gestures like he's releasing an energy blast. He doesn't, but the gesture whacks him for X damage.
Ballhat.gif
<Name> says "I see you're aligned with Goku," and smiles benevolently.
Dv freddyhat.gif
<Name> shouts, "Welcome to prime-time, bitch," scaring him for X damage.
Dv freddyhat.gif
<Name> says, "I'm your boyfriend now, Nancy," and winks salaciously.
Driftwoodhat.gif
<Name> headbutts your opponent -- or rather hatbutts them, making a hollow clonk and X damage.
Dtapehat.gif
<Name> shouts at it, "I think I figured it out. You didn't want me to solve this case. You just wanted a patsy to take the fall for you!" It looks confused and a little guilty.
Dtapehat.gif
<Name> shakes his head. "It's Chinatown, Jake," he says, winking grotesquely.
Aluhelmet.gif
<Name> shouts "nobody tosses a dwarf!" and thwacks <him/her/it> for X damage. Wait, what?
Aluhelmet.gif
<Name> sings a dwarvish battle hymn and does a traditional dwarvish dance. <Name>, do the dance of joy!
Colahelm.gif
<Name> spins around, grabs his crotch (er, grabs where the hatrack's legs join the body) and moonwalks a little.

E

Eelhat.gif
<Name> headbutts it with shocking results. Because seeing a hatrack deal X damage is pretty shocking to you.
Hat2.gif
<Name> shows you how to fall asleep against a cactus so that the needles give you free acupuncture. You take a nap and feel refreshed.
HPYou gain some hit points.
MPYou gain some Mana Points.
Elvhelmet.gif
<Name> shouts "Why so blue, blue face?" and blinds <it> with the helmet's blue light. <it> staggers around, unable to see you.
Elvhelmet.gif
<Name> sings "I'm blue, ba da bee da doo ba," while dancing around erratically. Clearly, he's off his trolley.
Turtlehat.gif
<Name> says "not that it matters...nothing matters," and sneezes all over you. You take a few minutes to clean yourself off, and feel better when you're done.
HPYou gain some hit points.
MPYou gain some Mana Points.
Eldritchhat.gif
<Name> smiles, unless maybe that's a sort of rictus grin? I guess that still counts as a smile.
Radardish.gif
<Name> beeps and boops and ray zaps your foe, dealing X damage.
Monster AttackMonster attack power reduced by X
Monster DefenseMonster defense reduced by X
Hardhat.gif
<Name> cackles madly and delivers a vicious headbutt to your foe, dealing X damage.
Eyepatch.gif
<Name> stalks up to her and hands her the dreaded Black Spot. She shivers and looks terrified.
Ramhorns.gif
<Name> snorts, paws the ground, and charges <it>, ramming <it> for X damage.
Ramhorns.gif
<Name> says "there are those who call me...<Name>," and winks knowingly.
Palmhat.gif
<Name> holds out his toupee and says "with fronds like these, who needs enemies?" He agrees, at least for this round.
Palmhat.gif
<Name> says " Spaaaaaalding...Spaa aaalding, what're we gonna do now, Spalding?" and grins widely.
Scarf.gif
<Name> wraps the scarf around him, then pulls one end, spinning him like a good publicist. He looks pretty dizzy when they finally wind down.
Scarf.gif
<Name> throttles him with the scarf, dealing X damage while shouting "tell me what you know! Who are you working for?"
Eyepatch.gif
<Name> lets loose a menacing "Arrrrrr!" at them. They look suitably intimidarrrted.

References


Mad Hatrack Hat Messages
A-E F-N O-Z