Legal alien
| Legal alien | |
|---|---|
| Monster ID | 1783 |
| Locations | drawing a Green Card from a Deck of Every Card |
| Hit Points | 100 |
| Attack | 50 |
| Defense | 50 |
| Initiative | 50 |
| Meat | None |
| Phylum | humanoid |
| Elements | None |
| Resistance | ? |
| Monster Parts | arm, gleebnort, head, leg, torso |
| |
| Manuel Entry | |
| refreshedit data | |
You're fighting a legal alienSuddenly, a beam of green light shoots down from the sky, and a horrifying big-headed alien materializes right next to you! "It's an invasion!" you shout.
"Invasion?" he says. "Hey, I pay my taxes just like everyone--"
"Pay this, invader!"
Hit Message(s):
He shoots his death ray at you, and vaporizes your <shoulder>. "Hell, sorry," he says. "I was aiming for your mouth."
He shoots you in the <giblets> with some kind of death ray, and your <bung> dies.
He uses some sort of terrible alien martial art on you, which involves curling his fingers into the shape of a fist and then hitting you in the face with it.
"Oh my god," you say as he pulls out a long metal rod. "Is that what I think it is?"
"You think it's an anal probe, don't you? That's pretty racist, lady."
"Well, what is it then?"
"A gun," he says, and shoots you with it.
You ask him why he doesn't just go back to where he was born. "Because it was destroyed in the sodium wars," he says. "You really don't have any idea what's going on in the rest of the galaxy, do you?"
You accuse him of draining money out of the local economy by sending it home to his family. He calmly informs you that there is no exchange rate between meat and zlybotniks, and anyway it would take like seventy years to get it there.
"I know why you're here," you say. "You want to steal our women, don't you!"
"Dude, we evolved on different planets. There's no way that would work."
"What, our women aren't good enough for you??" you shout.
He tries to steal your job, but you don't really have one per se. Frankly, you're just a sort of extra-violent hobo. (FUMBLE!)
Occurs when drawing a Green Card from a Deck of Every Card.
Notes
- This monster cannot be copied.
