Legstrong™ stationary bicycle

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Legstrong™ stationary bicycle
Monster ID 1489
Locations The Inner Wolf Gym
Hit Points 75% of Monster Defense
Attack Player's Moxie +3 (min 50, max 1000)
Defense Player's Muscle +3 (min 50, max 1000)
Initiative 0
Meat None
Phylum construct
Elements None
Resistance None
Monster Parts None
sweatband, ankleweights, sweat socks, pint of sweat, Jerks' Health™ Magazine, Five Second Energy™
Manuel Entry
refreshedit data
Legstrong™ stationary bicycle You're fighting a Legstrong™ stationary bicycle

This is a bike that you ride and get nowhere, to go with your treadmill you run on to get nowhere and the stairclimber that lets you climb infinite stairs to nowhere. At least with the bike, though, you get to sit down while you're not making progress.

And once you learn how to ride it, you'll never forget how. Because it's impossible to tip the thing over.

Hit Message(s):

You let go of the handlebars, congratulate yourself on your expert balance, then fall forward and skin your nose on the belt looped around the front wheel. Ugh! Argh!

You pedal backwards for a while, then your feet slip off the pedals and they spin wildly, whacking your shins. Ugh! Ow!

You stand up and pedal, then manage to pitch yourself over the handlebars. Argh! Ouch!

You pedal a little too hard and hit yourself in the chin with your knee. Ooh! Ooh!

Your foot slips off the pedal, and the pedal spins around and whacks you in the Achilles tendon. Oof! Argh!

The seat on the bike wasn't tightened properly, and it suddenly drops a few inches, stopping with a butt-bruising thump. Oof! Eek!

Critical Hit Message:

You stand up on the pedals, lean too far forward, and tip over, taking the whole bike with you in a somersault that ends with you beneath the entire machine. Ouch! Ow!

Miss Message(s):

You let go of the handlebars for a while, and contemplate growing a handlebar mustache.

You pedal backwards for a while, simulating coasting on a real bicycle. It's not the most purposeful thing you've ever done.

You stand up on the pedals, lean into the non-existent wind, and pretend you're in the Tour de Knob.

You pedal like a guy who wants to be in a bicycle race.

You pedal like a guy who wants to ride his bicycle.

You pedal like a guy who can ride a bike with no handlebars. With no handlebars. With no handlebars.

Fumble Message:

You stop to decline an offer of performance-enhancing potions from a guy with huge thigh muscles and really spindly arms. (FUMBLE!)

After Combat

You rode so fast that your inner wolf caught an inner rabbit!
Hare.gif +1 Rabbit
Sweatband.gifYou acquire an item: sweatband (1% chance)*
Ankleweights.gifYou acquire an item: ankleweights (1% chance)*
Sweatsocks.gifYou acquire an item: sweat socks (1% chance)*
Gymshorts.gifYou acquire an item: gym shorts (1% chance)*
Moonshine.gifYou acquire an item: pint of sweat (10% chance)*
Jhmagazine.gifYou acquire an item: Jerks' Health™ Magazine (5% chance)*
5secondenergy.gifYou acquire an item: Five Second Energy™ (2% chance)*

Occurs at The Inner Wolf Gym.


  • Scales to your stats, capped at 1000, before Monster Level additions.
  • This monster cannot be copied.