Little Man in the Canoe
| Little Man in the Canoe | |
|---|---|
| Monster ID | 540 |
| Locations | The Hole in the Sky |
| Hit Points | 150 |
| Attack | 165 |
| Defense | 148 |
| No-Hit | 175 |
| Initiative | 70 |
| Meat | None |
| Phylum | constellation |
| Elements | sleaze |
| Resistance | None |
| Monster Parts | star |
| Manuel Entry | |
| refreshedit data | |
You're fighting The Little Man in the CanoeThis constellation resembles a diminutive man sitting in a canoe. There's something of a schism in the astronomical community over this constellation -- some astronomers focus exclusively on the canoe and completely ignore the existence of the little man. Other astronomers say to do so is not only bad science, but bad social skills as well. Canoe dig it? I knew you could.
Hit Message(s):
He row, row, rows his boat gently into your <calf>. Well, just kidding about the "gently" part.Ooh! Ugh! Ouch! Ow! Argh! Oof!
He capsizes all over you. Ew! Ugh! Eek! Ugh! Ouch! Ugh! Ugh!
He whips out his oar and beats you with it. If you know what I mean. Oof! Eek! Ow! Ooh! Ugh! Oof! (sleaze damage)
He paddles his canoe over you. You get keelhauled, and in this case the keel is made of hot, burning gas. Ugh! Ow! Ow! Ooh! Ow! Ow! (hot damage)
He leaps out of the canoe, runs up to you, and pokes you with his pointy little head. No, the one on his neck. Geez, you guys have dirty minds. Ouch! Ow! Eek! Ow! (sleaze damage)
He row, row, rows his boat gently into your <lower back>. So gently, in fact, that you barely feel it.
He tries to capsize on you, but your cap size is far bigger than his.
He tries to paddle you with his paddle, but can't seem to connect.
He tries to keelhaul you, but you tell him to keep things on an even keel.
He leaps out of the canoe, intent on running over and smacking you down himself. Unfortunately, the canoe was the only thing holding him in the vast vacuum of space, so he plummets to the earth. (FUMBLE!)
 | You acquire an item: star (30% chance)* |
| You acquire an item: star (30% chance)* |
 | You acquire an item: line (30% chance)* |
| You gain 41.25 <substat>. |
Occurs at The Hole in the Sky.
References
- The hit and miss messages where he "row, row, rows his boat gently into your <thigh>" refer to the famous children's song "Row, Row, Row Your Boat".
- The hit message that ends with "if you know what I mean" could be a reference to the "Whose Line Is It Anyway?" skit of the same name where the actors turn everything they say into an innuendo about something sexual.
- The hit message "He capsizes all over you. Ew!" may be a reference to the song "The Bad Touch" by The Bloodhound Gang, one line of which is "so if I capsize on your thighs."
- The name of this monster is a reference to female genitalia, with the 'little man' being the clitoris. Ignoring the little man refers to a common sexual complaint women have with inexperienced (or ignorant) men.
