Leave a Message and I'll Call You Back
You look around Professor Jacking's laboratory, goggling at all the gigantic things around you. Woah, man -- that pencil is HUGE, man. Woah, man, that coffee cup? That's a LARGE coffee cup, man. Who could drink that much coffee? I'm just sayin' it's a big cup, that's all.
And look at that spider web! That web is -- well, it's really sticky, actually, and -- oh, great. Now you're stuck.
| Look for the spider |
- Without a suitable fruit in the machine:
You crawl along the web, trying not to be skeeved out as your hands and feet stick to the threads. Just when you think the spider's gone up the water spout, or something, you see it. It's about the size of a raisin, or eight or nine times bigger than you are.
You have a few seconds to wonder why your tiny, ill-equipped self went looking for a fight with a giant spider before it completely and utterly crushes you. Wah wah wah...
 | You lose all? hit points. |
- With a suitable fruit in the machine (such as a raisin):
You poke around the web, looking for the spider. Just as you ask yourself why you're looking for a carnivorous, fanged creature that is now several times bigger than you, you find it!
Well, to be more accurate, it finds you. It rears up, mandibles twitching, dripping venom, and leaps to strike!
Fortunately, a raisin comes flying out of one of the pneumatic tubes, sending the spider flying and taking its place in the web.
| Look for dead flies |
- Without having killed the spider, or if you already have flyest of shirts:
You find a few dessicated[sic] fly corpses. Are they still called "flies" when they're dead? Or are they just "decomposes?"
Anyway, grammatical conundrums notwithstanding, the dessicated[sic] insect corpses aren't terribly thrilling. Fortunately, you see one of the flies was wearing a tiny little pair of glasses, and you snag those. See? Told you there's no such thing as a complete waste of time.
 | You acquire an item: tiny fly glasses |
- If spider is dead, with Torso Awaregness, and without flyest of shirts:
You see a fly corpse all wrapped up in webbing, and head over to see if it has any stuff you can loot. No, you'd normally not expect a fly to be carrying anything you'd want, but the same can be said of most of the monsters you're continually killing and robbing, okay?
Anyway, as you get closer, the fly starts feebly kicking its legs. "Heeeelp meeeee . . . " it says, in a truly creepy falsetto voice. "Heeeeelp meee. . ."
"Okay, I'll help you on two conditions," you say. "First, stop talking like that. Second, you have to give me that awesome shirt you're wearing, which the narrator neglected to tell me about, but that I can clearly see."
The fly nods in agreement, and you rip the webbing away so the fly can fly free. It tosses its shirt at you as it buzzes away. You might want to wash that thing before you wear it, man.
 | You acquire an item: flyest of shirts |
- If spider is dead, without Torso Awaregness, and without flyest of shirts:
You see a fly corpse all wrapped up in webbing, and head over to see if it has any stuff you can loot. No, you'd normally not expect a fly to be carrying anything you'd want, but the same can be said of most of the monsters you're continually killing and robbing, okay?
Anyway, as you get closer, the fly starts feebly kicking its legs. "Heeeelp meeeee . . . " it says, in a truly creepy falsetto voice. "Heeeeelp meee. . ."
"Okay, I'll help you on two conditions," you say. "First, stop talking like that. Second, you have to explain what that piece of cloth covering that bizarre area between your head and legs is."
The fly nods in agreement, and you tear away the webbing. Then the fly flies away, mysterious cloth and all, flipping you an insectile middle finger as it buzzes off.
| Escape |
- If you have a fruit in the Pneumatic Tube Interface:
You disentangle yourself from the web and look around.
Stuck to a nearby strand of web, you find 3 pieces of fruit -- huh. That machine must've shrunk and duplicated the fruit you put in it, somehow. You snag them.
 | You acquire 3 fruits |
You grab a dandelion seed and float to safety, where you wait until the machine's effect wears off.
- If you do not have a fruit in the Pneumatic Tube Interface:
You disentangle yourself from the web and look around.
You grab a dandelion seed and float to safety, where you wait until the machine's effect wears off.
Occurs at Professor Jacking's Small-O-Fier
Notes
- Choosing 'Escape' destroys whatever fruit you inserted in Professor Jacking's Pneumatic Tube Interface and gives you 3 copies of that fruit.
- The 'Look for the Spider' choice does not appear once you have killed the spider.
- However, when this choice is removed from the list, the action keys for the two remaining choices are '2' and '3', not '1' and '2' as you might expect.
- The only way to get additional shirts is to place your existing ones in the display case.
References
- The adventure name is a reference to the 1995 No Doubt song Spiderwebs.
- The exclamations of HUGEness in the opening text refer to "Tiny Elvis", a Saturday Night Live skit from 1992, in which Nicolas Cage plays a foot-tall Elvis who comments on the enormity of the objects surrounding him.
- The captive fly's pleas for help allude to the climax of the classic 1958 horror film The Fly.
