Knob Goblin Accountant

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Knob Goblin Accountant
Monster ID 1063
Locations Cobb's Knob Treasury
Hit Points 20
Attack 22
Defense 19
Initiative 50
Meat 40-60
Phylum goblin
Elements None
Resistance None
Monster Parts head, arm, leg, torso
meat stack, flimsy clipboard
Accordion accordion file
Manuel Entry
refreshedit data
Knob Goblin Accountant You're fighting a Knob Goblin Accountant

This knob goblin has been a dedicated employee of the Knob Goblin Treasury for years. He's dutifully toiled away counting beans, then counting stacks of meat after beans got to be useless, and he's watched as all the bean counters descended into madness and irrelevancy.

He can't help but notice that dense meat stacks are catching on as currency, and he's never been trained to handle dense meat stacks, and he's got a sneaking suspicion that he's no longer economically viable.

He's a little upset about it.

Hit Message(s):

He says, "I am just standing up for my rights as a consumer!" and kicks you in the shin. Oof! Oof! Ouch!

He carefully accounts for wind speed and gravity, then hurls his briefcase into your <face>. Ooh! Ugh! Ouch!

He says, "you know they lied to me!" and punches you in the nose. Ooh! Ow! Ow!

He says, "you're gonna die wearing that stupid hat. How does that feel?" and hits you with his briefcase. Argh! Argh! Ow!

Critical Hit Message:

He pulls a baseball bat out of his briefcase and hammers you with it, all the while ranting about consumer society and how hard it is to be a middle-class white knob goblin. Oof!

Miss Message(s):

He tries to kick you in the shin, but you stand up for your rights as a consumer and avoid the kick.

He tries to hit you with his briefcase, but failed to account for your penchant for dodging.

He swings his briefcase at you, but it's too brief to connect.

He tries to punch you in the nose, but accountancy isn't the best combat training school.

Fumble Message:

He swings his briefcase wide, overcorrects, and falls down. He lies there for a minute, muttering about how everyone lied to him. (FUMBLE!)

After Combat

Meat.gifYou gain 40-60 Meat (average: 50, stdev: 4.47)*
Clipboard.gifYou acquire an item: flimsy clipboard (15% chance)*
Meatstack.gifYou acquire an item: meat stack
You gain 6 <substat>.

Occurs at Treasury.


  • If you are an Accordion Thief and haven't stolen an accordion from this monster today, this text is added to the introduction:
    In a nearby pile of office supplies, you espy a business accordion.
  • If you then cast Steal Accordion:
    You throw some un-filled-out forms into his face. While he busily looks through them, you duck behind him and grab the accordion.
    Acc12.gifYou acquire an item: accordion file


  • The accountant's appearance and quips are based off of the character Bill Foster from Falling Down.