Kitty the Zmobie Basher

	Name:	Kitty the Zmobie Basher
	Age:	Ingenue
	Gender:	Girly-girl
	Height:	Slender
	Weight:	Short
	Alignment:	Righteous
	Hair Color:	Cornsilk (today).
	Eye Color:	Emerald. Or maybe Emeril.
	Record:	# / #

In every generation, a Zmobie Basher is born. Well, actually, if you assume a generation is twenty years, sometimes three or four are born because a new one is called whenever the current one dies. Anyway, she alone will stand against the zmobies -- unless, of course, she dies and is brought back to life, in which case there are two. That is, unless she's brought back to life by a lesbian witch, in which case there won't be a new one. The prophecies are very clear on that point.

Kitty is the latest in the ancient line of zmobie bashers and one of the most formidable. Her fighting skills are only matched by her keen fashion sense; her mastery of blade and bow only slightly more deadly than her withering sarcasm. Were it not for her penchant for falling in love with her zmobie prey (and the anguish and confusion that inevitably results), none would argue that she is the best Zmobie Basher in recorded history.

Since zmobie bashing isn't a lucrative career, Kitty supplements her income by wrestling. As in the rest of her life, her fighting skills give her an advantage that only occasionally is undermined by her "kill or kiss?" confusion.

Notes

• Kitty the Zmobie Basher is one of John Wilke's KWE wrestlers.
• This wrestler is represented by a trading card.

Fight Messages

• Entrance:

...it's every undead boy's worst nightmare and best dream, the intriguingly complicated, angsty but witty KITTY THE ZMOBIE BASHER! Love hurts, folks!

• The crowd cheers as Kitty the Zmobie Basher prepares to use her special attack, "Bandit Makeout!"

• Kitty the Zmobie Basher appears to fall in love with <opponent>! After confessing her undying devotion to her baffled opponent, she started hating <opponent> again and pummels him/her to the ground! ZLOPP!
• Kitty the Zmobie Basher gets confused and falls in love with <opponent>! She confesses her undying devotion, but <opponent> wipes the mat with her! Kitty the Zmobie Basher swears not to fall in love with a mortal enemy for at least a day or two.

• The crowd cheers as Kitty the Zmobie Basher prepares to use her special attack, "The Sar Chasm!"

• Kitty the Zmobie Basher subjects <opponent> to a withering attack of sarcasm, pop-culture references, and teenage lingo! While <opponent> tries to figure out what "crushworthy" means, Kitty the Zmobie Basher drops him/her with a flying kick! ZLOPP!
• Kitty the Zmobie Basher subjects <opponent> to a withering attack of sarcasm, pop-culture references, and teenage lingo! <opponent> turns a deaf ear to the incomprehensible verbal onslaught and concentrates on winning the match.

• Kitty the Zmobie Basher kisses <opponent>, then smacks him/her across the face! He/She should have more braaaaiiins than that! ZLOPP!
• Quote:

...yells, "What part of me punching you in the face did you not understand?"

Gift Responses

• Weapon:

Yes... this must be the fabled Weapon of Shyamalaman, that was forged by demons at the dawn of time! Wait, it isn't? Oh, well. I can still use it.

• Armor:

Woah... shake it don't break it! Why didn't I ever think of wearing armor before? I just figured since I was a Zmobie Basher and heal quickly, I should let 'em bruise me! Wow, thanks!

• Feast:

Wow, total snackfesty goodness! Indeed, you are the bringer of tasty things! But I can't afford to gain weight. The apocalypse should be here any day now! I have to stay fighting trim.

• Food:

Ew, grody to the max! I guess I have to keep my strength up, but this is totally not the best way to do it. This looks like the tofu brownies my mom used to make when she had her brain tumor.

• Cocktail:

Good day, this is Kitty's Observer, Rufus Meriweather. er, I, um, ah, well, Kitty is currently deeply involved in her, uh, um, ah, training, so she asked me to write you a little thank-you note. While I do not approve of Kitty's imbibing of alcoholic beverages, when I try to stop her, she, as you Yanks say, tells me 'where I can stick it.' Therefore, er, ah, um, er, under some small degree of duress, I thank you on her behalf. Cheerio.

• Cordial:

Wow, I used to have a boyfriend who made me drinks like these. He was totally crushworthy -- his name was Graaaah. We were so totally in love -- but then we made out and he turned evil and I killed him and then he came back good again, but then he left me so he wouldn't kiss me and turn evil again. It's hard being The Basher -- it's a good thing people keep sending me drinks.

• Booze:

I know you want me to drink this. I want to drink this. But I am fighting a war here. I am leading these girls into battle and some of them will die. I might die. The only way we might get through this alive is to stay alert. I need you to be with me on this!

• Beer:

I remember a while ago I learned something about beer. What was it? Oh yeah, beer... foamy. No, wait, I mean beer...BAD. Foamy, but bad. But... y'know... it does taste good...

• Spleen:

Okay -- be kind, rewind. What part of 'super-powered zmobie basher' do you not understand? I've got this whole 'basher-strength' thing going on, you know? Anyway, it was totally sweet of you to send it to me, and I'll take it, even though I'm five-by-five without it.

• Misc:

It... oh my god, it's the Talisman of Fanictia! The most powerful, reality-altering magical knick-knack in the world! Wait, no it isn't. That's okay, I'm sure Meriweather can figure out what it's for.

References

• Kitty the Zmobie Basher is a reference to Joss Whedon's Buffy: the Vampire Slayer. For instance:
  • Buffy died twice: The first time, she was revived by Xander and a second line of Slayers was activated. The second time, she was brought back to life by lesbian witch Willow and there was no such event.
  • Buffy inexplicably never wore armor while fighting the legions of the undead.
  • "Total Snackfesty Goodness" pokes fun at how the young characters speak.
  • Both Buffy's and Kitty's mother had brain tumors at some point.
  • The Kitty/Graah story is eerily similar to when Buffy dated Angel, a vampire, and made love to him; this resulted in him turning evil, Buffy slaying him, Angel coming back, moving away, etc.
  • Rufus Meriweather is Kitty's "Observer" with an English accent, while Buffy Summers' "Watcher" was named Rupert Giles who was also from England.
  • The phrase "five-by-five" was often used by Faith, a regular on the series, to mean "cool" or "fine".
  • "Weapon of Shyamalaman" refers to movie director M. Night Shyamalan. Weapons in the Buffy universe had similar names, like the Axe of Dekeron and Dagger of Lex.
  • "grody to the max" refers to the speaking style of the Valley girl, and the Buffy series was set in a fictional California town.
  • "I am leading these girls into battle and some of them will die. I might die." refers to an episode where Buffy and many other girls fight vampires after they all gain the powers of the Slayer.
  • The "I am fighting a war here" speech is derived from similar discussion during the 7th season of the show, like the Get It Done episode.
  • Beer Bad was the title of a a popular episode.
  • Joss Whedon has stated that the inspiration for Buffy came from the X-Men character Kitty Pryde.
• Emeril is a famous chef on the food channel, and may be a reference to the webcomic Sluggy Freelance, which did its own parody of Buffy.